Learning to say, "No!"

Tell a toddler firmly, "no!" and watch the tears flow. Is he sad? Probably not, just frustrated. By age 2, self-will has taken root deep in his heart so that he wants to do what he wants! I raised 4 children and I loved being able to say, "yes," to their desires, however, as one charged with looking out for their best interests, from time to time, I had to say, "No." That was fun (not!) when they were 16 and determined to have their way. Living with pouting, sulking, and/or silence isn't very enjoyable. Sometimes I knew they understood the need for a 'no' but they lacked the resolve and/or maturity to make the right decision on their own, so I had to help them say it.

Americans are deeply in debt and a large of percentage of us are overweight. Why? Because we can't say no effectively to ourselves. There are certainly exceptions in both cases, but mostly we are what we are because we consume too much- financially and physically. (Please keep reading.) This has a spiritual effect in our lives. Because we are so accustomed to saying, "yes" to ourselves, because have so confused our true needs with our wants; we have little tolerance for inconvenience or difficulty that often accompanies knowing and doing God's will. In order to please God by saying, "yes" to Him, we will have to learn to say, "no" to our self will and our craving for pleasure. We cannot have it all; choices must be made.

We say, "I can't afford to tithe, to care for the poor, or support world missions. I have no extra money." (Please don't stop reading yet.) Most of the time what that really means is, "I've already committed my finances to my own needs and I won't say, 'No' to myself so I can say, 'Yes' to God." Bev and I learned the joy of tithing when we were poor. We gave God the first 10% of our income from the beginning of our marriage, committing to tithe first, and then to live on what was left. There were times when we wanted a new car, a vacation, or a college fund for the kids that simply was out of reach in our budget. The commitment of a substantial part of income stream to the Lord was a tempting place to do a reallocation, but that option was quickly rejected with "no" because we had already said a prior, "yes" that was inviolable.

We say, "I can't take on responsibility for some work of service or ministry, my schedule is simply too full." Again, that is usually translated, "I've already filled up my leisure time with things I want to do and I won't say 'no' to any of those things so I can use the spiritual gifts I have to glorify God." It's easy to insist that nearly everyday is full, but the people I talk to have time to watch TV, engage in sports activities, etc. There's nothing wrong with either of those things, but IF a Believer says, "I can't serve," and yet has time to watch TV several hours a week or play sports for hours each week, he's simply not being honest with himself about his true priorities. (Please keep reading.)

Modern Christians have mostly discarded a spiritual discipline - Fasting. We say that fasting is too legalistic, too rule-bound, too focused on religious acts. It can be. Like any good discipline, fasting can be turned into a show of 'spirituality' to earn the ooh's and aah's of others. Some people crave this kind of comment- "Look at how thin, he is. He is on day 30 of a 40 day fast. Wow, he's so spiritual." Others think that fasting a day a week proves to God how much they love Him or gives them some kind of leverage in their prayers. "Look, God, I go hungry for a full 24 hours every week, just for you." He doesn't care!

Fasting isn't for others and it's not for God, it's for us. When we fast, we teach ourselves that we won't die because we deprive ourselves of some food, some pleasure, or some creature comfort. Fasting helps us to say 'no' more effectively to ourselves so we are more readily able to say a joyful 'yes' to God! Because fasting a discipline that is primarily for ourselves, Jesus told us to keep it private! He said, “when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, who try to look pale and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I assure you, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will suspect you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in secret. And your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you." (Matthew 6:16-18, NLT) Note, His words were not, "If you fast," but rather, "when you fast." We desperately need this discipline today.

Realize that fasting touches many areas of life beyond food. (Hey, I see you're still reading. Thanks.) We can apply fasting to our entertainment. For example, we can commit to turning off our TV for day a week. We can commit to a week without sugary desserts. We can make a choice not to buy something we can afford, just for the sake of discipline, choosing instead to give that money to God's work. Real maturity is shown in the ability to delay gratification. I knew my children were ready to take on more responsibility for their own choices when I saw them able to make choices that involved a long-term goal. And that maturity gained them new freedom!

IF you and I learn to say 'no' to ourselves, it may look like a terrible thing, but actually we are gaining freedom! A person who has figured out that he will live without that fat treat, is free to live in a more healthy way. A person who has learned to say 'no' to his cravings and lusts, has gained the freedom to embrace the will of God joyfully. Here's a word from the Word to take with you today -- "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ," (Titus 2:11-13, NIV)