You need more than Social Media!

Social Media – Facebook, Instagram, TikTok - some hate it, some love it, a few are casual users. I confess to signing into my accounts on a daily basis. I enjoy seeing pictures of friends and family, reading about where people have been, what they are doing in life.

Can social media be a time waster? It sure can. Mindless scrolling through video reels can eat an hour without conscious thought.
Can it be addictive? Yes, again.
Is it a great way to connect with people? In my opinion, yes, too! Last night our pastor posted a prayer need on our church’s ‘virtual prayer room’ and in just a few moments, a dozen people connected and promised to pray!
You are I are mostly connected for this devotional thought through some social media platform, and I hope that the time spent ‘together’ is beneficial.

However - the virtual connection can never replace flesh and blood friendships. There is no way a Facebook post will ever replace a shared meal; laughing together, being around each other. Our church offers an ‘online’ experience for those who cannot make it to the church building. But it is a poor substitute for being in the same room, singing, prayer, and hearing the Word with others.

Yet I am convinced that virtual ties enhance the living one.

Why do we enjoy connections?

God made us to be social! The circle of friends in our lives steady us, encourage us, and help us to avoid that sense of meaninglessness that so often accompanies anonymity. Real and living social interaction keeps us healthy- physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The Proverbs reminds us that "A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need." (Proverbs 17:17, NLT) Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, said “In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. They keep the young out of mischief; they comfort and aid the old in their weakness, and they incite those in the prime of life to noble deeds.”

Friendships do not simply form and sustain themselves. Like all things of value, they must be cultivated, protected, and strengthened by investment of time and energy. Are you building friendships? Are you forming and nurturing connections with other people?

A healthy Christian cannot be a Lone Ranger, even though he realizes that relationships can be trying as well as a blessing. He will not give in to misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Jesus said, "This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other." (John 13:35, The Message) The quality of that love is such that relationships take priority over convenience, work obligations, and even personal feelings! We are committed to one another.

Paul’s prime illustration for the Christian’s connection to others is the human body. My body is a collection of limbs and organs, different parts, still - a unit- each part critical to the function of the whole! Of Christians he says - "You are Christ’s body—that’s who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything." ... The wisdom of the Word reminds us that “The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. …

Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything? But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it.” (1 Corinthians 12)

Let’s be friends – real, loving, deeply connected with others. You might think you’re strong, not really in need of others at this time. Let me tell you from personal experience – the time will come, sooner or later, when you will need others. I am now in a season of life when I cannot even imagine how I would live well without the amazing friends that share life with me, who cry with me, who laugh with me, who share my worship of God.

Here is a word from the Word. "If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:10-12, NLT)

We are, indeed, better together!

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Video of this blog

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Rejected?

Among the hard things to endure in our shared human experience is rejection! How do you react when someone that you have cared for turns on you, cutting off meaningful dialogue, and seeming to erase all the good things that once existed?  This has happened to me more than a few times. A relationship I thought was deep and solid disappears in a moment of misunderstanding. Politics, religious convictions, even money issues are reasons that even someone we thought to be a life-long friend pulls away, rejecting us.

You have probably been in that situation, too. Yes, there are situations where we do know why.
Perhaps we were abrupt in an angry moment.
Maybe we failed to show the kind of love the other person expected because of distraction.
No matter. It is just a reality that rejection by others happens – when priorities change, when a new relationship takes over, when life’s circumstances shift.

Why does it hurt so much? 
Rejection rips at many parts of us; our sense of belonging, how we feel about our worth, and our hopes and expectations for the future. The loss of a relationship, accompanied by a refusal to explain or reconnect, is deeply painful and can last for months, if not years!

Christian, there is healing to be found. Our Savior understands. He was “despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.” (Isaiah 53) Rediscovering joy after experiencing rejection by another is a process that we can walk through with the sure knowledge that He will guide us, love us, and keep us.

Healing requires a few essential actions.

First, try to see the rejection separately from how you think of yourself.

Rejection does not automatically mean “I am not good enough.”  Being turned down for a promotion might not indicate a lack in you. It could simply be that someone else was a better fit. When a friend pulls away it might not even be about you.  It could be factors in their own life experience that were prioritized over the relationship.

If every rejection becomes a referendum on your self-worth, you will live from crisis to crisis, and self-esteem will be badly damaged.

Second, listen to the way you are telling yourself the story! 

Are you blaming, making the other person ‘the bad guy?’
Are you making sweeping assumptions about their character, their intentions, their motives?

“All is lost, the future is hopeless, there is no way forward.”  These kinds of stories we tell ourselves can turn into self-fulfilling prophecy.  Stop the spiral. Find a trusted friend with whom you can speak honestly but who is capable of challenging your conclusions. Ask them to help you rewrite the story you are telling yourself. Even better, find someone who shares your spiritual values and ask them to pray WITH you, not just for you.

Third, learn from the experience!

If rejections happen with regularity, in similar patterns, there might be choices to be made to change the way you relate to others.
Did you make demands on a relationship too young to bear the weight? 
Are you overly dependent on the other person, replaced real love with ‘smother love?’ 
Were you too transparent causing the person to withdraw because they are not ready for that depth of connection?
Are you expecting too much of others, unwilling to accept that people’s emotions and need can be very fickle?

