Musing a Month After . ..

A month has now passed since Bev stepped over the threshold of time. “How are you?” loving friends ask me. There is no simple answer. Sorrow greets me anew each morning. Memories ambush me constantly; a smell, a sound, a little object, an email … and tears come. But, there are ‘normal’ days, too.  I am enjoying the company of friends, sleeping well, and keeping up my day to day responsibilities. 

Prayer is still difficult, often nothing more than murmured Psalms or simple one-line child-like petitions on behalf of others. My heart is often a stormy thing with emotions refusing to observe boundaries that make them manageable.  I find myself fussing over details, inordinately concerned with keeping things arranged. Anger is always simmering, too.  I grow quickly irritated, am more easily frustrated than usual.  Yes, I am grieving.

Some people, especially those who do not know me well, are obviously ill at ease, uncertain about what to say or how to treat me. They say nice things and sometimes offer hugs, but I know they are struggling. I just want to say, “Relax, I’m struggling, too. Half of me died a few days ago! I have no idea what normal is anymore either.”  A few try too hard and say things that I would rather not hear again.  “Well, at least she is not suffering.” True. Or, “She’s at peace.” Again, true, but I’m not!  What I really need is empathy, people to just understand and say, “I know it’s hard. I care.” 

This kind of loss shines a bright light on life. There is a kind of clarity of mind and heart that is almost too much to bear.

Let me share a couple of things I know better now.

I feel the brevity of life.  I do not want to waste a day in foolish things. The idea of ‘killing time’ makes me angry now.  Solomon says, "Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” … Yes, remember your Creator now while you are young, before the silver cord of life snaps and the golden bowl is broken. Don’t wait until the water jar is smashed at the spring and the pulley is broken at the well. For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it." … "That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad." (Ecclesiastes 12:1, 6-7, 13-14, NLT)

I enjoy the company of others, valuing the shared journey more.  Some joke that I have become something of a ‘social butterfly’ these days. And, it is true that I cannot endure long times of solitude, which I once treasured. I suppose there will be a balance as time passes, but I realize, even more than before, the wonderful gift of friendship. Life goes on and hearing children laugh, listening to others carry on the daily chatter, knowing that many pray for me – these things keep me on my feet. Solomon said that "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NIV) I say, Amen!

As much as we try to forget it, death is part of the human experience.  We are so shocked when someone we love dies, as if something novel has occurred. We will all die! Instead of ignoring that fact, we need to let it frame our living days, not with dread, nor with fear, but rather as an encouragement to the best choices, to godliness.  The greatest pain for me, other than feeling loss, are the memories that bring regret, times when I think, “If I had only known about her death, I would have …”  So, LIVE today! Love God. Love others. Say the things that need to be said. Forgive, forget, choose to be wise.

A word from the Word for your thoughts today -  "The length of our days is seventy years— or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away." (Psalm 90:10, NIV) "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12, NIV) “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14, NIV)

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you, for encouraging with notes, for praying for me.  I am a blessed man.

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With eternity's values in view LordWith eternity's values in viewMay I do each day's work for JesusWith eternity's values in view

Alfred B. Smith © 1941. Renewal 1969 New Spring (Admin. by Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc.) CCLI License # 810055

A Severe and Tender Father

Two decades ago, when my children were teenagers, I found it necessary to correct one of them and to take away privileges for a time. In anger, that 17 year-old spat out the words at Bev and me– “Right now, you two are not my favorite people!” It’s a memorable line, one that makes us laugh today.  My response to the anger was “I’m not your friend, I’m your Dad.”  I wanted to be liked by my kids as much as anybody else, but I knew that my parental role required me to courageously risk anger to provide direction and discipline.  

My desire to see them safe and protected from their teenage impulses outweighed my need to be loved and made me willing to endure angry conflict.  I worked to provide consistent, loving, firm leadership for them and I think those 4 wonderful adults appreciate it today, even if they did not understand it then.

Do you realize that your Heavenly Father loves you so much that He is willing to correct and discipline you, even at the risk of your anger and rejection?  Seems to me that many of us miss that point.  Some think of their Father as an indulgent Dad, unaware of their misdeeds, fooled by their words of professed love that are unmatched with sincere devotion Others make an equally wrong assumption, that their Father is a cruel tyrant, bent on making their lives miserable just because He can.  Truth is that He is wise, insightful, with unmatched authority, and full of tender mercy! The Word says, “My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children.” (Hebrews 12:5-7)

I loved my children to such an extent that I would have willingly died for anyone of them. Because of that love when I saw them hurting under discipline, I sometimes secretly wept for them, sad that they had to endure the sting of correction. My discipline was sometimes unjust, my conclusions based on faulty judgments, because I am just a man. But, my goal was not to be ‘right,’ but to be good for them! Even when they were disobedient, it was not my desire to cut them off, but to draw them close, to help them to grow. 

Our Father always loves us and NEVER makes a mistake!  When we feel His rebuke, when He takes us aside for correction, we must trust Him. He is not venting, He is training us. "While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God." (Hebrews 12:10-11, The Message)

The best Christian experience grows out of a balanced view of our Father in Heaven. We need to know His severity is matched by His mercy! A profound respect for Him, proper awe of Who He is, does not make Him distant; it makes Him trustworthy.  Knowing the depth of His love, displayed best at the Cross, makes us want to love Him in return, causing us to run to Him, not away from Him. This passage captures that balance so well.  Yes, He sees all, knows all, is never fooled by hypocrisy, or taken in by half-hearted professions of devotion. At the same time, His arms are wide open to us, even in our worst moments, because He wants to help us get it right.  

