A Few Words for Your Wedding Day

My niece, Jana, gets married today.  CWTW is an open letter for Jana and Marc.

Dear Marc and Jana,

Congratulations on your wedding day.  Becoming husband and wife is a wonderful thing, creating the possibility of the deepest joy or terrible sorrow.  No other decision has greater consequence for the rest of your life than the choice of a spouse. God celebrates you today! 

The best marriage is built on mutual love for the Lord, not sexual chemistry though sex is a gift of God!  Great marriages are not formed around personal compatibility even though it is best to share common values and ideals with our spouse. Your marriage will be strongest if you understand that you are making a covenant together with God at the center.  Yes, if each of you loves God even more than you love each other, He will draw you into a relationship that is rock-solid, deeply rewarding, with intimacy that others will envy.  Some bring expectations to marriage that are unreasonable.  “He/She will complete me, erasing all my disappointment in life,” is a common one. That idea makes for good movies but not for a good life. Your partner is just human.  He (generic use here) cannot possibly meet all your emotional or spiritual needs. Only Jesus can satisfy your soul.  So, stay strong in the Lord. Love Him and as He makes you whole, forgives you, and heals your hurts, from that strength you will be a great lover, bringing a whole person, not a broken one into the marriage.

Be flexible and learn to accept the changes that inevitably come to us all.  No matter how much you plan, life is beyond your control.  Too many marriages fail when crisis/change comes. Why? Because a spouse is too ready to ‘blame’ the other one for the unpleasantness of the moment.  When the storms blow, and they will, hang onto each other for dear life!  Your love will grow in ways you cannot begin to imagine in those difficult times, if you trust each other and God instead of looking for somebody to blame for your misery.

Be content. The flame of your love will sometimes burn brightly and some days will be like a candle’s glow. In those latter times, you are not a terrible person because you feel some unhappiness or wonder about your future together.  That’s normal. It’s called ‘being human.’  But, as the Word teaches, ‘guard your heart.’   The grass really isn’t greener on the other side of the fence, so do not compare your marriage, envy your friend’s relationship, or spend wasted time in fantasies.  Keep your heart at home and work together at finding your way through the valleys.

Settle each day’s debt that day. God’s wisdom - “don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil." (Ephesians 4:26-27, NLT)  In your conflicts, and two real people will have conflict,  remember that your goal in never to win. It is to resolve the issue.  There is a huge difference!

Ask for help!  No problem you encounter in your relationship is new or unique. We are amazingly complex beings.  Our best and worst traits, habits, and peculiarities show up at home where we feel safest. You probably will not believe me, but that little weird thing that you find so cute about her/him right now will likely become the  thing that sets you off when you deal with it day in and day out.  If you run into a rough spot, find a wise, older, godly person or couple who can listen, pray, and encourage you.  Someday, when you have been married for decades you will be able to share your discoveries with some young couple.  That’s the way God meant it to be.

And, celebrate each other.  Find reasons to cook special meals, to buy flowers, to leave notes, to say wonderful things. Love is not rocket science, it’s just learning to be aware of your partner and affirming her worth daily.  Plenty of people will criticize that person you live with. Don’t be one of them.  Add value with words and actions.  Are they perfect? No, but neither are you.  Celebrate who they are. Make a big deal of their successes, soothe their feelings when they fail. 

I pray that today is one you will remember with the greatest joy for many years to come, that you will live in God’s blessings, and most of all – that your marriage will reflect the goodness and grace of God into your world.  

Memorize this and choose to live it. 
"Love never gives up. 

Love cares more for others than for self. 
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. 
Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, 
doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” 
doesn’t fly off the handle, 
doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, 
doesn’t revel when others grovel, 
takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, 
trusts God always, always looks for the best, 
never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Love never dies.Inspired speech will be over some day;praying in tongues will end;understanding will reach its limit." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, The Message) 

"But for right now, until that completeness, 
we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: 
Trust steadily in God, 
hope unswervingly, 
love extravagantly.And the best of the three is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13, The Message)

Love you both,

Uncle Jerry

So, you're afraid? What now?

After a phone call yesterday, I felt real fear.  For a few moments I was “Chicken Little,” certain that the sky was falling.  What will I do? How will I ever deal with this?  Realizing that descending into panic  is an exercise in futility, I collected myself, turned to the Lord in prayer, put on some music that encouraged my soul, and talked with a friend.  In a matter of moments I  found my footing and put things into the proper perspective. The problem that I face is a real one, the potential for a negative impact on my life exists.  It is not denial that secures me, it is faith in my status as God’s child and the sure knowledge that all things that come into my life are known to Him and – if I give them to Him – will ultimately serve His purposes.

Fear can do strange and terrible things to us, if we allow it to take hold of us.  Don’t give it a foothold!  There is a better way.

