Try to imagine a world filled with people who were just like you! You're laughing, right? While you and I may be very good at some things, we are not complete in ourselves. Well, I certainly hope that you realize that fact is true. Some of us are warm, friendly, and team-builders. Others of us are calculating, risk-takers, driving towards getting the job done. Some of us keep the organization functioning with our dedication to paying the bills and keeping the systems intact. Others can't plan a day in advance but we make people feel so valuable because we really love them.
Studying personality types is interesting. Since ancient times wise people have realized that their colleagues often think differently about the same situations in life, and not because of a lack of intelligence or skills. We are simply different in the way that God has wired us! There are many ways to label the various personalities. Gary Smalley uses animal names to describe our predominant personality type. He observes that some of us are Lions- those self-reliant leaders who set goals and love to 'get the job done.' Others are Otters -social creatures who enjoy being influential, surrounded by many friends. And some are Golden Retrievers -very loving, resistant to change, and steady at the job. Then, he says that some are Beavers - who work hard, maintain tradition, and make sure everybody is keeping the rules.
There are other systems that help us to understand ourselves and those around us. Very likely, if you work for a large corporation, your human resources department has used one of the many tools available to help you to understand your way of relating to the world and organizing your life. The point is that we are different. There is no 'right' personality type, nor should we use our temperament as an excuse for sin. For example, I am predominantly a lion (using Smalley's description). Along with the strengths that come with being a goal-oriented leader-type, I have a tendency to be insensitive (hey, I heard that 'amen.') and to use people in pursuit of the mission. I could just say, "That's who I am, deal with it." Or, knowing those weaknesses, I can wisely watch the way I interact.
An ancient maxim, revered by the ancient Greeks, and often attributed to Socrates says - "Know thyself!" What a wondrous thing it is to become self-aware, to begin to understand the impulses and prejudices that reside in our hearts and minds. You might be ready to raise the objection that we are incapable of really knowing ourselves, that we are mired in sin to such an extent that we cannot begin to discern the content of our inner person. Perhaps that is true before one comes to Christ, but after we are converted and filled with the Holy Spirit, we have a Teacher, who reveals the secrets to us! Yes, it's true! We don't have to hide the ugly stuff from ourselves. We don't have to pretend or live in ignorance.
In the book of Hebrews, we read this passage - which could be terrifying. "For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done." (Hebrews 4:12-13, NLT) Were it not for the assurance that immediately follows that passage, I would be terrified by the project of being laid open, left vulnerable, by the work of God.
But here is what comes next - "That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it." (Hebrews 4:14-16, NLT)
God lays us open, reveals our secrets, and then gives us His merciful grace. His gift is forgiveness, first, and then, transformation. No, it isn't very likely that God will change your basic personality type. After all, He originally made you who you are! What He'll do, if you will cooperate with Him, is make you Christ-like, holy and useful to His purposes. Friend, I believe that unity within the Church will result when we ask Him to help us to understand ourselves and others. When we let the Spirit teach us our strengths and help us with our weaknesses; when we let Him teach us how we can best relate to others, valuing them precisely because they are different, unbelievable things will happen in the work of God.
Here's my prayer for you today - "May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!" (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24, The Message)
Friday, March 24, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Not him, not again!
There are times when I wish it were possible to peel back the multiple layers of another's thought process so I could see what is really going on in his brain!
What causes us to dislike another person?
Why do we take a position on some point and refuse to budge, no matter what the facts are?
How can two people look at the same situation and reach completely different and opposing conclusions?
When those kinds of conflicts arise, too often the impulse is to separate ourselves or to go to battle. I admit that there are times when I have to deal with a person who frustrates every my attempt at reasonable dialogue and I think - "Not him, not again!" There is a part of me that just wants to be done with it, to write off the relationship as irreconcilable and/or irreparable. My response is not unique to me! It's not only happening in so-called 'casual' friendships. Even long-standing marriages dissolve over what the law terms, "irreconcilable differences." Yes, even Christians who are to be first and foremost characterized by love for one another, find themselves at odds and just go their separate ways leaving the issue unresolved, festering like an infected wound.
