Do You Know How to Be Tough?

Americans are losing the ability to deal with hardship; many of us simply do not know how to deal with life’s realities! We (yes, I include myself!) too often confuse what is inconvenient with what is truly hardship. We grow irritated when asked to step outside of our comfort zone. We refuse to engage with the normal rhythms of life with acceptance; aging, sickness, even death- and become graceless and mean because of it. Parents often work at eliminating every stressful situation in a child’s life, creating a person who is overwhelmed by ‘adulting.’

Tish Harrison Warren, author of What Grows in Weary Lands: On Christian Resilience, reminds us that stress and difficulty can serve the purpose of making us deeper, stronger, and better persons. That may sound ridiculous to a person who has been trained from infancy that being happy is life’s highest aim. Warren said “If your chief identity is as a consumer and your main goal in life is individual happiness or having an ‘Instagrammable’ life, then anything that seems hard and threatens a sense of bliss is something to be avoided. If that is the story we tell ourselves, our goal will be to as comfortable as possible for as long as we can.”  With great wisdom she also says, “What brings our life meaning – faith, relationships, generative work, the commitment to celibacy or marriage, and parenting – is difficult.” (Christianity Today, page 80, May/June 2026) 

The Scripture, which should shape the life and values of those who follow Christ, 
is filled with stories of hardship, difficulty, and resilience 
in the lives of the faithful! 
Revelation lauds those who faithfully remain 
through tests and trials calling them ‘overcomers.’

Abraham left the city where he was born to follow God’s call to become a ‘great nation’ through which the whole earth would be blessed. He was promised an heir and waited through disappointment for many decades before the miraculous birth of his son.

Joseph, pressed through 2 long decades of rejection, false accusation, and imprisonment before he experienced the promise that God had made to him in his teen years. Those hard years formed the character in him that made him the Prime Minister of Egypt in a time of national crisis. He summarizes his life with these words – “Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, ‘It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.’  The second son he named Ephraim and said, ‘It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.’  (Genesis 41:51-52)

David was anointed to be the next king of Israel by Samuel but then found himself chased through the hills as a fugitive, threatened with death by a mad king, and struggling with mutinous followers. He waited through many long years to take the throne. In times of hardship, we learn that “David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God.”  (1 Samuel 30)

Jesus left the perfection of His Glory to embrace humanity and ultimately to suffer death on the Cross. He did so for the purposes of our salvation. Paul writes that Jesus “made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name.”  (Philippians 2)

Not for a moment I am suggesting that we go looking for hardship or that we try to make martyrs of ourselves, but for Christ’s sake (literally!) we need to stop running from hard things and avoiding the call of God. James says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, a whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. … Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”  (James 1)

Peter, who knew a thing or two about hardship and failure, urged us to choose to be faithful as we hold onto this promise. “In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So, after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”  (1 Peter 5) He sees that the obvious experience of the disciple of Jesus is to live counter-culturally and thus, to know hardship.

Friend, the best life, one that is fully engaged with others and committed to excellence, will be hard from time to time. Choose to really LIVE, refusing the call of the ‘broad way’ to destruction and following the way of Jesus.

Here’s a word from the Word. “Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.
 “For in just a little while, the Coming One will come and not delay.
And my righteous ones will live by faith. But I will take no pleasure in anyone who turns away.”
But we are not like those who turn away from God to their own destruction. We are the faithful ones, whose souls will be saved.” (Hebrews 10)

Press on. Choose the best way. Faith is our victory.  Amen.

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You need more than Social Media!

Social Media – Facebook, Instagram, TikTok - some hate it, some love it, a few are casual users. I confess to signing into my accounts on a daily basis. I enjoy seeing pictures of friends and family, reading about where people have been, what they are doing in life.

Can social media be a time waster? It sure can. Mindless scrolling through video reels can eat an hour without conscious thought.
Can it be addictive? Yes, again.
Is it a great way to connect with people? In my opinion, yes, too! Last night our pastor posted a prayer need on our church’s ‘virtual prayer room’ and in just a few moments, a dozen people connected and promised to pray!
You are I are mostly connected for this devotional thought through some social media platform, and I hope that the time spent ‘together’ is beneficial.

However - the virtual connection can never replace flesh and blood friendships. There is no way a Facebook post will ever replace a shared meal; laughing together, being around each other. Our church offers an ‘online’ experience for those who cannot make it to the church building. But it is a poor substitute for being in the same room, singing, prayer, and hearing the Word with others.

Yet I am convinced that virtual ties enhance the living one.

Why do we enjoy connections?

God made us to be social! The circle of friends in our lives steady us, encourage us, and help us to avoid that sense of meaninglessness that so often accompanies anonymity. Real and living social interaction keeps us healthy- physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The Proverbs reminds us that "A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need." (Proverbs 17:17, NLT) Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, said “In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. They keep the young out of mischief; they comfort and aid the old in their weakness, and they incite those in the prime of life to noble deeds.”

Friendships do not simply form and sustain themselves. Like all things of value, they must be cultivated, protected, and strengthened by investment of time and energy. Are you building friendships? Are you forming and nurturing connections with other people?