Look at these lines carefully -  "The word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”  If that were the whole story, you and I would be hopeless, deserving only His rejection, wouldn’t we?  But, the very next thought reveals more of His nature.  “Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:11-16, NIV)

Know your Father! Love Him! Trust Him! Do not try to become overly familiar with Him! Reverence Him! And, run to Him with child-like trust.

Here is a word from the Word. Revel in the amazing truth. "See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him. Dear friends, we are already God’s children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is. And all who have this eager expectation will keep themselves pure, just as he is pure." (1 John 3:1-3, NLT)

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Good, Good Father  (Chris Tomlin sings)

I've heard a thousand stories

Of what they think You’re like.

But I've heard the tender whisper

Of love in the dead of night.

You tell me that You’re pleased

And that I'm never alone.

I've seen many searching for answers

Far and wide.

But I know we're all searching for answers

Only You provide.

Because You know just what we need

Before we say a word.

You're a Good, Good Father,

It's who You are!

It's who You are!

It's who You are!

And I'm loved by You,

It's who I am!

It's who I am!

It's who I am!

You are perfect in all of Your ways,

You are perfect in all of Your ways,

You are perfect in all of Your ways to us,

Love so undeniable I can hardly speak,

Peace so unexplainable I can hardly think.

As You call me deeper still,

As You call me deeper still,

As You call me deeper still,

Into love, love, love.

Anthony Brown | Pat Barrett

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Adrift and in danger?

When a ship shuts down her engines and waits to dock or rests in harbor, she drops an anchor. Without it, she would be adrift, possibly going aground on the shore or colliding with other ships in the vicinity. The anchor is a vital piece of her equipment!  Unseen and a rather unadmired part of the ship, the anchor provides security and allows the crew to rest.

What anchors you? What keeps you from drifting dangerously when your conscious mind goes on idle, when times come in life when you are not under sail? It is a worthy question! During the last two years, as Bev and I lived with cancer and with a loss of a bright future, as near certain death approached for her, the value of our anchor points in life became ever more obvious to us. The seas of life grew stormy, the shore line of time was near, and rocks could have (and still can) wrecked us, but for the anchors that were in place which kept us from drifting dangerously. What anchored us?

Heaven and the Hope of Eternal Life were, and continue to be for me, primary anchors. Even as I write these words, tears sting my eyes. I miss her terribly and think often of her body lying in that little plot of earth just a couple of miles from my house.  I do not mean to imply that somehow having Heaven in our hearts erased every sorrow. But, we were not self-destructive. We did not turn on each other, on others, or on our Lord in our distress. Instead we rode out the storm (and I am still riding the waves!) secured by this Word:  "God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls." (Hebrews 6:18-19, NLT)   

The concept of Heaven that sustains me is little related to the ideas that float through our contemporary culture.  I am kept by the knowledge that she is held in the grip of an Almighty Father who loves her deeply, that she is fully who He created her to be, that she is beyond the reach of sin’s curse, home!  When the tempests of grief blow hard, that anchor digs deep into the Word’s promise and it holds.

Love, for the Lord and others, is an anchor that is strong. When I am tempted I ask myself, “Is this choice consistent with a life of love?  Would this act or word honor the Lord you love or be loving towards those He loves?”  Before you think I am a little too quick to polish my own halo, I will hasten to add that perfection is not yet in my grasp!  But, I am anchored by love and oh so thankful for it. I have no desire to use people for my own pleasure.  My life is enriched by love that is focused outside of myself. In the days since she died, more times than I care to admit, the anchor of the two loves has tethered my restless soul, keeping me from short-sighted and regrettable actions.   

What passes for ‘love’ in our culture is such an impoverished notion!  The love that keeps us from drifting into destruction is a bold one, much more than an emotion, much stronger than a sexual attraction.  It is a love that is shaped in daily choices, that makes God and others first, that seeks the highest and best. The Word speaks of being "rooted and established in love (so that you) may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:17-19, NIV)  Anchor your life in Love.

Christ is the Anchor!  We say that He anchors us, but are we sincere, speaking from head and heart? Is He your Life?  To know Him as our anchor, there is a great cost, or should we say, investment? "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." (Colossians 3:3-4, NIV)  We must die to Self, lose our life voluntarily, letting Him envelope us with Divine Life here and now.  Then, He secures us like an anchor.  We know that when we pass from this world to the next that He will release us into a greater beauty than we could imagine presently. The only comparison remotely applicable is that of the caterpillar that disappears into a cocoon and emerges a butterfly! I am secured in Him, hopeful of the beauty to be revealed in me at His coming. Are you?

Put your faith in Him. Anchor yourself in Heaven, Love, and Christ Jesus. These choices will keep you from drifting into destruction or from colliding with others in ways that harm. Here is a word from the Word. Own it!  “We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away." (Hebrews 2:1, NIV)

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The Haven Of Rest

My soul in sad exile

Was out on life's sea;

So burdened with sin

And distressed.

‘Till I heard

A sweet voice saying,

“Make Me your choice.”

And I entered

The haven of Rest.

I yielded myself

To His tender embrace

And faith taking hold

Of the Word,

My fetters fell off

And I anchored my soul in

The haven of Rest

Is the Lord.

I've anchored my soul

In the haven of Rest

I'll sail the wide seas no more!

The tempest may sweep

O'er the wild stormy deep

In Jesus, I'm safe evermore.

George D. Moore | Henry Lake Gilmour

© Words: Public Domain