Grand Poo-Bah or Life Coach?

On Sunday Americans will celebrate Dads. I am blessed with a good father, so Father's Day's is a happy one for me, a day of pleasant memories and ready tributes to the man whose influence shaped and molded my life. That is not the case for a good many people whose fathers were less than admirable in their character or so remote emotionally that they grew up virtual orphans. I hope you will honor your Dad, be he great or not so wonderful, for God's sake, this Sunday. After all, God saw fit to make this commandment part of the basic ten - "Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12, NLT)

Now fathers, let me address you for a moment. (The rest of you can skip this TFTD! See you on Monday.)

Filling the role of Dad is not a job for cowards, is it? It's tough to know when to be a disciplinarian and when to be tender, when to wrap your arms around your kid and when to kick his butt. It's hard to know when to tell him how and when to step back and let him try it on his own.

• We start out the fathering trip staring at our wife's expanding stomach wondering what in the world we've done to her and how that 'thing' inside of her body is going to change our life.
• Then they put that 7 lb. baby in our arms and we feel sheer terror, "I might break it." is our only thought in that moment.
• When he is a toddler, we start to realize that the 'baby' is really 'human,' and part of us.
• When they get on the school bus for the first time, we want to throw up because it hits us for the first time- "this child I love is going to leave me behind someday." Sometime around 7th grade, we start to wish they would leave tomorrow!
• The teenage years are amazing for fathers who stay engaged. The old line about 'herding cats' comes to mind. Despite our best efforts to provide guidance, they manage to do what they want, often rebelling just because they can. Dads spend most of those years feeling like a failure wondering where we went wrong.
• When they grow up and make the really big life choices - career, college, marriage, buying their first car - we feel pride and fear because we know that disappointment is inevitable and we don't want that adult person we still think of as 'our kid,' to have to be broken by life in the same ways we were.

Here's one thing I have learned about being a Dad that you can take for what it's worth - your kid, whether 4, 14, or 24 years of age - doesn't want a Grand Poo-Bah for a Dad; someone who is handing down edicts from some lofty height of imagined authority. They want a Life Coach, somebody who is showing them the way; modeling character, faith, and wisdom. Grand Poo-Bah Dads are kings; men who become melded with their recliners, TV remote in hand, barking out orders and sending their kids our to do the right things that they, themselves, don't do. They say really dumb things like - "You little *&%$! Who taught you to talk like that?" As they head off to their hunting camp for yet another weekend, Grand Poo-Bah Dads tell their son, "Go to church with your mother. It's important." GPB Dads lose touch with their kids, "their mother takes care of them," then cries in self-pity wondering "why doesn't he respect me?"

Life Coach Dads say, like Paul, "Follow me as I follow Christ." Watch how it's done, imitate my life. So, you're thinking, that's hard. Yep, it is. Life Coach Dads realize that values are caught, not taught. They don't have a private porn stash, or go to clubs where they can't take their son, or have a life apart from their family. Dad, live as an open book, letting your kids learn as much from your failures as they do from your successes. Let them know that Dads sometimes do not have the answer and that you need life coaches and God, too! Show them that making the God-honoring choice is costly, but right. Teach them to repent when you sin by admitting your error - to God and to them. Demonstrate that life is more than things, by making the choice to give yourself and your time to others, to the Lord.

Anybody can plant sperm and become a father in that sense. It takes guts, endurance, wisdom, and the daily help of the Spirit to be a real Dad. Few things in the world compare to the joy that a Life Coach Dad feels when he sees his son or daughter doing the right things and realizing with amazed wonder and some fear, too- "They becoming just like me!"

"Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. " (Ephesians 6:4, The Message)

Happy Father's Day.