A friend wrote to me today about a minor conflict that is swirling around me (yes, friend, these TFTD's are written by a real man who is working out the implications of his Christianity in real life!) and he urged me to be 'in the bridge-building business.' I appreciate his counsel, offered as it is in concern and love. Pushed by opposition of a tiny minority, I am tempted to take the road to what looks like an easy response to these critics, "This is the way it is. Accept it, get over it, and get with the program! If you can't or you won't, there's the door. See ya!" But, there is no honor for God in those words, no recognition that even critics are part of the Body of Christ.
The Bible urges us to a new way of dealing with the difficult people in life. Nowhere does God's word tell us that we should expect to live without conflict! But He does teach us that we must approach conflict differently. Take a look - "I beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace. We are all one body, we have the same Spirit, and we have all been called to the same glorious future." (Ephesians 4:1-4, NLT) What a practical passage, but full of challenging concepts: humility, gentleness, patience, tolerance!
How do these traits become part of our response in place of the more natural anger and power responses? Only by the inner workings of the Holy Spirit! We can only grit our teeth and hold back our frustration for so long on our own. Sooner or later, we will pushed beyond our limits and explode unless Someone greater than ourselves lives in us. God calls us to die! to self. In those situations like I've described above, it is our privilege to take it to the Lord in prayer - not necessarily to gain the power to prevail - but to lay ourselves down before Him. When we 'give up and give in' to Him, the Spirit comes with new life, new love, new peace.
So, I'm going to be a bridge-builder - with God's help! How about you?
__________________________
I found this appropriate to my life today. Perhaps you will, too.
The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001
What causes us to dislike another person?
Why do we take a position on some point and refuse to budge, no matter what the facts are?
How can two people look at the same situation and reach completely different and opposing conclusions?
When those kinds of conflicts arise, too often the impulse is to separate ourselves or to go to battle. I admit that there are times when I have to deal with a person who frustrates every my attempt at reasonable dialogue and I think - "Not him, not again!" There is a part of me that just wants to be done with it, to write off the relationship as irreconcilable and/or irreparable. My response is not unique to me! It's not only happening in so-called 'casual' friendships. Even long-standing marriages dissolve over what the law terms, "irreconcilable differences." Yes, even Christians who are to be first and foremost characterized by love for one another, find themselves at odds and just go their separate ways leaving the issue unresolved, festering like an infected wound.
A friend wrote to me today about a minor conflict that is swirling around me (yes, friend, these TFTD's are written by a real man who is working out the implications of his Christianity in real life!) and he urged me to be 'in the bridge-building business.' I appreciate his counsel, offered as it is in concern and love. Pushed by opposition of a tiny minority, I am tempted to take the road to what looks like an easy response to these critics, "This is the way it is. Accept it, get over it, and get with the program! If you can't or you won't, there's the door. See ya!" But, there is no honor for God in those words, no recognition that even critics are part of the Body of Christ.
The Bible urges us to a new way of dealing with the difficult people in life. Nowhere does God's word tell us that we should expect to live without conflict! But He does teach us that we must approach conflict differently. Take a look - "I beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace. We are all one body, we have the same Spirit, and we have all been called to the same glorious future." (Ephesians 4:1-4, NLT) What a practical passage, but full of challenging concepts: humility, gentleness, patience, tolerance!
How do these traits become part of our response in place of the more natural anger and power responses? Only by the inner workings of the Holy Spirit! We can only grit our teeth and hold back our frustration for so long on our own. Sooner or later, we will pushed beyond our limits and explode unless Someone greater than ourselves lives in us. God calls us to die! to self. In those situations like I've described above, it is our privilege to take it to the Lord in prayer - not necessarily to gain the power to prevail - but to lay ourselves down before Him. When we 'give up and give in' to Him, the Spirit comes with new life, new love, new peace.
So, I'm going to be a bridge-builder - with God's help! How about you?
__________________________
I found this appropriate to my life today. Perhaps you will, too.
