The most important choice you make

When I talk to teens about life, choices, and success I tell them that the one choice that brings the greatest consequence is who they choose to marry!

• A spouse can be ‘the wind beneath your wings’ or a millstone around your neck.
• An emotionally whole person with whom you can share life will double your joy.
• A person who is a parasite will dim the sunshine on the brightest of days.
• A spouse who joins you in loving and serving God allows an intimacy to grow that is increasingly rare in this world.

 At the royal wedding last week, the Right Rev. Richard Chartres, the Bishop of London, offered this insight. “A spiritual life grows as love finds its centre beyond ourselves. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this; the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed.”

For the last six Sunday evenings, it’s been my privilege to lead a workshop about marriage using amazingly good material from Family Life aptly called The Art of Marriage. Couples who were married one year and those married 40 years sat next to each other learning or renewing their understanding of God’s design for humanity’s completion. The release of emotions that accompanied the teaching was something to behold. We hunger for love, don’t we? Our crazy, mixed up culture offers us sex in place of intimacy, schemes for control in place of other-centered service, and urges us to use our relationships to build our self-esteem. Marriage, as God intends it, is rapidly disappearing; replaced by contractual obligations shaped around raising children and creating economic advantage. No wonder so many marriages are full of misery. True marriage can never exist when we refuse the wisdom of the One who made us male and female then called us to covenant relationship that makes us ‘one flesh.’ (Genesis 2:24)

The man I quoted a moment ago, went on in that homily to offer this profound thought: “As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden. We are all incomplete: we all need the love which is secure, rather than oppressive, we need mutual forgiveness, to thrive.

As we move towards our partner in love, following the example of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is quickened within us and can increasingly fill our lives with light. This leads to a family life which offers the best conditions in which the next generation can practise and exchange those gifts which can overcome fear and division and incubate the coming world of the Spirit, whose fruits are love and joy and peace.”

The Word commands us simply and clearly to "Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery." (Hebrews 13:4, NLT) Let’s do it for God’s sake.

First, let us pray that the Holy Spirit will teach us how to be models of grace in our marriages, accepting one another, forgiving, and growing together in God’s purposes.

Second, let us reject the sinful ‘marriage’ ideas that are offered by pop culture, written up in Cosmopolitan, and offered by Oprah; accepting instead the counsel of the Lord.

Third, let us commit to preparing the next generation of Christians to be good husbands and wives by teaching them about this most important choice and by modeling godly marriage for them.

Here’s a word from the Word, a familiar passage about the kind of love that makes godly marriage possible. Remember such love comes from the One who is Love. We can only love like this as we accept His love for us. May you be loved today by our Divine Lover.

"Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit."

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, The Message)

Amen