Tomorrow is Father's Day. A few voices raise their objections
to the celebration of fathers, claiming that it only perpetuates harmful
traditions that turn men into tyrants and forces them to be emotionally repressed
in a role as breadwinner and protector. To that I say, “really?” with some
scorn.
Dads need to celebrated. Sure, there are men who do not do a good job of
nurturing their families. There are a few who abuse their place and misuse
their influence. But millions are doing their best to fill a unique place in their
family. I was blessed with a good father and Father's Day is happy occasion for
me—a day filled with pleasant memories and grateful tributes to the man who was
not perfect but was and remains a powerful shaper of my life and values.
God included this command among the Ten Commandments: "Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12, NLT)
Being a Dad is not a job for cowards, is it? It's hard to know when to be firm and when to be tender, when to put your arms around your child and when to apply discipline. It's difficult to know when to give directions and when to step back and let them learn on their own.
We begin the journey of fatherhood staring at the evidence of pregnancy in our wife and we wonder what in the world we've gotten ourselves into and what new challenges we face. Then in a moment when that tiny bit of humanity is placed in our arms, we are overwhelmed with love. How clearly do I remember that moment on February 10, 1977, when my first son was handed to me in a hospital room and I wept- tears that spoke of the love I felt and the terror of a whole new role in adulthood! A life depended on ME!
When that first day of school rolls around and they climb onto the school bus we suddenly realize that someday this child we love will leave us behind. By seventh grade, stormy moments make us think that tomorrow will not be too soon!
The teenage years are amazing for fathers who stay engaged. Herding cats comes to mind. Despite our best efforts, our kids often do what they want, sometimes rebelling simply because they can. Many dads spend those years wondering where they went wrong.
Then come the big decisions—college, career, marriage, and buying that first car. We feel pride, mixed with fear, because we know disappointment is inevitable. We don't want our grown children—the ones we still think of as "our kids"—to feel the same hurt we all know, yet we also realize that they will and they must if they are to grow in fully productive adults.
Here's one thing I've learned about fatherhood, for whatever it's worth:
Your child—whether four, fourteen, or twenty-four—doesn't need a man who knows it all or who is flawless. They don't need someone issuing decrees from some lofty throne of authority. That child – be she 4, 14, 24, or 44 - needs a coach—someone watching carefully over her, who prays for her, and helps to develop character, faith, and wisdom.
Dads who have an inflated sense of their own importance, who
demand subservience, are fools! They bark out orders and demand things from
their children that they themselves refuse to do.
They say foolish things like, "Who taught you to talk like that?"
while cursing like a sailor in the garage when things go wrong.
They tell their son, "Go to church with your mother. It's important,"
and take off for another weekend at hunting camp.
They emotionally disengage from their children because "their Mom takes
care of that stuff," and then wonder "Why doesn't he talk with
me?"
Life Coach dads take up the hard work of showing the way. They say, without pride, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." (1 Corinthians 11:1)
Life Coach dads understand that values are more often caught than taught. They don't compartmentalize their faith. They allow their children to see not only their successes, but also their failures. They admit when they don't have all the answers. They demonstrate that they need mentors and that they need God. They show their children that doing what honors God is sometimes costly—but always right.
Life Coach dads model grace by practicing it. They are confessing their sins to God and admit their mistakes to their children. They love even when it is undeserved because they know their own need of God’s forgiveness and grace.
Life Coach dads teach generosity of spirit by giving themselves, their time, and their resources to others and to the Lord. They do not hold grudges, refuse to seek first place, and quickly forgive as they know they are forgiven.
Just about anyone can become a biological father. It takes courage, endurance, wisdom, and the daily help of the Holy Spirit to become a real Dad.
I am now in the stage of life where I stand aside, an occasional advisor to my own children whose successes have exceeded my own! I did not do it all exactly right in years past, but by the grace of God they arrived at adulthood intact and now are productive members of their own communities. All in all, I breathe a prayer of gratitude – “Thank You, Lord, for being faithful to me, to them.”
A word from the Word says – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” (Ephesians 6) And from Hebrews – “Our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” (12)
Happy Father's Day.
