Offense is a Choice

Today’s CoffeeBreak is guest authored by Eric Hoke, the youth pastor at Faith Discovery Church. He published the following on his own blog. It merits our attention.
I would say, “Enjoy,” but more likely you’ll wince as you read his words.

Offense is a Choice

I have a confession. Despite my manly endeavors like shooting guns, lifting weights and eating meat, I am sensitive. It’s true. I have enough self awareness to know that sad stories touch me deeply, corruption fires me up and as a result, I can get easily offended. No good.

It comes honestly enough, wanting to be liked, wanting to be appreciated, who doesn’t desire these things? But like a knife that cuts through hot butter, a sharp word, a judgmental comment or a hurtful remark can leave its mark. It took considerable time for me to identify the ‘why?’ It is easy to know the ‘what?’ But why? Why did I put so much stock in the approval [or disapproval] of others? Was it my own insecurity? Was my identity in the wrong place? Was I afraid? All of the above.

This attitude of constant offense led to anger, which led to resentment that led to bitterness. Really no good.  What it ultimately came down to is that my resentment towards people for not acting the way I think they should, my bitterness towards them for their words that hurt me and my anger building up because of my offense had nothing to do with them, but everything to do with me. I was living in that state by choice!

As I processed some of the “junk” that seems to weigh all of us down as life beats us up a bit, I realized that I was harboring anger, bitterness and resentment for stuff that happened on the playground in 5th grade. Like a person carrying around hundreds of pounds of trash around their neck for no apparent reason, so was I carrying around burdens that I didn’t need to. Through the power of God, I was able to forgive and let go. In that process, I was able to stop holding people to impossible standards, extend some of the grace I claimed to possess, and refuse to take offense.

So to this this I give a scripture and three points, what can I say? I am a preacher.

Romans 12:18– If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
I love this verse because you’ll never find any Bible verse with more qualifiers than this one. Living at peace requires extending grace, extending grace requires to make the choice not to take offense.

1. Taking offense is often rooted in not loving yourself. Look, if you know who you are, how much God loves you and if you can love and accept yourself as you are, who cares what someone else says?

2. Taking offense is a sign of weakness. It takes strength, work and grit to do well to others. To love your enemies, bless those that curse you. You can’t muster that up on your own. To take offense & hold bitterness is easy. That’s why most people choose to do it, but you’re not like most people.

3. Taking offense means it probably has truth. If it sticks to you a bit longer than it should, let’s face it: there could be some truth there. Accept it, learn from it and grow on.