Dressed for success

I would not go so far as to say that 'clothes make the man,' as some suggest. With the right help and budget, anybody can put together a suit of clothes that looks great! But, as shallow as we might think it is, there is some truth about being dressed for success. If you've seen the recent movie hit, "Pursuit of Happyness" (sp. in context) you may remember the scene where Chris Gardiner, the man struggling to make a living, goes directly from an overnight stay in jail to an interview for a job as a stock broker. He is dressed in old work clothes, disheveled, and covered with paint. When the brokerage manager asks him, "What would you say if a man walked in here with no shirt and I hired him?" Chris replies, "He must have had on some really nice pants!" Chris' courage and determination overcame his appearance and he got the job. We react to that scene because we know how extraordinary it is that his appearance did not quickly disqualify him from consideration.

God, through Christ Jesus, has purchased a suit for your soul, clothes you can put on that will dress you for real success. Paul writes about this in his letter to the church in Colosse. Take a look. "You’re done with that old life. It’s like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you’ve stripped off and put in the fire. Now you’re dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. . . . From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ. So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it." (Colossians 3:9-14, The Message)

When I get out of the shower in the morning, I look into my closet and dress myself according to the tasks of the day.
Day off, needing to do yardwork? Old polo shirt, work jeans, and sneakers are the uniform of the day.
Meeting at District office? Dress shirt, tie, jacket are the choice.
Conducting a funeral? Black suit, conservative tie.
Of course, inside those clothes it is the same Jerry, but each outfit prepares me to meet the obligations of the day. So it is with life. God knows that each day brings us differing challenges and tasks. So, He's prepared a whole wardrobe for us to wear that will help us do the work in a way that honors Him and displays His honor. Pull on compassion! Wear humility! Buckle on the belt of self-discipline! But never go out without putting on love! Paul reminds us that this is God's basic all-purpose, never out of style, coat.

This idea of being clothed by God, dressed for spiritual success, did not originate with Paul. Isaiah exults in God's provision for him, saying - "I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels." (Isaiah 61:10, NLT)

Strip off the old filthy clothing of the flesh, stained with sin. Throw it aside. Accept God's new suit - the righteousness of Christ. Enter the throne room of the King of Glory, confidently, dressed for the occasion, in the suit for the soul you could not afford, but which Jesus bought and paid for with His life. And, each day, suit up for His honor, wearing the wardrobe that marks you as a child of the King - love, compassion, kindness, humility, discipline, forgiveness.

"Yeah, I know, but..."

Each one of us could add to that list, in our own way, where we know we should live differently, but don't because we think that our situation gives us special privileges or because we think that the consequences that others suffer just will not happen to us. People that seek my counsel are often 'amazed' at what is happening to them as their health deteriorates, their marriage falls apart, or their kids go wild. Even as they acknowledge the decisions that got them where they are today, they excuse themselves with the old line, "Yeah, I know, but...."

Thinking that the rules apply to everyone except ourselves is a human trait that has a long heritage!
"Yeah, I know I was speeding, but...."
"Yeah, I know I oughta quit smoking, but...."
"Yeah, I know I'm flirting with disaster, but..."
"Yeah, I know I should get my spiritual life together, but..."

Some of you will remember the country song by Tom T. Hall that said, "Me and Jesus, got our own thing goin'. Me and Jesus, got it all worked out. Me and Jesus, got our own thing goin'. We don't need anybody to tell us what it's all about." The song talks about a man who worked out the sins in his life without a preacher or a church involved. It plays right into our cultural sense of 'me-ism,' in which we learn to think that everything is about ourselves, even knowing and serving God. In that upside-down view of life, our personal comfort, our happiness, our sense of well-being trumps everything else. Loving our Lord, giving up ourselves for our family, giving time and resources back to our town and/or church are not as important as making sure we are doing what we want to do. After all, what a Friend we have in Jesus with Whom we have it all worked out.