A healthy Christian cannot be a Lone Ranger, even though he realizes that relationships can be trying as well as a blessing. He will not give in to misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Jesus said, "This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other." (John 13:35, The Message) The quality of that love is such that relationships take priority over convenience, work obligations, and even personal feelings! We are committed to one another.

Paul’s prime illustration for the Christian’s connection to others is the human body. My body is a collection of limbs and organs, different parts, still - a unit- each part critical to the function of the whole! Of Christians he says - "You are Christ’s body—that’s who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything." ... The wisdom of the Word reminds us that “The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. …

Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything? But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it.” (1 Corinthians 12)

Let’s be friends – real, loving, deeply connected with others. You might think you’re strong, not really in need of others at this time. Let me tell you from personal experience – the time will come, sooner or later, when you will need others. I am now in a season of life when I cannot even imagine how I would live well without the amazing friends that share life with me, who cry with me, who laugh with me, who share my worship of God.

Here is a word from the Word. "If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:10-12, NLT)

We are, indeed, better together!

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Rejected?

Among the hard things to endure in our shared human experience is rejection! How do you react when someone that you have cared for turns on you, cutting off meaningful dialogue, and seeming to erase all the good things that once existed?  This has happened to me more than a few times. A relationship I thought was deep and solid disappears in a moment of misunderstanding. Politics, religious convictions, even money issues are reasons that even someone we thought to be a life-long friend pulls away, rejecting us.

You have probably been in that situation, too. Yes, there are situations where we do know why.
Perhaps we were abrupt in an angry moment.
Maybe we failed to show the kind of love the other person expected because of distraction.
No matter. It is just a reality that rejection by others happens – when priorities change, when a new relationship takes over, when life’s circumstances shift.

Why does it hurt so much? 
Rejection rips at many parts of us; our sense of belonging, how we feel about our worth, and our hopes and expectations for the future. The loss of a relationship, accompanied by a refusal to explain or reconnect, is deeply painful and can last for months, if not years!

Christian, there is healing to be found. Our Savior understands. He was “despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.” (Isaiah 53) Rediscovering joy after experiencing rejection by another is a process that we can walk through with the sure knowledge that He will guide us, love us, and keep us.

Healing requires a few essential actions.

First, try to see the rejection separately from how you think of yourself.

Rejection does not automatically mean “I am not good enough.”  Being turned down for a promotion might not indicate a lack in you. It could simply be that someone else was a better fit. When a friend pulls away it might not even be about you.  It could be factors in their own life experience that were prioritized over the relationship.

If every rejection becomes a referendum on your self-worth, you will live from crisis to crisis, and self-esteem will be badly damaged.

Second, listen to the way you are telling yourself the story! 

Are you blaming, making the other person ‘the bad guy?’
Are you making sweeping assumptions about their character, their intentions, their motives?

“All is lost, the future is hopeless, there is no way forward.”  These kinds of stories we tell ourselves can turn into self-fulfilling prophecy.  Stop the spiral. Find a trusted friend with whom you can speak honestly but who is capable of challenging your conclusions. Ask them to help you rewrite the story you are telling yourself. Even better, find someone who shares your spiritual values and ask them to pray WITH you, not just for you.

Third, learn from the experience!

If rejections happen with regularity, in similar patterns, there might be choices to be made to change the way you relate to others.
Did you make demands on a relationship too young to bear the weight? 
Are you overly dependent on the other person, replaced real love with ‘smother love?’ 
Were you too transparent causing the person to withdraw because they are not ready for that depth of connection?
Are you expecting too much of others, unwilling to accept that people’s emotions and need can be very fickle?

Fourth, let it be, but don’t ignore it.

Two mistakes are common. Sometimes we want to bury the pain, and we tell ourselves it does not matter, that we ‘just fine.’  That’s a sure way to build a reservoir of resentment. The other is to keep poking at it, revisiting constantly.  Truthfully, it can often take months to see the reality that surrounds a rejection. It can help us to refuse to obsess about the loss, to set it aside for a time before we revisit the situation or attempt a reconciliation.

Fifth, face it and grow.

I am reluctant to say this because it can become an excuse for cruelty or isolation.
But we must become tolerant of rejection. Not getting that job or having a friend move on need not cause us to be overwhelmed with feelings of despair.  We can refuse to be fragile, without becoming brittle. Think about that!

We can use the pain of rejection to grow into a better person. We can learn to be more accepting, to love others more deeply, even to develop more tolerance for difference in our friends and family members.

Lastly, Jesus teaches us to forgive!

Forgiveness is not a moment; it is a process. It is not telling ourselves “it didn’t matter,” it is giving the hurt to the Lord and praying for His way to be found. He is always just. He knows your heart better than you know yourself. You can trust Him with the pain and with the future, a choice that allows you to ‘let go’ of the need to get your own way or even to see the other person ‘set right!’

Even the best Person who ever lived was rejected by people. Jesus gave His best and was judged the worst by some who had their own agenda. But His rejection became the reason for the acceptance you and I can know that is the most important thing in our lives – God’s love and promise of eternal life!

He willingly chose to love, to give of Himself, without self-pity, without resentment. I pray we will choose that path, becoming like Him in our willingness to serve the world in which we live regardless of their love or acceptance.

Here is a thoughtful word from the Word. May the wisdom of Jesus guide us today. “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.  “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly.”  (Matthew 5)

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