Shot through the heart

For a year I watched the arrow of death’s sorrow coming at me in slow motion, yet I could not dodge it! I thought was prepared for the impact, but when Dad died two weeks ago, a pain unlike any other sliced through me. A bleeding wound remains. Sometimes I forget about it for a while, then a memory is triggered and the stabbing hurt re-surfaces. There have been no tears since his memorial, though I wish I could cry! It is difficult to focus and even when I try I feel as though I am living in fog, seeing familiar outlines but there are no defined edges.

Most of my life I have managed my emotions, experiencing them, but not allowing them to rule me. Now my heart full of turbulence. Sorrow refuses to be contained and intrudes on my life at unexpected moments. My grief shows up in other strange ways, too. Earlier in the week, I realized I was trying to ‘fix’ everything around me, straightening up my desk, cleaning up messes, obsessing over details at work, etc. It was clear that I was trying to set things right. Anger flashes out of me at inappropriate moments, too. Hopefully, I won’t do too much damage to others before this thunderstorm in my heart subsides.

Interaction with people, normally not hard for me, is very difficult right now, too. I can feel their uncertainty. Do they acknowledge the obvious and attempt an expression of comfort, “Sorry for your loss,” which reminds me of my pain or do they try for normal, “Hi, how ya doing? Nice day, isn’t it?” and risk appearing insensitive? I feel badly for them because I’m not sure which is best at any given moment, either. The most intuitive person I’ve met was a young teenage boy who saw me coming and hugged me as he said, “Life sucks for you right now, doesn’t it?” What a kid! (Forgive his slang. For the young that word doesn’t have the connotations it carries for those of us over 45. Sucks is just a synonym for bad!)

Most adults try hard to empathize and only end up making me say things I don’t want to say yet again. “Well, his suffering is over.” True enough, but I would still like him with us! “He’s home in Heaven now.” Yes, I believe that, too, but it doesn’t do a whole lot for my sense of loss! Truthfully, explanations are unnecessary. Empathy is enough.

There are two things that are clearer to me since Dad died.

First is that life is really short! We need not be morbid about our mortality, but we are fools to attempt to ignore it. Solomon’s wisdom is compelling. "Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” … Yes, remember your Creator now while you are young, before the silver cord of life snaps and the golden bowl is broken. Don’t wait until the water jar is smashed at the spring and the pulley is broken at the well. For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it." … "That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad." (Ecclesiastes 12:1, 6-7, 13-14, NLT)

Second is that friends matter! Being with people, even though interactions are sometimes strained, lets me experience love. That teenage kid loved me in his unique kid way and it was healing. Life goes on and seeing others functioning, hearing them laugh, listening to the superficial chatter of daily life, carries me forward, too. Again Solomon wisdom is good. "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NIV)

Jesus Christ taught us that life boils down to two things:
“Love God wholeheartedly; and love others like you love yourself.” How true! If our life course is set by those two boundaries, the big stuff will work out.

Again, I want to thank you for letting me walk my journey with you! Last week, many of you wrote to tell me that sharing my thoughts about this was no burden, so I did it again today. God bless you, friends.
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As I journey thro’ the land, singing as I go,
Pointing souls to Calvary—to the crimson flow,
Many arrows pierce my soul from without, within;
But my Lord leads me on, thro’ Him I must win.

When in service for my Lord dark may be the night,
But I’ll cling more close to Him, He will give me light;
Satan’s snares may vex my soul, turn my tho’ts aside;
But my Lord goes ahead, leads whate’er betide.

When in valleys low I look tow’rd the mountain height,
And behold my Savior there, leading in the fight,
With a tender hand outstretched tow’rd the valley low,
Guiding me, I can see, as I onward go.

Oh, I want to see Him, look upon His face,
There to sing forever of His saving grace;
On the streets of glory let me lift my voice,
Cares all past, home at last, ever to rejoice.

Rufus Cornelius
Public Domain

Dollar's Fall Gives Rise to Anti-christ's Mark?

Watching the economic chaos engulf the world and observing the leaders of nations working valiantly to keep our financial systems from total collapse, I remember those scary sermons about "End Times" that were a staple of my growing up years. We were warned that the Lord's return would be preceded by the unveiling of a "World Government" that would gain its power primarily through economic control. The head of that government, nicknamed 'the Anti-Christ,' would insist on his mark being fixed on our right hand or forehead and any who aligned themselves with his demonic schemes would be doomed. The whole scenario seemed awfully far-fetched at the time. Now, not so much! Here in these United States, we are ceding huge chunks of our personal liberties to the 'government' as long as the President promises to make us safe and secure. The whole country - citizens, towns, states, institutions - is so dependent on Washington's largesse we gladly allow our leaders to do things unthinkable even a decade ago as long as they promise to protect our way of life.