Here's what the Lord says. "You must not have any other god but me." (Exodus 20:3, NLT) That includes self! I look into the mirror often and tell myself, "There is one God, and you are not Him!" I do not get to write the guidelines for myself, God already did that. James writes about people who brag and boast about their plans, who mistakenly believe that they are a god. He says, "Look here, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit." How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, "If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that." Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil. Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." (James 4:13-17, NLT)

Jesus made this statement, which to our way of understanding appears a paradox: "If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." (Matthew 10:39, NLT) Without faith, without eyes that are open to the things of the Spirit, that statement makes no sense at all. "Give up your life?" You mean, don't make choices based on what's best in this moment, what feels good, what leads to making the most money, what feeds myself? That's exactly what He means! Our obedience allows us to find life to the full, to enjoy God's affirmation, and day to day intimacy with Him. It takes real faith to accept that and do what He says rather than what Self demands.

So you can read this and say, "Yeah, I know, but...." and give yourself an exemption. People do it all the time - and, they pay the price for their choices. "So, Jerry, you're saying I'll go to Hell if I do this?" Not at all, for I am not the judge. And, besides, the purpose of the Cross is to pay the price of saving us - completely! Making everything about Eternity is entirely the wrong line of thinking for a Christian anyway! Why are we so quick to think that what we do is all about 'going to Heaven or Hell?' It's about living a life that honors Christ Jesus, that builds the Kingdom, that lets other see His beauty, the majesty of His grace.

Here's a passage that merits meditation. It talks about the Believer on the Day when he stands before Christ to give an account. I don't think that "Yeah, I know, but..." will mean all that much before His fiery gaze, do you?

"Anyone who builds on that foundation (the salvation provided by Christ Jesus) may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value.

If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames. . . .

Stop deceiving yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world’s standards, you need to become a fool to be truly wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. . . . Everything belongs to you, and you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God." (1 Corinthians 3:12-23, NLT)

_______________________________________________

Oh that with yonder sacred throng,
we at His feet may fall!
We'll join the everlasting song,
and crown Him, Lord of all!

-public domain

I'm fed up with him!

One of my old, tired jokes goes like this.
"How are you, Jerry?"
"Oh, I am wonderful," I reply.
When the inquirer responds with surprise, which most do,
I go on to say, "Yes, some think I am wonderful; others despise me!"

But, it's not just a joke. For reasons too numerous to explore here, everyone of us deals with people we like and those we find offensive. With some we have an instant sense of connection. With others an equally strong sense of rejection. I am glad for this fact: we are able to overcome our emotional feelings about others for love is a choice. I was talking to a person recently that has become a good friend, whose company I now genuinely enjoy. As we talked, I remembered a time in the past when we did not care for each other - not even a little bit! With patience, we overcame our initial feelings about each other and learned to be brothers in Christ who are on the same team.

Are you one of those people who thinks that love is primarily an emotion, something over which you have little control? Consider what the Word says - "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony." (Colossians 3:12-14, NLT) What a radical command, so different from the way that people normally act toward those who disappoint them. How easily we work ourselves up to an angry pitch when discussing someone's failures and/or faults. "Can you believe the way she acted in that meeting today? She was so irritating. She is always doing stupid, selfish things like that! I can't believe she claims to be a Christian... " and so it goes. Our mouths are off and running and somebody's reputation gets beat up badly by the time we are finished!

What if we took the Scripture to heart and the moment that kind of conversation started, we intervened with a statement like - "We ought to take a moment to consider the kind of pressure that she is experiencing that causes her to act in that kind of way. Do you think there is something we could do to help her through this?" Or, "I remember when I was less than godly and I am sure glad that someone was patient enough to help me get through it, even when I was acting like selfish child." Or, "Let's make a different choice, and just let it slide for the sake of the Lord." Foolish, you say? In fact it is what it means to show gentleness, to make allowance for the failures of another.

The wisdom of Proverbs reminds us that "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." (Proverbs 17:9, NIV) Peter amplifies that by telling us that "you must sincerely love each other, because love wipes away many sins." (1 Peter 4:8, CEV)

Dr. Dan Allender wrote a book titled, Bold Love, in which he calls on Believers to become 'warriors of love.' Sounds like a contradiction in terms, doesn't it? Love and warrior just do not mix - in natural terms. But the truth is that love is an unbelievably powerful weapon in the hands of a Holy Spirit-filled individual. Our model is Christ Himself - who changed the world, who saved me, with love alone. It is not a syrupy love of romantic expectations. It is an active love that requires great wisdom, that advances - at great cost to itself - against evil.

