One of the most powerful emotional toxins common to the human experience is shame – feelings of worthlessness that create a desire to hide our true selves. “If they really knew me, they would hate me.” is the conclusion comes from carrying shame. Shame can flow from within ourselves if we think we are unattractive, too thin, too fat, or that we lack intelligence. It can grow in us if we are ‘shamed’ by someone else. If we grow up in a home where we are told, “You are not worth the food I provide for you,” or “You will never amount to anything of worth,” shame finds fertile soil in which to grow.
Shame may result from some poor choices, things we did even though we knew they were wrong. Unable to find forgiveness or to allow ourselves to accept it, we begin to carry around an awful weight of feelings of unworthiness.
Shame is different from guilt. Guilt over real sins and wrongs will serve us, motivating us to seek change, to make things right. (There is false guilt, but that’s for another day’s thought.) Shame that tells us “you are a worthless piece of garbage, unloveable, unacceptable to others, will always cause us to engage in self-destructive behaviors. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says “There is something wrong with me.”
The Gospel of Jesus Christ
addresses both Guilt and Shame! The
Bible opens with the story of God and Creation, then it shifts to humanity’s
failure to walk with God in obedient faith.
Listening to the invitation of temptation, Adam and Eve ‘fell,’ choosing
to ignore God’s direction.
The account
gives us deep insight about the human
conditions of guilt and shame. "Then
the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so
they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man
and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in
the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the
garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I
heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
(Genesis 3:7-10, NIV)
With the loss of innocence came self-awareness and shame caused to cover themselves from each other and to hide from God! That is exactly what happens to each one of us when we become aware of ourselves and our actions, capable of knowing that we have not lived up to God’s desire for us and/or able to compare ourselves to others. So what can we do?
The story of the Fall lays the
foundation for the plan of redemption that comes in the grand scope of the
Bible’s revelation of God. We learn that
God does not, like many people, choose to be disgusted with us or to walk away
from us leaving us to struggle alone with our shame while we desperately try to
keep all our fig leaves in place. He
pursues us, loves us, and offers restoration of the life that sin stole
from us.
"But God is so rich in
mercy, and he loved us so very much, that even while we were dead because of
our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead.” (Ephesians 2:4-5, NLT) That is grace – God’s love given, not because
we have done so much good, but because He made us to be loved and, in that
love, to make us good!
We devise all manner of
mechanisms to cope with shame- long work hours, gaining accolades, creating
fancier ‘fig leaves’ with clothing, cars, or homes that we think give us
status, and even religiosity. Some of us
just collapse under the weight of our sense of ‘worthlessness’ and addictions –
sex, drugs, alcohol, perfectionism - become our choice to feel better, even if
for a moment.
The answer for both guilt and shame is salvation! God holds out the offer of forgiveness and restoration to each one of through Jesus Christ. In His love we find a promise of healing. "We all did … what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah. Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish!" (Ephesians 2:3-8, The Message)
Oh, our full discovery of a
whole life and freedom from shame seldom arrives instantly.
With the help of a loving community, we
learn to talk about our true perceptions, admit to our real mistakes, and
realize that we live in a world where sin and failure is not the exception but
the rule! In faith we meditate on God’s
truth of amazing, deep, and persistent love such as the wayward son in the story
told by Jesus found in his father.
When the
son finally went ‘home’ he did not find shame. He found love. “So he returned home
to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him
coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and
kissed him." (Luke 15:20, NLT)
Are you living ashamed, hiding from relationships, avoiding God? You can attempt to excuse yourself or explain away that which creates guilt. You can retreat into shame’s isolation but your conscience will not be easily stilled. Take your guilt to Him. Don’t hide!
Prayerfully, in a quiet
place, let the Spirit find you and open up to Him, with honest confession –
about your confusion, about your guilt, about that shame that makes you feel so
worthless. Then, by faith, accept the grace that makes you new and whole! Discard
the ‘fig leaves’ and put on the robe of Christ’s righteousness (right standing
with God) that He gives to us, freely in Christ Jesus.
Here is a word from the Word. May this Truth find a place to take root and grow in you, replacing guilt with forgiveness and shame with wholeness. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." (John 3:16-17, NIV)
_________
(Video of this
blog at this link)
Does Jesus care when my heart
is pained
Too deeply for mirth and song
As the burdens press and the cares distress
And the way grows weary and long
O yes He cares I know He cares
His heart is touched with my grief
When the days are weary
The long nights dreary
I know my Savior cares
Does Jesus care when I've tried and failed
To resist some temptation strong
When for my deep grief I find no relief
Though my tears flow all the night long
Does Jesus care when I've said goodbye
To the dearest on earth to me
And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks
Is it aught to Him does He see
Frank E. Graeff, Joseph Lincoln Hall
© Public Domain