The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Lost and Found
Lost - I really don't like that word - except when it is used about excess pounds. The only thing I'd like to lose is about 15 lbs!
When I was a student pilot on one of my early solo flights, crosswinds blew me off the course that my instructor had plotted for me. Because I was a young rookie, I was far from the intended flight path before I even realized what was happening! When the features on the ground didn't match the map at all I said, "I'm lost!" With the help the radios onboard I was able to figure out where I was and plot a new course back to my home airport. Becoming "found" required orientation outside of myself.
A set of keys just 'disappeared' from my possession. I hunted everywhere, in pockets, on my desk... yes, I mean everywhere. Two years later, while I was cleaning my car, I pushed the vacuum cleaner's nozzle into the narrow crevice between the seat and the center console and heard a clink. There was that set of keys! They had been inches away from my possession for all that time, but out of sight and therefore, 'lost.'
In Luke's Gospel, chapter 15, Jesus told some stories about lost things and a lost son! He told about a shepherd who went looking for a single lamb that wandered away from the flock. Despite having 99 sheep still in his care, he cared about the one that was lost. When he found the lost sheep, he carried it home and rejoiced with his friends and neighbors that he found the missing lamb. He told of a woman lost a valuable coin. She searched until she found it and then yelled to her neighbors, "Yes! I found it! Hallelujah!"
Then He told the most poignant of the 'lost' stories - the story we call, The Prodigal Son. The young man lost his sense, lost his way, lost his fortune, and lost his love for family! He was in terrible shape, to all appearance beyond hope. But there was a Waiting Father whose love remained strong, and the memory of the Father's house pulled at the heart of the lost son until he said, "I will go home to my father!"
I cannot read the next part of that story without feeling strong emotion - “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him." (Luke 15:20, NLT) Why does that move me so? Because I, too, once was lost. I had rejected the guidance of God, been blown 'off course' by the winds of life, fallen into a dark place. It is the plight of every living soul! The Enemy of God and good whispers the Lie to lost ones - "God does not care for you. He's abandoned the search. You're abandoned, alone - and you're so lost, you can never go home!" Don't believe it! The Waiting Father and the Searching Spirit are looking for the lost. The love of heaven beckons us to turn toward home and guides us back to the Way. The only thing we must do is obey the call!
Believer, have you wandered or wavered? Maybe worse than that, you have willfully chosen to break away from the way you know God has for you? "Go home today!" Tell Him you're sorry, own the failure without excuse and He'll embrace you again.
Friend, maybe you're reading this from a place of loneliness or even despair, feeling very lost! You don't have to live that way. Invite the Holy Spirit to speak to you, to guide you home, and let God love you to wholeness.
Here's a word from the Word - Read it prayerfully, carefully; and rejoice in the wonder of the amazing grace that found you!
"It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin.
You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live.
You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience.
We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us.
Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us.
He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us!" (Ephesians 2:1-5, The Message) ____________________
When I was a student pilot on one of my early solo flights, crosswinds blew me off the course that my instructor had plotted for me. Because I was a young rookie, I was far from the intended flight path before I even realized what was happening! When the features on the ground didn't match the map at all I said, "I'm lost!" With the help the radios onboard I was able to figure out where I was and plot a new course back to my home airport. Becoming "found" required orientation outside of myself.
A set of keys just 'disappeared' from my possession. I hunted everywhere, in pockets, on my desk... yes, I mean everywhere. Two years later, while I was cleaning my car, I pushed the vacuum cleaner's nozzle into the narrow crevice between the seat and the center console and heard a clink. There was that set of keys! They had been inches away from my possession for all that time, but out of sight and therefore, 'lost.'
In Luke's Gospel, chapter 15, Jesus told some stories about lost things and a lost son! He told about a shepherd who went looking for a single lamb that wandered away from the flock. Despite having 99 sheep still in his care, he cared about the one that was lost. When he found the lost sheep, he carried it home and rejoiced with his friends and neighbors that he found the missing lamb. He told of a woman lost a valuable coin. She searched until she found it and then yelled to her neighbors, "Yes! I found it! Hallelujah!"
