Fire may smolder, hidden away, with just barely enough heat to cause a few fibers to burn in a slow, smoky, almost imperceptible way. But when the glowing embers burn to the surface, uncovering a source of oxygen, a spectacular burst of fire springs up almost instantaneously! Anger hidden the human heart is just like that.
Recently I spoke with a man whose heart smolders with resentment against his wife. She, likewise, carries deep-seated anger that is just below the surface even admitting to me that she 'hates' him, but at the same time she says, "I'm not really angry. I'm just hurt." They occupy the same house, but speak only in curt tones, cutting each other down when given the opportunity. The slow burn of resentment grows a little every day, assuring that there will almost certainly be be a 'fire' that destroys their lives. When the conflagration comes, they'll will say, "It just burst over us, coming from nowhere!" The truth is that the embers are growing hotter right now, but they will not admit they are angry! If they did, they would be compelled to follow through and seek a solution, which neither is ready to do -yet. Tragically, the fire could be quenched now, but once it rages out of control, their marriage and lives will likely be consumed.
Anger is one of the emotions that people deny most often. We relabel it, refer it, excuse it ... anything but face it. "I'm not angry, just upset," one woman told me during a counseling session in which she alternated between tears of frustration and rage so intense it made her incoherent! "I'm indignant," another person told me when describing how their adult son repeatedly took advantage of his mother. Both people were angry, deeply so, but because anger is a frightening emotion, and usually regarded as 'bad,' these people would not admit to the obvious.
Anger is a legitimate human emotion. A person who is incapable of anger is pathetic, a victim for everybody that comes along life's road. Anger helps us gather the courage to make change, to right wrongs, to seek justice. Anger is an emotion that is close to love. Surprised? We get angry only about situations that involve things or people we care about. Apathy literally means without feelings and leaves us half-dead! Ungodly anger is destructive exactly because it is selfish, a twisted expression of self-love that explodes when we feel inconvenienced or when our will is frustrated. Last Saturday I grew angry because my expensive eyeglasses were missing. My anger reflected the fact that I valued the item, but it was totally misfocused because I was ready to blame anyone but myself for misplacing the object!!
Deeply godly men and women will become passionately angry when the weak are abused, when others are oppressed or robbed of their dignity. Actions that diminish God's honor or that potentially harm those He loves will cause His people to rise up with anger to take corrective anger-- and rightly so! However, the Bible warns us of the potential for danger that accompanies anger. The Scripture says, ...“don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. (Ephesians 4:26, NLT) Two things are emphasized - we must not lose rational control over anger, for then it flows into rage which is always destructive! And anger must have limits. We can't just 'stay mad' for days on end for that kind of unresolved anger eats away at us - body and soul.
Do you love God enough to grow angry at sin- in yourself and in the world - enough to work hard for change, to weep genuine tears of repentance, to humbly seek the powerful Presence of the Spirit for transformation?
Do you love other enough to get involved, to rise above apathy, even to the extent of feeling angry?
That's good! Now, use that anger to motivate you towards good ends.
Got anger smoldering just below the surface of your life? Are you trying to deny it, or call it something other than what it really is?
Get honest, now. Sure it's not easy facing up to the fact that you're angry at God over some situation in your life which you do not like or over which you feel little control. Admitting that you are really angry with that spouse or child isn't much fun either. Once you admit to it, you will have to do something to resolve the conflict or to move to acceptance - which might mean 'dying to self.' Ugh, nobody enjoys that!
Here's a word to think on today: "Slowness to anger makes for deep understanding; a quick-tempered person stockpiles stupidity."
(Proverbs 14:29, The Message)
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