Demanding Perfection?

Demanding perfection; living in love?

My childhood was shaped around a form of Christianity that made God - perhaps unintentionally - into a feared Being that watched me carefully.  While I was taught that He was loving, I also came to believe that He is demanding and that the only way to avoid His anger was to be good, as close to perfect as possible. 

Perfectionistic tendencies linger in me.  I like things done right, on time, and with excellence. Am I boasting about that? Not at all. But, a value was engrained in me early on in life that stubbornly hangs on.  It rises up to poison my trust in God and makes it hard for me to deal lovingly with what I perceive as failure to strive for the best.

Even though I have matured in faith and know that God is both good and loving, that He understands we are formed from dust and prone to failure; the shadows of perfectionism remain in me. When a relationship with someone grows strained, when things go awry at home, if someone leaves the church I pastor - my knee jerk response is to assume some is wrongwith me.   "If I just worked harder, made things better, prayed more ...  it would all be all right." That's a lie.  Yet, from time to time, I allow it to become my 'truth.'   The lie creates all kind of funhouse mirror kind of perceptions in life for me, twisting my ability to see others, situations, and even God, Himself, clearly.

That is why I love Ephesians, the book that celebrates God's amazing love.  Grace changes me from a religious Pharisee to a loving Christian, like my Savior. I weep almost every time I read those passages that assure us of His profound love because they are so wonderful.  Among the best lines of God's message are these:  "Immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us!" (Ephesians 2:4-5, The Message)"Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing!"(Ephesians 2:8-9, The Message) "That's plain enough, isn't it? You're no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You're no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He's using us all-irrespective of how we got here-in what he is building." (Ephesians 2:19, The Message)

Pope Francis, the head of the Roman Catholic Church made quite a stir yesterday when he urged his church to contextualize the moral issues of our time within a message of hope and mercy. His reminder is for all of us who follow Christ and represent Him in our world. If we are obsessive in a pursuit of perfectionism, focused only on trying to right every wrong, the healing message of Jesus Christ will be lost. Paradoxically, the more we try to fix ourselves, the deeper we dig into the mire of our sinfulness. 

We live in a very broken world, each of us wounded in some way.  Sin's depravity touches every person, with the Bible telling us that "We've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners ... and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us." (Romans 3:23, The Message)  I once read that as an indictment, a reason for God to withhold His favor from me.  In fact, exactly the opposite is true. That statement in the Word is one of assurance.  God knows we are broken by sin and still loves us enough to reach out to us with a gift. Grace! "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8, NIV)

Tuesday evening, appearing on CNN, Pastor Rick Warren talked honestly about the pain and loss that Kay and he experienced when their 27 year old son took his own life last year after struggling with mental illness since childhood.  Warren said that one of the great comforts is that he knows that God loves broken people. He did not offer simple solutions about why his son was not healed. He admitted to a struggle with the 'why' questions, but he said he chooses to remember his son's work with those who are weak and poor, his son's deep empathy for those in emotional pain. Then, Warren said this memorable line - "In God's garden of grace, even a broken tree bears fruit."  What an affirmation of grace for a perfectionist like me!

Are you struggling with failure?

Do you harshly judge yourself or others for their sins?

Do find it hard to approach the Lord for help because you are in the grip of the lie that He would love you more if you were 'better' in some way?

Take this word from the Word prayerfully, faithfully, to heart. 
"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in him. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. 
So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we are like Christ here in this world. Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us." (1 John 4:16-18, NLT)