Some of you will find my opening lines unpleasant but I hope you will hang in there for the point today. Our skin is an amazing thing, capable of repair, protective of our health, and filled with sensitive nerve ending. When damaged with a cut or abrasion, our skin forms a scab. Scabs might seem like a gross thing, but they are critically important to healing, protecting wounds against infections. Underneath that ugly, scaly thing the body is busy with a process of repair of skin cells and blood vessel restoration. There are white blood cells actively fighting off germs. So, stop picking at that scab! If you pull it off you risk infection and you most certainly delay healing, while risking development of a bigger scar.
In an age when we have become much more aware of our mental health, tending to be more thoughtful, and generally much more sensitive to being ‘hurt’ by others in so many ways, I am of the opinion that some of us delay healing with repetitive picking at our emotional wound. We are ready to recount, in detail, that wrong that was done to us a decade ago. We refuse to forgive the person who treated us cruelly, rehearsing the wrong, reminding ourselves of the ‘toxic’ treatment we received.
Let me pause to acknowledge that pain is real. Wounds can go deep. In another time we might have been encouraged to minimize those things. We may have been taught to ‘step over’ it or to just ‘get over it. That is not what I am encouraging today. Spending time with a good therapist who can help us gain perspective can be valuable. Praying through our pain with a trusted and wise friend offers the hope of real healing.
However, we must be willing to let the wound heal, to
come to a place where we acknowledge the hurt but are ready to move on in life
without a need to excuse our present by pointing at our past! We can learn to say
things like this -
“It happened!
I learned from it!
I accept my part in it!
I am willing to forgive others who participated in it!
I am more than that trauma!”
Forty years ago, I went through an intense time of emotional trauma. I spare you the details, but it was truly awful. I did what I thought was the Christian thing to do at the time – excusing the wrong in myself and others, professing a forgiveness I did not truly feel, and carrying on with life in a busy way. A few years later, I became clinically depressed and it nearly cost me my life.
I finally acknowledged the incompleteness of my experience and with the loving care of some and the patient encouragement of my wife I found true healing. The scar remains but the wound is gone. The hurt turned into a source of genuine life change and a much more profound appreciation of the grace and love of Jesus!
Yes, we can heal. Those real hurts from a divorce, a church split, a broken friendship, even abuse of many kinds can heal. They will leave a scar. But they need not stay open wounds for the rest of our lives because we keep picking the scab, ripping them open again and again.
How can we heal?
At the risk of over-simplification, I offer these thoughts today.
First, find a friend!
I love the work of Alcoholics Anonymous. Why? It provides a safe place for an alcoholic
to find friends who share the addiction and encouragement to work for sobriety.
Whatever your wound, a primary step in starting to heal is finding a place to talk
about it with people who understand. How I pray that the Church will be more
like AA and less like a country club!
Second, be honest!
Don’t offer excuses for yourself or those who hurt you. Dealing with the facts
is important. Self-deception can trap us as we reframe the experience to fit
our own needs. Commit to the truth.
Third, be prayerful!
The old hymn says, “take it to the Lord in prayer.” In my experience decades ago, I took that terrible
situation to the Lord so many times. I knelt in our church sanctuary alone and
wept as I talked to Jesus. He began the healing by showing me His love and
leading me to great people who loved me, prayed for me, and gave professional
care that saved my life.
Fourth, be appropriately forgiving!
True forgiveness is not just ‘letting the other guy off the hook.’ It is not
making an excuse for them such as, “well, they’re only human.’ We forgive when we release whatever debt we
feel to God for His judgment. Some justice we desire is just out of reach in
this world and we are wise to take Jesus’ word when He says, “forgive and
you will be forgiven.”
Lastly, learn acceptance and grace!
People are imperfect, including me and you. Good people make awful decisions. Yes,
some are truly evil and require removal from our circle, but most are just garden
variety sinners who hurt without thinking, who say stupid or foolish things, who
make an awful choice in a moment of weakness. Does it make the wound they
inflict less real? Not at all, but IF we want to heal we need to say this often - "There
but for the grace of God, go I."
Let’s grow into spiritual maturity, scarred from the battles of life, but courageous for the future and committed to the goodness of God.
The word from the Word says
"Christ’s love … has
the first and last word in everything we do. Our firm decision is to work from this
focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included
everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a
resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own.
Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore.
Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other." (2 Corinthians 5:14-18, The Message)
Amen.
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Video at https://www.youtube.com/@JerScott55