The world is a community like never before. Europe has become a defacto state with the various nations sharing a common currency, a common constitution, and a common justice system. A hiccup in Asia reverberates in London! A terrorist sheik holed up in a cave in remote mountains in Pakistan has held the United States in mesmerized fear now for nearly ten years! We are inter-connected in ways that even futurists of the 1960's could not foresee. Without being overly dramatic, I can more readily conceive a not-so-distant day when the nations of this world would readily accept the authority of a world leader if he could promise to restore economic stability, settle ancient disputes, and produce an era of prosperity.

Revelation speaks of that day. John writes, "Then I saw a beast (Anti-Christ) rising up out of the sea. (a Biblical metaphor for the nations) It had seven heads and ten horns, with ten crowns on its horns. And written on each head were names that blasphemed God. ... The whole world worshiped the dragon (The Devil) for giving the beast such power, and they also worshiped the beast. "Who is as great as the beast?" they exclaimed. "Who is able to fight against him?" Then the beast was allowed to speak great blasphemies against God. And he was given authority to do whatever he wanted for forty-two months. ... And the beast was allowed to wage war against God's holy people and to conquer them. And he was given authority to rule over every tribe and people and language and nation. ... This means that God's holy people must endure persecution patiently and remain faithful. ...

He required everyone-small and great, rich and poor, free and slave-to be given a mark on the right hand or on the forehead. And no one could buy or sell anything without that mark, which was either the name of the beast or the number representing his name. Wisdom is needed here. Let the one with understanding solve the meaning of the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man. His number is 666." (Revelation 13, NLT)

"Jerry, you're freaking me out!"
Disciple, do not fear. God is greater than world systems, greater than persecution, greater than anything Evil can bring against us. I've read the end of the book, too. The promises are wonderful, all encompassing, and sure.

"Then I saw heaven opened, and a white horse was standing there. Its rider was named Faithful and True, for he judges fairly and wages a righteous war. His eyes were like flames of fire, and on his head were many crowns." (Revelation 19:11-12, NLT) Jesus Christ is not defeated. He will come to reign and His power will prevail.

"Then I saw the beast and the kings of the world and their armies gathered together to fight against the one sitting on the horse and his army. And the beast was captured, and with him the false prophet who did mighty miracles on behalf of the beast-miracles that deceived all who had accepted the mark of the beast and who worshiped his statue. Both the beast and his false prophet were thrown alive into the fiery lake of burning sulfur." (Revelation 19:19-20, NLT)

Here's a word from the Word. Let it's wonder saturate your mind and heart so you will be bold in the work of God. Ponder it prayerfully today.

"On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. (Remember that Biblical metaphor for the nations?) Men will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near."
(Luke 21:25-28, NIV)

I am glad I am a child of the King. Aren't you glad you know Him, too?

More than an expert!

A few weeks ago I had ongoing pain in my neck (really!) and it drove me to call the doctor’s office. The physician I like to consult was not available so they offered me an appointment with another. He came into the exam room, looked at me quickly, and asked about levels of stress in my life. When I mentioned the critical illness of my Dad he said, “That’s it. It’s stress.” He told me to stop by the pharmacy and pick up the prescription he was writing and he was gone. The entire interaction could not have taken more than 3 minutes! I suppose he is a fine doctor. The framed certificates on the wall gave testimony to his various degrees and expertise. Expert or not, he was, at least for me, a terrible healer! I needed more than a diagnosis and a pill. I needed an explanation about how he reached his conclusion and what I might do to avoid the pain in the future. A little genuine human compassion would have gone a long way that day. He did his job, but failed in his mission.

Disciple, are you a good healer, a compassionate Christian who demonstrates the love of Jesus, or are you just ‘an expert’ in soul matters? We may do our job as witnesses to the Truth and still miss the mission of bringing the Kingdom of God to others! There is an old phrase that bears repeating that says, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

As we interact with those around us who are fearful of the future, who are trying to cope with illness, who have a broken heart, who are wrestling with destructive habits; it is not enough to dispense a Bible verse or a quick prayer. Advice that is on the mark and Biblically based won’t help others all that much if it is not flowing from a compassionate heart. People need more than an expert. They need a friend who really cares.

Jesus told a story about a man who became the victim of muggers, who left him near death on the road. Two men, experts in religion, saw the man but had no time to assist him. Did they pray for him? Perhaps, but they did not touch him. The Samaritan who came along got down and lifted the man up, took him to a place to recover, and paid the bill! He ended His story with this challenge: "So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?” And he said, “He who showed mercy on him.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:36-37, NKJV) Among the many lessons from this story I take away this: there is no such thing as touchless healing! We have to be willing to get involved, to be dragged into the messy lives of others, and to walk alongside of those we want to help.

Do you want to see your extended family come to know Christ?
Get involved with their lives. Go to their gatherings. Be part of their celebrations and sorrows.
Are you concerned about the spiritual welfare of the people who live on your street or who work with you?
Forget being the ‘spiritual expert.’ Become human. Let yourself feel what they feel, and share life with them.

