Dealing with Missed Expectations

 

Who hasn’t been disappointed by another person’s choices?  I was talking about the state of American politics with a friend yesterday who cynically (and honestly) said, “I don’t think there is a single politician who isn’t corrupt!”  Yes, that’s an overstatement, but it reveals a common thread of disappointment in our ‘leaders’ who seem too often to serve self-interest and those with deep pockets.  In my own profession recent years have brought one preacher scandal after another, seriously eroding trust in pastors as a whole.  Then, there is a biggest issue – when the circumstances in which we find ourselves are completely at odds with what we expected.   

Robert Burns, the Scottish poet, wrote To A Mouse, a poem that expressed his regret at ruining her nest with his plow.  Included are these memorable lines:

The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
          Gang aft agley,  (go oft awry)
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
          For promis’d joy!

When cancer took my wife 7 years ago, I dealt with the grief of losing my life partner as well as the death of so many dreams and hopes for our future together.  Working at acceptance of ‘what is’ rather than ‘what I hoped might be’ was a long process, a necessary work to find peace again.

What choices can we make in life when missed expectations come our way so that we will live in ways that are healthy and that please God?

1. As I mentioned a moment ago, we must learn to accept life as it is, even as we refuse to resign from hope!

It is a kind of childishness and naivete to imagine that life will always work out as planned, that people will always be good, that disease will never come our way, that even those we love will always fit into our plans or act in ways that are consistent with our values. A measure of our maturity is the ability to deal with people as they are, discerning the good and the bad in others and in ourselves, and acting appropriately. 

For example, I am very aware that parts of me are capable of sin. I don't deny it or excuse it. That acceptance does not mean that I indulge temptation.  Living in the truth causes me to rely on the Spirit, to regularly seek His course corrections for my life.  In a similar way, accepting the reality that others are imperfect and may well fail-  causes me to pray for the genuine love of God to overcome my natural resentment.

2. We must reject bitterness.  

The Bible says we risk allowing a "...root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled. (corrupted) " [Hebrews 12:15 (NKJV)] Who does not know a person who has become an angry, bitter, toxic individual as a result of missed expectations?  In our hard times we have a choice – Faith that trusts God to heal us in our brokenness; or bitterness that turns us sour and hard-hearted!  Remember Jesus’ promise - "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4, NIV)  Let yourself feel the pain of brokenness and let God become your Hope and Healer.

3. Forgiveness is part of God's answer to disappointment.

Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Matthew 18:21 (NKJV) Since the Law of Moses only required 3 instances of forgiveness thought he was being big-hearted to offer to forgive seven times! Jesus’ reply shocked the disciples:  “Seven? Hardly. Try seventy times seven."  The challenge is to give up our self-importance, to be willing to extend mercy, and to understand the meaning of real forgiveness.

Does this mean we sweep away the other person's offense as though their harm to us is without importance?

Are we required to attempt to forget the deep wounds caused by the sins of others?

Do I just look at my own sins that disappoint me and shrug, "I'm human"?

Those responses are not at all like the forgiveness we are taught by Jesus. He purchased our forgiveness at great expense to Himself. He gave us the gift of restoration to God.  We take the pain to ourselves even as we make the choice to to hand over the disappointment to God releasing the debt we feel is owed to us to Him. "Impossible," you say. No, friend, it isn't. Hard, yes - impossible, no.

4. Keep hope in the promise of eternity!

The ‘game’ is not over today or even in a decade. We are eternal beings, saved by God and brought into His purposes that extend beyond the margins of time. Sometimes the only way I can manage missed expectations is to pray for eyes of faith that hold onto the great moment when all things are made right, when sin is defeated, when God’s will is finished in me in His glorious Heaven. Oh, how I look forward to that day when disappointment is wiped away. Won't it be a great day?  Yes, I pray often "May Your Kingdom come, Your will be done - on earth, as it is in Heaven!"  Those words inspire such hope in me.

Here is a word from the Word. Review it often, keeping these promises at hand and you will be able to deal with those missed expectations.