Then He told the most poignant of the 'lost' stories - the story we call, The Prodigal Son. The young man lost his sense, lost his way, lost his fortune, and lost his love for family! He was in terrible shape, to all appearance beyond hope. But there was a Waiting Father whose love remained strong, and the memory of the Father's house pulled at the heart of the lost son until he said, "I will go home to my father!"
I cannot read the next part of that story without feeling strong emotion - “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him." (Luke 15:20, NLT) Why does that move me so? Because I, too, once was lost. I had rejected the guidance of God, been blown 'off course' by the winds of life, fallen into a dark place. It is the plight of every living soul! The Enemy of God and good whispers the Lie to lost ones - "God does not care for you. He's abandoned the search. You're abandoned, alone - and you're so lost, you can never go home!" Don't believe it! The Waiting Father and the Searching Spirit are looking for the lost. The love of heaven beckons us to turn toward home and guides us back to the Way. The only thing we must do is obey the call!
Believer, have you wandered or wavered? Maybe worse than that, you have willfully chosen to break away from the way you know God has for you? "Go home today!" Tell Him you're sorry, own the failure without excuse and He'll embrace you again.
Friend, maybe you're reading this from a place of loneliness or even despair, feeling very lost! You don't have to live that way. Invite the Holy Spirit to speak to you, to guide you home, and let God love you to wholeness.
Here's a word from the Word - Read it prayerfully, carefully; and rejoice in the wonder of the amazing grace that found you!
"It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin.
You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live.
You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience.
We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us.
Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us.
He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us!" (Ephesians 2:1-5, The Message) ____________________
Monday, March 20, 2006
Crash! What then?
A few years ago, I was driving home from the hospital. I saw the left turn signal flashing on the car that was ahead of me. I took note that it was stopping, and decided to go around it on the right shoulder of the highway. Then, there was an impact; a loud crashing sound, and I realized I had misjudged the distance and struck the car! I was stunned for a moment, left reeling and wondering- 'what happened?' In moments as I assessed the damage, I realized it was my fault! There was no denying that I had allowed my attention to wander and that my car had hit the car that was turning in front of me. Thankfully, no one was injured but the crash cost me (and my insurance company) dearly.
Sometimes human relationships crash, too. It could be that we just don't pay attention to how we're living until - CRASH! - we find that ourselves in the middle of a broken mess. I've counseled with many spouses who were cruising down life's highway, only to hear the wreckage of their broken marriage crashing around them. It could be that someone zooms into our life bringing all their pain and dysfunction, colliding head-on with us. Years ago, a man I'll call Sam came to the church where I was serving as Pastor. He appeared to be a broken man, hurting and wounded, so we opened up our hearts to his family and to him. What a mistake! Sam was a vicious and selfish man who abused others and who despised authority of every kind. (Classically, he had been raised by an rigidly authoritarian father who he hated!) He crashed head-on into me as the Pastor and did his best for several months to destroy that church under the guise of super-spirituality.
What do we do after the crash? That is a question that I've asked myself hundreds of times.
Some just 'walk away.' When the sound of conflict crashes over them, they run - leaving the scene of the accident. What a tragic response. Our traffic laws make it an offense to drive away from an accident regardless of whether you caused it or not! We are required to stick around for the paperwork! Conflicts and crashes are inevitable as we live. If we are mature, when we find ourselves in a conflict we'll stick around to help clean up the mess, to work for reconciliation, to try to help those who are hurting. A person who just walks away from a crash in life takes the pain with her. The next time, and there will be a 'next time' everytime, there is a crash she will have to deal with pain piled on top of pain.
Some start pointing the finger of blame. "It's not my fault. I didn't do anything." Maybe that's true, maybe it isn't. Blame really isn't the issue. Most of the time a failed human relationship results from many factors involving all parties in the crash! Even when we have minimal responsibility for a crash in relationships, Jesus asks us to take on the responsibility for attempts at restoration and reconciliation. That's tough to do!
