One of the not so fun parts of leadership, even in a small organization, is the criticism that comes with the job. People with differing opinions or without full information about how a decision was made will often attack the decider. I’ve been told I was stupid, that I lacked vision, that I was not spiritual, that I was allowing my church to slide into decline, and more. That was said to my face! Behind my back, much worse has been said. (Yes, it is true that I have also received a ton of affirmation too, over the years, but that’s for another blog.) There was a time when I met each and every critic with drawn sword! In moments when I felt vulnerable even if my position was weak I was ready to defend it, rather like the school yard kid who finds he has nothing else to say, so he hurls the age-old insult – “your mother is ugly!”
In conflict, we have a decision to make – to amplify the noise or absorb it! Just about every married person knows how quickly the volume can rise during an argument when neither one is ready to back down! Our natural tendency is to respond to others with the same spirit they bring. “You want hostile, I’ll show you hostile!” Then, we run into the wisdom of Jesus who says, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." (Matthew 5:9, NIV) If we who have experienced His powerful love, we are empowered to break the cycle of human conflict. He said, "Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.” (Luke 6:27-31, The Message) Sound difficult? It is! Living in this way consistently requires that we have an intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit who works to change us from the inside out.
David, who was called 'a man after God's own heart,' (Acts 13.22) found himself in a dysfunctional relationship. While still a teenage boy, he was invited to be part of the court of King Saul, a man who quickly slid into insane jealousy, when others lauded David’s character and accomplishments. Once Saul flew into an unprovoked rage and attempted to kill David by hurling a javelin at him! After years of unjustified attacks, David cried out to Jonathan, his friend and Saul's son, "What have I done?" he exclaimed. "What is my crime? How have I offended your father that he is so determined to kill me?" (1 Samuel 20:1, NLT) David, in general, was not a man blinded to his own faults. This cry was no act of gratuitous self-pity! In truth, he had never done a thing to Saul except to serve him faithfully! The fault lay not with David, but with the man who hated him so intensely. Yet, David refused to surrender to rage and would not take any steps towards vindicating himself! Several times David had the chance to kill Saul, but he would not! He chose, instead, to trust himself and his reputation to God. What a model for us in time of conflict.
Have you served another and received only criticism in response?
Have you tried to be truthful and provoked the ire of someone now bent on evening the score?
Have you made a mistake and now live in a war of words that you do not know how to bring to an end?
Let God love you! It may sound trite, clichéd, but it is true! If you will retreat from the war, and take your rage, hurt, pain, and/or sorrow into His presence, prayerfully, and patiently, He can comfort and change you! When you sense His love, your security will rise. This will create new perspective, even give you courage to let yourself lose the battle, in order to win the war! Jesus requires that those who love Him live differently.
Here’s a word from the Word. Meditate on it for a few moments before you rush on today. Pray that in this world so full of conflict, that you will live differently because you are different! “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return. “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked." (Luke 6:32-35, NLT)
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Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.
- St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)
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