Today's thought comes from my reflection over the work that I have been doing with a few who have become offended. Some will surely read this TFTD and take offense! In writing it, I risk that, but I'm sending anyway, with the prayer that these words will promote unity, not build walls! Take God's wisdom to heart. He says, "Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and—good-bye, friend!" (Proverbs 17:9, The Message)
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Got a 'chip on your shoulder?' Some say this phrase dates back to medieval times when a knight would place a piece of wood on his shoulder and dare anyone brave enough to challenge him, to knock it off! Occasionally, the chip was knocked off accidentally by the jostling of a crowd but the hapless person who knocked it off was faced with the nearly impossible task of trying to explain he did not mean to provoke a fight.
When someone is abused or manipulated or suffers a financial loss, I can empathize with their loss and understand their anger. But, when people get angry, hurt, and deeply offended over perceived slights or repeated rumors that bear little resemblance to actual events, I am mystified by depth of wounds that develop, wounds that fester with the worst of human traits. Why do we choose the pain and heartbreak of being offended, when we can forgive a matter, release the offender from obligation, and find ourselves free of resentment, sorrow, and anger? The question that I raise is this - is the thing so important to require that relationships be broken, churches divided, or leaders criticized?
Things that set us off are often obscure, even inscrutable, to others. When my brother, Andre', was little, about age 6, he hated to be called a 'green pig.' Of course, being 5 years older, I took delight in calling him a 'green pig,' just to hear him wail. Why did he hate that silly phrase? Who knows? I would even imagine he doesn't remember it today, but it was a sure way to offend him in 1966! Call him a 'green pig' today and he'll laugh and wonder if you're crazy. Are you letting obscure things cause offense, even when others have no idea what or why is causing your distress?
Offense is not just a human relationship issue; it is a spiritual issue! We are much more likely to be offended when we are not walking in close fellowship with the Holy Spirit. When we are quick to take everything to Him in prayer, we receive healing for our wounds and the issue quickly dies. But, if we hold onto our pain, the Evil One seizes the opportunity to stir controversy between people - in marriage, in ministry, in neighborhoods, in churches, even in families. Why? Because an offended person is capable of sowing chaos that can ruin good organizations, that can cause close groups to disintegrate. The Devil spotlights the failure, the lack of simple courtesy, or even the intentional digs that we deal with and we become convinced that our honor and dignity is at stake. Ironically, the more focused we become on preserving our honor, the less honorable we generally are! There is great dignity displayed by the person who simply refuses to take offense. The Bible says, "The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression. " (Proverbs 19:11, NKJV)
There are two choices I try to make when I am feeling hurt, when I know that I am vulnerable to becoming offended. They help me to step over my pride, my sense of dignity, and preserve rather than destroy.
1. I secure my heart in the Love of God! He loves me despite knowing my worst faults, my most carefully concealed sin, and the gaps in my character. He gave His love to me while I was rejecting Him, turning my attention to lesser gods! When I allow His Word convince me how much I matter to Him, I am able to choose to refuse offense. When the Evil One whispers- 'you're not being treated with the respect you deserve,' - I can silence his chatter in a moment by remembering - "absolutely ...nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." (Romans 8:38-39, The Message) If I am loved I can forgive readily, as befits one who is forgiven so much by Jesus. In this I please the Lord and become a person who creates harmony, unity, and peace to the glory of God.
2. I remind myself of the 'big picture.' When I see the greater goals, I find it much easier to step over lesser issues. For example, I cherish my marriage, the joy of having a strong relationship with my wife, so on those days when she is less than pleasant, or when she is pre-occupied with her own interests, I work to refuse the temptation to descend into petty insistence on getting what I want and stirring up anger. Most things in life are more important than my feelings!
If you're offended, I appeal to you to be tender-hearted and quick to forgive. If you're happy and satisfied, store these words in your memory for that time when you are tempted by offense, a time that will surely come, sooner or later.
And here's a word from the Word to take with you today - "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." (Luke 6:37-38, The Message)
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