Some decide to withdraw from life. When we're disappointed and/or injured by a crashing relationship, there is a temptation to say, 'I'll never trust someone in that position again.' When a person is hurt terribly by a divorce, they may determine never to let love in again. When a person goes through a church fight, he may abandon church all together, which is real loss for all concerned. As tempting as it may be to withdraw into the imagined safety of our own little world, we rob ourselves of God's best when we do. Instead we must secure ourselves in His love, and try again at life and love!
Here's are words from the Word. Meditate on them today.
“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family." - Matthew 5:9 (You might know it better in these words, "blessed are the peacemakers.") The Message
"Try to live in peace with everyone, and seek to live a clean and holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you will miss out on the special favor of God. Watch out that no bitter root of unbelief rises up among you, for whenever it springs up, many are corrupted by its poison." - Hebrews 12:14-15 NLT
Are you hearing sounds of a crash?
Don't run, blame, or withdraw! Ask God to help you to stay steady, to help those who are hurt, to become a part of a resolution. It's hard work, but there are rich rewards - both for you and for others- when you make peace and reconciliation a priority.
Sometimes human relationships crash, too. It could be that we just don't pay attention to how we're living until - CRASH! - we find that ourselves in the middle of a broken mess. I've counseled with many spouses who were cruising down life's highway, only to hear the wreckage of their broken marriage crashing around them. It could be that someone zooms into our life bringing all their pain and dysfunction, colliding head-on with us. Years ago, a man I'll call Sam came to the church where I was serving as Pastor. He appeared to be a broken man, hurting and wounded, so we opened up our hearts to his family and to him. What a mistake! Sam was a vicious and selfish man who abused others and who despised authority of every kind. (Classically, he had been raised by an rigidly authoritarian father who he hated!) He crashed head-on into me as the Pastor and did his best for several months to destroy that church under the guise of super-spirituality.
What do we do after the crash? That is a question that I've asked myself hundreds of times.
Some just 'walk away.' When the sound of conflict crashes over them, they run - leaving the scene of the accident. What a tragic response. Our traffic laws make it an offense to drive away from an accident regardless of whether you caused it or not! We are required to stick around for the paperwork! Conflicts and crashes are inevitable as we live. If we are mature, when we find ourselves in a conflict we'll stick around to help clean up the mess, to work for reconciliation, to try to help those who are hurting. A person who just walks away from a crash in life takes the pain with her. The next time, and there will be a 'next time' everytime, there is a crash she will have to deal with pain piled on top of pain.
Some start pointing the finger of blame. "It's not my fault. I didn't do anything." Maybe that's true, maybe it isn't. Blame really isn't the issue. Most of the time a failed human relationship results from many factors involving all parties in the crash! Even when we have minimal responsibility for a crash in relationships, Jesus asks us to take on the responsibility for attempts at restoration and reconciliation. That's tough to do!
Some decide to withdraw from life. When we're disappointed and/or injured by a crashing relationship, there is a temptation to say, 'I'll never trust someone in that position again.' When a person is hurt terribly by a divorce, they may determine never to let love in again. When a person goes through a church fight, he may abandon church all together, which is real loss for all concerned. As tempting as it may be to withdraw into the imagined safety of our own little world, we rob ourselves of God's best when we do. Instead we must secure ourselves in His love, and try again at life and love!
Here's are words from the Word. Meditate on them today.
“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family." - Matthew 5:9 (You might know it better in these words, "blessed are the peacemakers.") The Message
"Try to live in peace with everyone, and seek to live a clean and holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you will miss out on the special favor of God. Watch out that no bitter root of unbelief rises up among you, for whenever it springs up, many are corrupted by its poison." - Hebrews 12:14-15 NLT
Are you hearing sounds of a crash?
Don't run, blame, or withdraw! Ask God to help you to stay steady, to help those who are hurt, to become a part of a resolution. It's hard work, but there are rich rewards - both for you and for others- when you make peace and reconciliation a priority.
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