In Exodus God tells us the story of the deliverance of His people from Egypt.  After the 10 plagues Pharaoh finally let them go, sending a nation of slaves off with Moses leading the way. "When word reached the king of Egypt that the Israelites were not planning to return to Egypt after three days, Pharaoh and his officials changed their minds. “What have we done, letting all these slaves get away?” they asked. So Pharaoh called out his troops and led the chase in his chariot." (Exodus 14:5-6, NLT)    God’s people were camped at the Red Sea, water in front of them, the elite forces of Egypt coming at them from behind.  Guess what happened! Yes, they panicked!  In spite of all they had seen God do, they let fear choke them.  "As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up and saw them—Egyptians! Coming at them! They were totally afraid. They cried out in terror to God. They told Moses, “Weren’t the cemeteries large enough in Egypt so that you had to take us out here in the wilderness to die? What have you done to us, taking us out of Egypt? Back in Egypt didn’t we tell you this would happen? Didn’t we tell you, ‘Leave us alone here in Egypt—we’re better off as slaves in Egypt than as corpses in the wilderness.’ ”  (Exodus 14:10-12, The Message)

Can you identify with their terror?  There were no obvious solutions, no place to turn – from a human point of view. How like our lives, isn’t it? But Moses reminded them that they belonged to the living God. “Don’t be afraid. Stand firm and watch God do his work of salvation for you today. Take a good look at the Egyptians today for you’re never going to see them again." (Exodus 14:13, The Message)   It was now faith-walking time for Moses. What was he going to do? What did God have in mind?

Apparently, he kept his own fear hidden from everyone but cried out to God in private. I love the text. "And the Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to Me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward." (Exodus 14:15, NKJV)  Stop bawling and get moving.  Then the Lord told him to get out in front of the people and stand beside the Red Sea. There he was to raise his staff and hold it over the water. God said it would part and the people would walk through on dry land!  I wonder if Moses wanted to say, “God, You said to do what?”   The man exercised faith and did what God asked. Only then did the path to deliverance appear.

Are you paralyzed by some problem?  Are you sitting around crying about it, worrying over it, fretting?  Take control of your emotions.  Call a friend of mature faith and let them pray for you, counsel you.  Hit your knees and not to cry, but to worship and wait! Murmur the truth about God’s sovereign power, His ability to change disaster to deliverance. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! " (Psalm 46:10, NKJV)

Here’s the word from the Word.  I pray we will own it and live the Truth!

"I know that you sincerely trust the Lord . . . This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you . . .  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. So you must never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. . . .  It is God who saved us and chose us to live a holy life. He did this not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan long before the world began—to show his love and kindness to us through Christ Jesus." (2 Timothy 1:5-9, NLT)

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My Lord Knows The Way

My Lord knows the way

Thro' the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow!

Strength for today is mine always,

And all I need for tomorrow.

My Lord knows the way,

Thro' the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow.

Sidney Edward Cox

© 1951. Renewed 1979 New Spring (Admin. by Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc.)

CCLI License # 810055

The Secret of Contentment

Little kids love to pretend, don’t they?  I watched three children recently playing ‘school.’  Two worked on their lessons and their little brother was the ‘teacher.’  He was really into his role, especially when he handed out discipline!  He enjoyed the temporary authority that his role gave him.  Adults slip into playacting, too.  We cover that insecure little kid that we feel like with titles, clothing, cars, and offices.  Sometimes it is hard to know where reality starts and image ends. Bluff and bluster are such a big part of the world we live in, aren’t they?

Christians need not play games, pretend, or pose. In fact, when we do these things, we fail the grace of God! One of the gifts He provides is the security of His unfailing love which allows us to be authentic people, no more, no less than HE created us to be.  Paul, when his ministry was attacked and demeaned, stood on the calling of God.  To those who dismissed him as nothing and no one he wrote, "Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." (2 Corinthians 3:4-6, NIV)   Did you note that phrase at the center of that passage?  “He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant!”

God called you into His family, equipped you to serve Him, and prepared you for His purposes. Who needs anything more than that? Who needs admiration, applause, or approval?   Oh that we would rest on His call and confirmation!  Living securely in God’s call allows us to do whatever we do in the best way possible. We are freed from the need to complain, liberated from self-consciousness.  We can say "by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." (1 Corinthians 15:10-11, NIV)

It should go without saying that our identity is not found in a perfectly shaped body, the house we live in, the college from which we got our degree, the title we have been given, or the kind of clothing we wear.  But, for too many, these are the things that define life. Comparison is a cruel kind of slavery. There is always someone to envy if we choose to live that way.  Terrible discontent is born when we look at others and define ‘success’ by their accomplishments.  I am not making any arguments for mediocrity today.   Living for God’s glory is our high calling. Knowing that we all stand before Christ Jesus give Him an account of our stewardship of His gifts ought to keep us honest.  It is both sobering and comforting to know that He does not grade us in comparison to anyone else.  He asks us to be all that He calls us to be. "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." (Ephesians 2:10, NLT)

Are you pretending, living in ways that are not authentic?  Are you allowing fear or pride to own your heart, stirring up discontent?  Kneel before the One who called you to know Him, who saved you from sin, who has given you eternal life. Humbly confess that childish sin of pretense and accept the gifts He’s given you.  Pray for courage to be all that He desires, for His glory alone.  Here’s the word from the Word. Paul reminds us that he had a great pedigree and, by human standards, had a record of real accomplishments.  But, what does he really value?  Read and learn. "Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ" (Philippians 3:8, NLT)

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Knowing You

All I once held dear, built my life upon.

All this world reveres and wars to own.

All I once thought gain I have counted loss,

Spent and worthless now compared to this.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You;

There is no greater thing!

You're my all, You're the best,

You're my joy, my righteousness,

And I love You, Lord.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,

To be found in You and known as Yours,

To possess by faith what I could not earn,

All surpassing gift of righteousness.

Oh to know the pow'r of Your risen life

And to know You in Your sufferings.

To become like You in Your death, my Lord,

So with You to live and never die!

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You;

There is no greater thing!

You're my all, You're the best,

You're my joy, my righteousness,

And I love You, Lord.

Graham Kendrick

© 1993 Make Way Music (Admin. by Music Services, Inc.)

CCLI License # 810055