Fourth, let it be, but don’t ignore it.

Two mistakes are common. Sometimes we want to bury the pain, and we tell ourselves it does not matter, that we ‘just fine.’  That’s a sure way to build a reservoir of resentment. The other is to keep poking at it, revisiting constantly.  Truthfully, it can often take months to see the reality that surrounds a rejection. It can help us to refuse to obsess about the loss, to set it aside for a time before we revisit the situation or attempt a reconciliation.

Fifth, face it and grow.

I am reluctant to say this because it can become an excuse for cruelty or isolation.
But we must become tolerant of rejection. Not getting that job or having a friend move on need not cause us to be overwhelmed with feelings of despair.  We can refuse to be fragile, without becoming brittle. Think about that!

We can use the pain of rejection to grow into a better person. We can learn to be more accepting, to love others more deeply, even to develop more tolerance for difference in our friends and family members.

Lastly, Jesus teaches us to forgive!

Forgiveness is not a moment; it is a process. It is not telling ourselves “it didn’t matter,” it is giving the hurt to the Lord and praying for His way to be found. He is always just. He knows your heart better than you know yourself. You can trust Him with the pain and with the future, a choice that allows you to ‘let go’ of the need to get your own way or even to see the other person ‘set right!’

Even the best Person who ever lived was rejected by people. Jesus gave His best and was judged the worst by some who had their own agenda. But His rejection became the reason for the acceptance you and I can know that is the most important thing in our lives – God’s love and promise of eternal life!

He willingly chose to love, to give of Himself, without self-pity, without resentment. I pray we will choose that path, becoming like Him in our willingness to serve the world in which we live regardless of their love or acceptance.

Here is a thoughtful word from the Word. May the wisdom of Jesus guide us today. “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.  “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly.”  (Matthew 5)

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Video of this blog

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Who is given the place of honor?

While leading a class on baptism last Sunday morning, I read a passage that describes the social structure of the Church. “You are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”  (Galatians 3) I have read that passage hundreds of times but this week it arrested my attention in a new way. God wants His Church to be without the divisions that exist in human society. Simply said, in Christ Jesus ALL of the ways that we divide ourselves are erased. We are “one” in Him when we are baptized into His Body.

Let’s be honest. While we might say “amen” to that passage, the reality is often far from the truth, isn’t it?  Christians are just as likely to favor some over others as anyone else. One of the more common ways we do it is around economic status. Wealth has always attracted the attention of others - as far back as we can track history! Money is a magnet. Access to resources gives a person power over others; the ability to buy services and influence.

This issue was a problem all the way back to the first Church of Jerusalem. James, who led that church, spoke pointedly about it.
“My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others? For example, suppose someone comes into your meeting dressed in fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, and another comes in who is poor and dressed in dirty clothes. If you give special attention and a good seat to the rich person, but you say to the poor one, “You can stand over there, or else sit on the floor”—well, doesn’t this discrimination show that your judgments are guided by evil motives?

Listen to me, dear brothers and sisters. Hasn’t God chosen the poor in this world to be rich in faith? Aren’t they the ones who will inherit the Kingdom he promised to those who love him? But you dishonor the poor! Isn’t it the rich who oppress you and drag you into court? Aren’t they the ones who slander Jesus Christ, whose noble name you bear?” (James 2)

The natural way to approach life is to honor those that we believe provide resources – money, leadership, skills of various types – for the Church’s existence. So, we give the guy with the fancy clothes and expensive jewelry to James’ terms, the front row expecting that he can help pay the mortgage. We justify our choice by pointing out that his donation benefits so many. But God sees it differently.  

That autistic boy who sometimes noisily disrupts the gathering is every bit as valuable to the Body of Christ as the person who is able to put a large donation in the offering every time, he enters the building. That immigrant woman who can barely speak English is as beloved by God as the eloquent preacher in the pulpit.

I love the way Russell Moore writes about this. He says “the Kingdom of God turns the Darwinist narrative about the ‘survival of the fittest’ upside down. When the Church honors the vulnerable among us, we are not showing charity. We are simply recognizing the way the world really works. … if we allow a fascination with elite forms of cultural influence – political and/or economic- we will drive away the truth of the Kingdom.”

The only way to defeat the natural (yes, sinful) choice to give preference to the rich, the beautiful, or the talented is to give the Holy Spirit full access to our minds and heart. Unless He does a deep work of transformation, we will slip into discriminatory patterns without even a conscious thought.

“The Church is not built on the rock foundation of geniuses and influencers but on apostles and prophets. This should hardly be surprising, since the kingdom is not greater than the King. When confronted by the Gospel, the natural response parallels that of those who heard about Jesus and asked, “can any good thing come out of Nazareth?”  - Russell Moore

May the humble Jesus find a place of honor in our hearts and make us like Him – filled with genuine love, without the sin of preference for supermodels and billionaires. May our churches truly be ‘the Body of Christ’ where His cross is remembered and His selfless life is our model.

The word from the Word is familiar. May it take new meaning for us all. Jesus said ^“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”  (John 13)

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Video of this blog

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