Here’s a word from the Word. "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." (1 John 4:7-11, NIV)
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Touch through me, Holy Spirit, Touch through me.
Let my hands reach out to others
Touch through me.
There's a lonely soul somewhere
Needing just one friend to care.
Touch through me, Holy Spirit, Touch through me.

Flow through me, Holy Spirit, Flow through me.
Like a river in the desert,
Flow through me.
Springing fountain, healing stream,
Living water, pure and clean,
Flow through me, Holy Spirit, Flow through me.

My hands will be Your hands
Reaching out to others.
My lips will not be slothful, Lord, to speak.
I will be that good Samaritan
To someone else in need.
I will be Your house to dwell in live through me.

Touch Through Me
Rambo, Dottie © 1981 John T. Benson Publishing Company (Admin. by Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc., 741 Coolsprings Blvd., Franklin TN 37067)CCLI License No. 810055

An Impossible Quest?

The central desire of my life is unattainable by human means and out of my natural reach. What might that desire be? To be a righteous and holy man. I awaken each morning knowing full well that my commitment to the way of Christ will be tested by temptations that spring out of nowhere and/or by unexplainable (from this world's perspective) events that seem to belie the existence of loving God.

As I write this, it is my sincere desire to be full of love towards all people today. Well experienced in real life, I know it is all but certain that I will fail in that quest, in some measure, before nightfall. I could react less than charitably, for example, when some driver of questionable skill makes me slam on my brakes to avoid a collision, or when someone takes up my time when I am trying to complete a task on a deadline; or when fatigue makes me more vulnerable to acting from emotional impulse. Similarly, it is my intent not to judge others, but I may lapse into cynical criticism of someone before the day is over. I truly want to make all choices in a way that puts God and His purposes in first place, but will I today? Literally, only God knows!

So, why engage in a quest so fraught with possibilities of failure? Why not lower my sights and be content with a lesser discipleship? Because I am commissioned and called to be holy. The Word tells me "just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." (1 Peter 1:15-16, NIV) It is not a suggestion! It is a demand made by God, who sets an impossible standard for my holiness - that of His own righteousness.

"Jerry," you may be thinking, "this is foolishness. No one can live under such pressure." I would tell you that you are mistaken on two counts - the first being assuming that aspiring to a holy life creates pressure, and secondarily that it is foolishness to want to obey the Lord's call! The paradox is that if I begin to believe that I can be loving, obedient to God, or a disciple through rational choice alone I will create pressure on myself that is unbearable. But, if I take up the call of the Way of the Cross with faith in His promise and Presence, I will find Jesus' comfort and a soul rest that is not obtainable in any other way. He says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:29-30, NIV)

Yoke is not a word generally associated with ease or comfort. A yoke was used for work, for bearing a load! When He calls us to be His disciples, the Lord is not inviting us to a life free of strain but He says if we come to Him and take HIS yoke, not one of our own making, the 'fit' will be right, not chafing. We will accomplish His work in ways that bring us soul-rest, a sense of significance and purpose. The work He asks of us may tire us, but it will not leave us feeling empty or hopeless. To be sure, days will come and go when we will only know obedience: without fulfillment, without knowing 'why' behind the 'what.'

Let me illustrate my point from my recent life experience. Over the six months, I spent many long nights spent tending to my father's needs as he lay dying. I did not always feel joyous about not being able to sleep, nor did I always think of getting him a drink of water at 3 am as something desirable - in the moment. But last week my perspective changed. He died! Now, I treasure the memories of such moments of simple service and wonder why I did not more gladly do even more for him given the cost that was, in retrospect, so small?

Very similarly, when God draws certain seasons to a close in our lives, we begin to see our obedience in a different light and we gain delight in what He has allowed us to do in cooperating with His plans and purposes in our world. If we take the yoke of Jesus Christ and live in obedience, our joy will be perfectly complete when we enter His Presence and see all our lives as He saw them all along! Disciple, He does not ask us to walk alone, nor does He ask us to deal with the people and situations that test our holiness all by ourselves.

Take this Psalm of promise with you into the battle today. It will make you strong and keep you on your feet, even when you're set back by some momentary lapse into sin or failure.

"A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem. A psalm of David.

What if the Lord had not been on our side?
Let all Israel repeat:
What if the Lord had not been on our side when people attacked us?
They would have swallowed us alive in their burning anger.
The waters would have engulfed us; a torrent would have overwhelmed us.
Yes, the raging waters of their fury would have overwhelmed our very lives.
Praise the Lord, who did not let their teeth tear us apart!
We escaped like a bird from a hunter's trap.
The trap is broken, and we are free!

Our help is from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." (Psalm 124, NLT)
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And He walks with me,
And He talks with me,
And He tells me that I am His own.
And the joy we share, as we tarry there,
None other has ever known! - public domain