You’ll never see me in that church again!

Proverbs says "An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars." (Proverbs 18:19, NLT)  Have you ever taken offense? I am talking about a time when you really dug into an angry posture of self-defense, when you fed a grudge against another by remembering it day and night, when you told anybody that would listen how badly you had been treated? It can be exhausting to keep that kind of thing going. Yet, so many of us do it.

American folklore includes the story of the Hatfields and the McCoys, two families that lived just across the river from each other on the Kentucky – West Virginia border. The feud was a real one that stretched out over 13 years from 1878 - 1891!  Nobody knows exactly what started it, but it probably was lingering difference over the Civil War, since one family had Confederate sympathies, the other was pro-Union. It escalated when a pig belonging to the McCoy’s wandered onto the land of the Hatfields and they claimed it as their own. 13 men were shot and killed during this ongoing feud!

A feuding Christian is a contradiction in terms! Jesus tells us that we cannot hang onto a grudge refusing to forgive and claim to be filled with the Spirit of God. It’s not negotiable, nor open for debate. In His model prayer, He teaches us to ask that God will "forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us." (Matthew 6:12, NLT) When you offend Him with your disobedience, do you want to be treated the same that you treat those who hurt or reject you? That’s the prayer’s intent.  Jesus won’t let us excuse our refusal to give up our offense. He goes on to say: "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15, NIV)

I feel such sorrow when I hear that someone has alienated himself from his family or his church over hurt feelings. Because of some difference over a decision, or a failure to remember a significant event, or somebody’s insensitive comment I have known people to say – “You’ll never see me in that church again.” Or, they cut themselves off from family gatherings, refusing invitations to events like holiday dinners. Nobody wins in those circumstances. There is only lingering pain and often the one who suffers most is the one who refuses to reconcile himself.

“Let it go” is wise counsel. Ask Christ to de-throne Self, to enlarge your heart, to increase grace in you. Trust Him for justice and give up all demands for fairness. Too hard, too much to ask? Not if God is our Father. Our true security and sense of well-being is found in His love, not in having our way or even in being treated as we think we deserve.

Here’s the word from the Word - "Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you. Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents." (Ephesians 4:32-5:1, The Message)

 Will you let it go? Really, you can and you should; for God’s sake.