Building Bridges?

It started as a difference of opinion, grew into a disagreement, escalated into an argument, and ended in a fight!  No, not all in one day. The ‘thing’ went on for weeks, with days of quiet and moments of engagement. Most puzzling of all is not knowing how to resolve it, or even understanding why it started in the first place. I wish it were possible to peel back the multiple layers of another's thought process so I could see what is really going, don’t you? How can two people look at the same situation and reach completely different and opposing conclusions?

In those situations, the natural impulse is to go to battle. When I have to deal with a person who frustrates every my attempt at reasonable dialogue I pains me to admit that I too often think - "Not again!"  That attitude is a basic failure of love.  When I am willing to write off a relationship as ‘beyond repair’ and to abandon it, I reveal my self-love, that I value my comfort more than that relationship. Whether we are talking about a 'casual' friendships or a long-standing marriage, if we allow conflict to bring about separation, it is really a failure of love. Christians, who are to be first and foremost characterized by love for one another, cannot afford to walk away from each other, leaving issues unresolved. They will sap energy like an infected wound brings fever to the body!

A friend once wrote to me and encouraged me to be 'in the bridge-building business.'  His counsel reflects the demands of God for disciples of Christ. Nowhere does God's Word tell us that we should expect to live without conflict, but it does teach us that we must approach conflict differently. Take a look - "Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace. We are all one body, we have the same Spirit, and we have all been called to the same glorious future." (Ephesians 4:1-4, NLT) What a practical passage, but full of challenging concepts: humility, gentleness, patience, tolerance!

Never under-estimate the power of prayer when working through a conflict, be it in your marriage, at work, with a neighbor, in your family, or in the world! Jesus tells us to "Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." (Luke 6:28, KJV)  The Message says, "When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person."  As I wrote last week, we may be tempted to pray “Get’em God” prayers that reveal our anger. (Vindication)  Yes, we can and we should take our anger and/or frustration to the Lord. However, our prayers need to mature beyond “help them to see how right I am” to “Lord, open my ears and my heart. Help me to listen to You, to the one who is arguing with me. Be our peace.”  

Bridge-builders cannot seek vindication first. They must be committed to reconciliation. That does not mean that we give up on the truth or wave the flag of surrender to purchase peace at any price. We patiently allow the truth to mature, to develop; yes, in us as well as our opponent. Humility is a key. Dying to self means we give up our desire to be comfortable – either by walking off or exercising power to win! to self. In constant prayer, we lay ourselves down before Him. Yes, it is true that when we 'give up and give in' to Him, the Spirit comes with new life, new love, new peace.

Never forget that just as we can ‘wage war,’ we can ‘make peace!’ Here’s a word from the Word. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." (Matthew 5:9, NIV) “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family." (Matthew 5:9, The Message)

So, I'm going to be a bridge-builder - with God's help! How about you?
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I found this appropriate to my life today. Perhaps you will, too.

The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001