Re-Orientation

Last week I took the first extended break from pastoral ministry since my Dad died in February. For much of the time I was short-tempered, depressed, and generally anxious. Even though I was with my lovely wife, traveling in a beautiful region, doing things I should have enjoyed; my emotions were unpleasant. Prayer felt like an exercise in futility. If I thought about anything sentimental tears were quick to blur my vision.

"Why am I like this?" I wondered. Then about the 5th day of vacation, I came to realize how much I had been depending on my daily work to keep my emotions at bay since his death. Preparing sermons, managing the church, and making calls were an effective way of putting a lid on my inner turmoil.

Our emotions are like young children! No matter how disciplined, they will occasionally ignore the fences and rules, turning rebellious. "See me! Deal with me! Pay attention!" Their demands will not be dismissed. Those are dangerous times! Like a child who no longer is within the safe boundaries of his yard needs extra monitoring so he does not run into the street, emotions that are outside the fence need to be tended as well. Why? Because, they can lead us into harm's way by bringing us to sin.

Once I was more consciously aware that it was my grief that was acting up, I was better able to cope with my emotions. It would be nice to tell you that I found a way to neatly wrap up the package and affix a pretty bow. I'd like to say, "I'm all better now," but I know I am not! Grief cannot be neatly managed. It is a messy experience. It intrudes at inconvenient times and places.

Yes, my head knows that there is no way to restore my life as it was before February 5, but my heart is not in in line, yet! The world is different for me forever. My mortality is more real now. My hope in Christ and His Resurrection is more important to me, too. The questions are acute, the longing for assurance more poignant! "What if, what next, where to..." are not just exercises in theorizing now. It is important to really 'know!'

The Bible tells me that my emotions can cause me to be be vulnerable in another way, too. Our doubts and fears born our psyche lower our defenses against the one that the Bible says is our "enemy the devil (who) prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8, NIV) That is why we are told to be "self-controlled and alert." On reflection, I can see that on several occasions through this week, the Enemy was actively attempting to steal blessings that God prepared for me. I was never alone in my struggle and pain. God was there, too! Using people and situations, He unmistakably brought me words of comfort, messages of hope. I can affirm this: "The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ-eternal and glorious plans they are!-will have you put together and on your feet for good." (1 Peter 5:10, The Message)

This word from the Word is one to hold onto tightly in those times when inner storms rage. May it comfort you as it did me and help us to reorient our lives around His love, and be led to healing for our hearts and hope that leads us Home.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"

... Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

... By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me- a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." (Psalm 42, NIV)
____________

There's a peace in my heart
That the world never gave,
A peace it can not take away;
Tho' the trials of life
May surround like a cloud,
I've a peace that has come
There to stay!

This treasure I have
In a temple of clay,
While here on His footstool I roam;
But He's coming to take me
Some glorious day,
Over there to my heavenly home!

Constantly abiding, Jesus is mine;
Constantly abiding, rapture divine;
He never leaves me lonely,
Whispers, O, so kind:
"I will never leave Thee,"
Jesus is mine.

Constantly Abiding
Murphy, Mrs. Will L.
© Public Domain