Taught that God is good and loving, I developed an expectation that if I gave my life to Him, somehow He would grant me an exemption from the disappointments of life. But I still find myself tempted by ordinary things - greed, doubt, and fear - to name a few. I once thought, unrealistically it seems, that by this season of my life (a Believer for 40 years!) I would rise above the struggle with the sinful nature. I expected that I would wake up every morning with a sense that I am a child of God, with a richly purposeful life! Truth is, as often as not, I swing my feet over the side of the bed and slog my way through a day of hard, often frustrating work. Please do not misunderstand me. I am not whining or complaining that my life is worse than any other. I am amazingly blessed. However, it's not Heaven, yet. Sin and Satan are still powerful foes that wreak havoc in the world in which I live. So, I choose to live in a way that closes the gap between my expectation and my reality with faith. And faith, dear friend, is sometimes very hard work.
The ancient prophet Habbakuk is my companion on this road. He, too, experienced disappointment. The opening words of his book reveal his struggle to keep faith: "How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But you do not listen! “Violence!” I cry, but you do not come to save." (Habakkuk 1:2, NLT) That is one gutsy prayer, isn't it? "Hey, God, what up with this? I thought you would answer my call and it feels like you hung up the phone on me instead." Habbakuk saw the growing threat of the Babylonian Empire and thought God would step in to deliver His people. Instead, God revealed that He would allow that nation to conquer Israel.
What does one do with such a vision? How does one deal with that kind of disappointment? It's what we struggle with when we pray to be healed and God says, "I'll be with you but I won't take away the illness." Or what we must overcome when we pray for release from temptation and instead hear God say, "We'll walk together through the fiery trial." That is what the prophet writes about. Unlike some of the prophets who thunder with certainty about the power of the Lord, Habbakuk gives us a prayerful voice that waits and wonders at God's often inscrutable ways. Ultimately, he comes to the place where he says, "God hang onto me. It's the only hope I have."
I cannot tell you how many times when my faith is stretched thin that I have claimed this prophet's prayer and made it my own desperate plea. If you're in a hard place today, broken hearted, fearful, disappointed, confused - do not let the Enemy of God and good make you believe that you are just weak, or that you are a terrible Christian. Know that testing and temptation is the common experience of those who love Jesus. When we put one foot in eternity while we still live on earth, we invite a certain tension into our lives! We keep hoping when others give up and live small, hopeless lives. We keep working to make the world brighter and better when others settle for 'what is' and accommodate themselves to the emptiness a life with no other purpose than "eat, drink, and be merry!"
Here is a part of Habbakuk's prayer. Read and be encouraged to hope that just when you think you can hang on no longer, God's grasp tightens and you will be carried through the trial, not over it.
"O Lord, I have heard Your speech and was afraid; O Lord, revive Your work in the midst of the years! In the midst of the years make it known; In wrath remember mercy. " (Habakkuk 3:2, NKJV)
"Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills." (Habakkuk 3:17-19, NKJV)
That, my friend, is the stuff of faith! "Whatever comes, whatever my disappointment - Lord God, I will keep on trusting You."
And the result is that He becomes our strength and makes us sure-footed in treacherous territory.
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Hold Me Jesus - Rich Mullins
Oh, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small.
And I wake up in the night
And feel the dark.
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart.
So hold me Jesus,
'Cause I'm shaking like a leaf.
You have been King of my glory,
Won't You be my Prince of Peace?
Surrender don't come natural to me.
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need.
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down,
I'm falling on my knees.
So hold me Jesus,
'Cause I'm shaking like a leaf.
You have been King of my glory,
Won't You be my Prince of Peace?
And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin.
So hold me Jesus,
'Cause I'm shaking like a leaf.
You have been King of my glory,
Won't You be my Prince of Peace?
© 1993 BMG Songs, Inc. (Admin. by BMG Music Publishing) CCLI License No. 810055
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