A sage observed there are three messages conveyed in any conversation; “what is said, what you think I said, and what I think I said!” Any married couple understands that one. As they are getting dressed to go to dinner, Sally asks Sam, “How does this outfit look?” The words seem to be inviting an opinion, but what she’s really asking is, “Do you find me attractive tonight?” If an inexperienced husband answers her question based on the words he heard, he risks a very lonely evening should he happen to think that the outfit is not that good looking on her. So he must skillfully answer in a way that answers the ‘hidden’ question that she meant, not the one she actually asked! Regardless of his opinion of her choice of clothing, he must affirm her sense of worth in his eyes. Yes, men are just as insecure, we just ask for affirmation in different ways!
The Bible’s lessons on communication are many.
First among them is Jesus’ requirement that we be people of plain and honest speech. He says, "Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong. " (Matthew 5:37, The Message) In this day when lawyers are legion, as followers of the Lord of Truth, we must make integrity in communication our goal.
Scripture reminds us that there is another Listener in every conversation. Thus we pray, "May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." (Psalm 19:14, NLT) Knowing that He understands what we say and what we meant is both a comfort and a caution!
Let a person talk long enough and he will reveal his heart! "A good person produces good words from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil words from an evil heart. And I tell you this, that you must give an account on judgment day of every idle word you speak. The words you say now reflect your fate then; either you will be justified by them or you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:35-37, NLT) If we listen to ourselves, we will learn much about our heart! Am I a person passionate about the things of God? It will show in my conversations. My emotions, fears, hopes, and dreams spill over in my words.
James warns us that our words are a powerful force – for good and for evil! With language rich in pictures, he says- "A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. … With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. … My friends, this can’t go on." (James 3:3-10, The Message)
So we turn to the Spirit of God, desperately praying, “Change me! Work to make my heart pure, my motives pure – so that the overflow, the words that spill out of me, will be pure.” By His grace, our words will become a grace gift, leaving the fragrance of Christ wherever we go. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29, NIV)
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You are God in Heaven and here am I on earth,
So I'll let my words be few; Jesus, I am so in love with You.
The simplest of all love songs I want to bring to You,
So I'll let my words be few; Jesus, I am so in love with You.
And I'll stand in awe of You, Yes, I'll stand in awe of You!
-and I'll let my words be few-
Jesus, I am so in love with You.
Matt Redman© 2000 Kingsway CCLI License No. 810055
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