We all get our feelings hurt, are ignored or treated rudely, from time to time. Relationships can be tough on us, right? We have little control over how others act, but we are in charge of our response. Taking offense and cutting off someone or launching a war of word is a costly choice. The Proverbs warns that offense becomes like a prison, locking one in and the other out! "An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." (Proverbs 18:19, NIV)
Some people appear to like being angry, taking offense over the most insignificant things. We call it having a ‘chip on your shoulder.’ Some say this phrase dates back to medieval times when a knight would place a piece of wood on his shoulder and dare anyone brave enough to challenge him, to knock it off! Occasionally, the chip was knocked off accidentally by the jostling of a crowd but the hapless person who knocked it off was faced with the nearly impossible task of trying to explain he did not mean to provoke a fight.
I am often called on to be a peace-maker, to attempt to rebuild a bridge between people driven apart by some offense. It amazes me how much energy and emotion that some folk will put into reinforcing a very minor slight. Insecurity causes some to dare the world around them to even appear to show disrespect; then they work up hurt feelings. Their tears and wounded emotions makes them the center of attention for a few moments, at least. But the ploy is generally counterproductive, for people quickly learn to avoid that person, fearing becoming the next offender required to try to soothe their ruffled feather.
I know Christians who are offended by situations such as:
"He failed to greet me in church!"
"She didn't extend a return invitation to dinner after I had her to dinner."
"Her son called my son stupid."
One could say that those are situations where courtesy failed, where someone was overlooked, but are they really a reason to call attention to yourself? Must we turn what is often simply oversight or failure of manners into an offense that destroys a relationship?
Things that set us off are often obscure or meaningless to others. When my brother, Andre', was about 6 years old, he hated to be called a 'green pig.' I, being 5 years older, took delight in calling him a 'green pig,' just to hear him wail. Why did he hate that silly phrase? Who knows? I would even imagine he doesn't remember it today, but it was a sure way to offend him in 1966! I would imagine if you called him a 'green pig' today and he would laugh and secretly wonder if you are crazy! Are you letting obscure things cause offense, even when others have no idea what or why is causing your distress? It’s easy to chuckle over being angered by being called a ‘green pig,’ but, then, I remember times when I have allowed offense to take root in my heart over things equally inconsequential on reflection.
Here’s the most important thing to remember: offense is not just a human relationship issue; it is a spiritual issue! The Evil One likes nothing better than to stir controversy between people - in marriage, in ministry, in neighborhoods, in churches, even in families. Why? Because an offended person is capable of sowing chaos that can ruin a family, destroy a church, paralyze an organization, or cause close groups to disintegrate. When we choose to focus narrowly on the failure of another or a lack of simple courtesy, or even an intentional dig that comes our way, we will take offense IF convince ourselves that our honor and dignity is at stake. Ironically, the more focused we become on preserving our honor, the less honorable we are! There is great dignity displayed by the person who simply refuses to take offense. The Bible says, "The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression." (Proverbs 19:11, NKJV)
Taking offense is a terrible strategy for gaining attention. Your screams will attract sympathy, but only temporarily. If you need or want friendships that are sustaining, if you want to enjoy camaraderie, become a participant instead of a spectator. Invest yourself, selflessly, in others, serving faithfully, lovingly, and without demands. Secure your heart in the Love of God! Let His Word convince you how much you matter to Him. Then, learn to refuse offense. When the Evil One whispers- “You're being disrespected. You’re not being treated fairly. Insist on your rights!” - you can silence the invitation to offense, by turning your heart to the Father's love.
Learn to forgive readily, as befits one who is forgiven so much by Jesus. In this you please the Lord and become a person who creates harmony, unity, and peace to the glory of God. And here's a word from the Word to take with you today. "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." (Luke 6:37-38, The Message)
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