The words of Jesus, recorded in Luke 6, tell us to "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that."

In our war of love, we cannot become predictable or simple-minded. Instead, we must be full of the wise ways of the Spirit, constantly studying those who are in need of love, seeking ways to overcome their defenses. Remember, you can only love to the extent that you are loved! God loves you and He loves me with a deep, unwavering, healing love. "Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other." (1 John 4:11, NLT) Go, warrior, and engage in the battle of love - dying to self and choosing to be a healer of the unlovely - for God's sake.
_______________________

Lord, I come to You,
Let my heart be changed, renewed;
Flowing from the grace
That I've found in You;
And Lord, I've come to know,
The weaknesses I see in me,
Will be stripped away
By the pow'r of Your love.

Hold me close,
Let Your love surround me;
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side;
And as I wait,
I'll rise up like the eagle,
And I will soar with You,
Your Spirit leads me on
In the pow'r of Your love.

The Power Of Your Love -
Bullock, Geoff
© 1992 Word Music, Inc. (Admin. by Word Music Group, Inc.) / Maranatha! Music (Admin. by Word Music Group, Inc.) CCLI License No. 810055

At peace in His Presence

Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of situations we want to change, don't we? It can be hard to know if we should accept what is or work for change. Recently, I found myself in the middle of one of those dilemmas. I struggled, complained (inwardly), and tried to forget my inner conflict. The fight drew down my strength. Finally, in prayer, I handed it over to the Lord. "Lead me through this time. Keep my heart at peace even as You lead me to contentment with what You provide for me, and teach me what my part in change should be." I was praying a version of a prayer that ends most 12 step group meetings, commonly known as the Serenity Prayer. This prayer, authorship unknown, says,

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."

The counsel of the Scripture teaches us to be content, while encouraging us to be activists! We are never to be fatalists, detaching ourselves from this painful world while just waiting for Divine Deliverance. Jesus gives us the Spirit and tells us to "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20, NIV)
What a commission! Our field is the world. Our work in not finished until every man and woman has heard the Good News about Jesus Christ. If I read them and reflect on my limited abilities, even factoring in my network of fellow Believers, the task is overwhelming - creating a unsettled heart in me. That is why Jesus concluded as He did reminding us that we are not in this alone! "I am with you!" His Presence in our lives is the KEY to serenity! Whatever the challenge, whatever our need - if we are 'in Christ,' we do not face it alone.

There is a short story that Mark tells us. Most likely his source was Peter who mentored Mark in the work of Christ. My imagination has the two of them sharing a meal when the older man leans back on his elbows, getting ready to tell a story that makes him laugh at his lack of faith at that time. "Let me tell about a time when I thought I was going to die. And then Jesus did the most amazing thing that left me shaking in my shoes!" Peter then told about this night on the lake.
"As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, "Let’s cross to the other side of the lake." So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed). But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water. Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion.
The disciples woke him up, shouting, "Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?"
When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Silence! Be still!"
Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm.
Then he asked them, "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
The disciples were absolutely terrified. "Who is this man?" they asked each other. "Even the wind and waves obey him!" (Mark 4:35-42, NLT)

Is there a storm brewing around you? Are you faced with a situation that makes you want to run for the hills? Are you unsure of your response to a challenge- to work harder, to wait it out, to stand back and see what develops, or to dig in and work for change?

God will guide you. But, His guidance is best known when we are at peace, even in the middle of the storm. When we are frantic with fear, thrashing about like a fly caught in a spider's web, our spiritual discernment becomes next to nil! Pray early, pray always, pray with faith! Keep Jesus in your boat. His Presence brings serenity; serenity makes us effective in accomplishing the work He has called us to do in His Name.
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"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
The Lord of hosts (General of the Angel Armies) is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge."

(Psalm 46:10-11, NKJV)