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, everything on earth was subjected to God’s curse. All creation anticipates the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay." (Romans 8:18-21, NLT)

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don’t even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:26-28, NLT)

(Video of this blog at this link)

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The Solid Rock

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' name

On Christ the solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

When darkness veils His lovely face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In ev'ry high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil

His oath His covenant His blood
Support me in the whelming flood
When all around my soul gives way
He then is all my hope and stay

When He shall come with trumpet sound
O may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone
Faultless to stand before the throne

Edward Mote | William Batchelder Bradbury

© Words: Public Domain

 

A key to true success

Friend – the word has been defined in the last decade by the explosion of social media.  My Facebook™ account says that I have about 1800 ‘friends.’  Many of those are just acquaintances, people whose names I know. Are they really ‘friends’ however?  Only a few dozen are people that I could call in a crisis or with whom I share my life which is closer to how I would define real friendship. 

How thankful I am for real friends. Who am I today is the result of connections with so many throughout the years. Some were part of my life for a season, others for a lifetime. Some are close to me personally, others are part of ministry. My prayer is that I am contributing to the lives of others as richly as so many have contributed to mine.

There is a friendship recorded in the Bible that moves my emotions when I read about it. It is the record of David and Jonathan. Most know nothing of Jonathan but David’s exploits are famous. He was the shepherd boy whose encounter with Goliath, the Philistine champion, made him famous in ancient Israel. He moved into King Saul’s residence to play his harp and sing to soothe the king but also continued to gain fame as a military leader of skill.   

As David’s fame grew so so did the jealousy of King Saul and it drove him mad – literally!  Enter Jonathan, the crown prince of Israel.  Without Jonathan, David may not have survived. This young man, though he knew David would likely take his place as king, was a true friend. "After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond of love between them, and they became the best of friends." (1 Samuel 18:1, NLT)  

When Saul grew increasingly irrational, he spoke of killing David.  Jonathan, though he had much to gain by David’s death, risked his father’s wrath by telling David about the plot. "Saul now urged his servants and his son Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan, because of his close friendship with David, told him what his father was planning. “Tomorrow morning,” he warned him, “you must find a hiding place out in the fields. I’ll ask my father to go out there with me, and I’ll talk to him about you. Then I’ll tell you everything I can find out.” (1 Samuel 19:1-3, NLT)   

The prince confronted the king to make an impassioned defense of David. “Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly. He took his life in his hands when he killed the Philistine. The Lord won a great victory for all Israel, and you saw it and were glad. Why then would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?” (1 Samuel 19:4-5, NIV)

When the Philistines killed Saul and Jonathan in battle, David’s response was largely because of his love for Jonathan. "Then David composed a funeral song for Saul and Jonathan. … "Your pride and joy, O Israel, lies dead on the hills! How the mighty heroes have fallen! … How beloved and gracious were Saul and Jonathan! They were together in life and in death. They were swifter than eagles; they were stronger than lions." (2 Samuel 1:23, NLT) His connection to Jonathan, even in death, went beyond words.  In a time when the family of a previous dynasty were generally killed to prevent conspiracies and rebellions, David took in Jonathan’s surviving relatives and cared for them like his own family!

There is a little phrase tucked into one of Paul’s letters that captures my attention. He addresses a friend in Philippi, asking him to help two women in the church there to get along. This anonymous person is simply called “loyal yokefellow.” He was a friend on whom Paul could rely, a person of loyalty, one who shared the weight of the burden of ministry.  I hope there are those who would refer to me as a loyal yokefellow!

Are you a “Jonathan” to someone, caring and loving,
even at cost to yourself?

Do you have a “Jonathan” in your life,
someone who has your best interest always in mind?

Are you an opportunistic friend, only befriending those
who can bring some benefit to you in the moment?

Are you a loyal friend
who speaks up in defense of another when gossip arises?

Are you a friend for all times,
equally faithful when your friend is up or down?

Solomon cynically declares what we all know, "Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man’s friend deserts him." (Proverbs 19:4, NIV) What a contrast to the true friendship we are blessed to give and to find. A true friend "loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17, NIV)

There’s a Jonathan for you! Finding that friend requires risk, openness, and giving friendship.
And never forget the most loyal, true Friend – Jesus Christ! He knows you best and loves you most. Anchor your heart in that love. Be secure in Him and it will make you a better friend to others.

The word from the Word come from the book of Ecclesiastes, the “Preacher.”  May they inspire us to seek friends and to be a true friend.

"Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. And on a cold night, two under the same blanket can gain warmth from each other. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NLT)

(Video of this blog at this link)

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Friends

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show

No a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

 

Deborah D. Smith | Michael W. Smith

© 1982 Meadowgreen Music Company (Admin. by Capitol CMG Publishing)

CCLI License # 810055

 

Life is an Adventure

 

The dictionary defines the word ‘adventure’ this way: “an undertaking involving unknown risks, an exciting or remarkable experience.”  On this Monday morning a new week of adventure begins. Despite our best plans, we do not know what Friday will bring us, whether we will look back over the days with pleasure or sorrow, do we?  My preference is predictable, controlled. Feeling ‘out of control’ is one of the most stressful things in life for me.  Chaotic situations call a response from me to impose order or if that is not possible, to escape at the earliest opportunity.  

 The God I serve does not submit Himself to my rules, my expectations, or my controls.
He invites us to live the adventure that is His will.
Who can fully explain why God does what He does?

Joseph is one of my favorite OT characters. His life was full of adventure, not all of it enjoyable, but in it all God was accomplishing HIS purposes. As mysterious as it may appear to us, God even used the sins of others to accomplish His plan. He used scheming, jealous brothers to get Joseph from the sheep fields to Egypt. He used a wife looking for an affair to take Joseph from Potiphar's comfortable house to the Pharaoh's palace! Wasn't there another way, a less painful route for Joseph to become the one who would save his people?  Apparently not!

Let me be clear. God does not make anyone sin or do evil. James assures us that "God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone." (James 1:13, NIV) But, the mystery of faith includes acceptance of the fact that where evil rises up, our God is capable of using it to His purposes.

This mystery is at the heart of the story of the Cross of Christ! An ugly method of torture, used by the Romans to impose order through terror on their far-flung empire, became the means that God used to offer up Himself for our sins. He allowed Himself to become the object of sinful, cruel, scheming, selfish people and from all that came something too wonderful for words. Evil men crucified Christ and, as they spilled His blood on the earth, love and life blossomed. Rational? Not really! It is revealed Truth, accepted by faith.

Now, I must say that in this adventure called ‘life,’ we must not be passive, must not let ourselves drift along on the currents.  We need not surrender to it all, just trying to make the best of a bad situation. We are invited, by Jesus, to become agents of Heaven, full of the Spirit, people who expend effort to establish His kingdom, to defeat sin, evil, injustice, and cruelty wherever we find these things.  We do this even as we know that He works through suffering to make us more like Himself. Our best response to this adventure of life is to remember this:  "We live by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7, NIV) Does that seem a daunting challenge?

Know this: He does not ask you to muster up such faith on your own.  Paul, whose life was an adventure of apparent failures mixed with success was inspired to tells us that "the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory." (Romans 8:26-30, NLT)

The following words were scratched into a wall of the Warsaw Ghetto by an unknown Jew during the Second World War. Death was all around. The face of God was obscured by terrible darkness. But, faith was there too. Take a look.

"I believe in the sun, even if it does not shine.
I believe in love even if I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even if I do not see Him."

Ask God this day for faith to walk the adventure that is life, without fear, boldly trusting Him to lead the way. Here's a word from the Word.
"What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see. … So, you see, it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that there is a God and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him. …  It was by faith that Moses, when he grew up, refused to be treated as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to share the oppression of God’s people instead of enjoying the fleeting pleasures of sin. He thought it was better to suffer for the sake of the Messiah than to own the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking ahead to the great reward that God would give him." (Hebrews 11:24-26, NLT)

Let’s take on the adventure confident in the reward for the faith-filled!  Have a great day!

(Video of this blog at this link)

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All The Way My Savior Leads Me

All the way my Savior leads me
What have I to ask beside
Can I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my Guide
Heav'nly peace divinest comfort
Here by faith in Him to dwell
For I know whate'er befall me
Jesus doeth all things well
For I know whate'er befall me
Jesus doeth all things well

 

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for ev'ry trial
Feeds me with the living bread
Though my weary steps may falter
And my soul athirst may be
Gushing from the Rock before me
Lo a spring of joy I see
Gushing from the Rock before me
Lo a spring of joy I see

 

All the way my Savior leads me
O the fullness of His love
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father's house above
When my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way

 

Fanny Jane Crosby

© Words: Public Domain