A long time ago, I settled my mind on the question of God's existence. All of Creation is one big argument that God is. From time to time I do have to deal with a different question and yesterday was one of those days. Does He care, is He present? Have I done something that caused me to wander from His side? Amazing, isn't it, that I can go from a wonderful time of intimate prayer, knowing the touch of the Hand of the Lord one day to wondering where He is the next? But, that is to be human. We react to our circumstances, are stressed by the suffering that is real, and cry out - "May Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth!" sometimes more out of desperation than real faith.
The window into the war zones of the Middle East is a like a view of Hell for me. Realizing that men and women are dying, that their homes and property are being destroyed by hatred, leaves me too sad for words and sometimes wondering, "Why God, do you permit such things?"
Standing by the side of a suffering Christian who is in terrible pain despite our prayers causes me to feel a little like Job who prayed - “My complaint today is still a bitter one, and I try hard not to groan aloud. If only I knew where to find God, I would go to his throne and talk with him there." (Job 23:2-3, NLT)
Standing in a funeral home seeing the body of a brave woman who lived with ALS for three long years and feeling only a fraction of the grief her family must know, I grew angry - for a moment - with God. For a while, I felt alone, almost forsaken.
Matthew 4 helps me to understand the source of my questions. Jesus was led by the Spirit to a time of temptation in the wilderness. Matthew 4 reports - Jesus was taken into the wild by the Spirit for the Test. The Devil was ready to give it. Jesus prepared for the Test by fasting forty days and forty nights. That left him, of course, in a state of extreme hunger..." (4:1-2, The Message) Who showed up next? Satan, with his various offers. It was Jesus' hunger that the devil exploited. In the middle of the battle for his soul, Jesus wanted food, comfort, and meaning.
You and I live in a 'wilderness' as long as we are on this earth! We are often engaged with challenges - spiritual and physical - that deplete our reserves and leave us hungry. Not just physically, either. We hunger for love. We hunger for meaning in our life. We hunger for peace and soul rest. We hunger for our Father's embrace after we have given our all in the battles of life. The Bible teaches us that the Enemy of our soul exploits that hunger. Note what Satan did when Jesus was near exhausted, depleted, and vulnerable. He lied - offering temporary satisfaction for the hunger that Jesus experienced.
"Make a stone into bread!
Throw yourself down and make God, your Father, show up to rescue you.
Worship me, just for a moment, and I'll give you recognition among men!"
Similarly, when we ache for comfort, when we want life to be easier to understand, he comes to offer us 'solutions' too.
Feeling emotionally empty? Throw an abusive tantrum and get some attention.
Need to be comforted? Overeat. Buy a new toy.
Want meaning? Pour yourself into getting power or gaining awards for your 'selfless' service.
Manipulate religion to make it serve your needs and desires.
Behind all of his suggestions is the great lie: "God doesn't care about you. If He did, He wouldn't allow you to be hungry! SO, it's time to take care of yourself."
Here's the faith challenge in such moments. It is the very love of God that allows us to feel hunger -- for that hunger should drive us to Him, to seek for Him! That is why Jesus replied to the devil with the Word Truth again and again. Jesus insists - "My need will be met by my Father!" And so should we! That does not mean that God will take away our hunger or fill us up in the way we always want Him to. If He did, we would not worship Him. Fatness, not leanness, is the greater test of the soul. And, we must never forget in it all - God is still Present! Jesus was in the wilderness by the will of His Father. God, our Father, calls us to contentment in Him, trusting in His promise even when our hunger diminishes our ability to sense Him there.
Contentment is something entirely different than being satisfied. John Eldredge writes, "Contentment is not freedom from desire (hunger), but freedom of desire. Being content is not pretending that everything is way we wish it to be; it is not acting as though we have no wishes. Rather, contentment is no longer being ruled by our desires."
Are you feeling an ache of spiritual hunger today? Has a trip through a wilderness left you worn out, wondering where God is, why He letting it happen?
I ache with you. But, don't let your human emotions or the Deceiver turn that hunger into an occasion for sin- either by trying to satisfy it with temporal things or by accusing your Father of leaving you orphaned.
Rather, let that hunger drive to a place of quiet before Him. And consider this:
"... if we look forward to something we don’t have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently. And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don’t even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:24-28, NLT)
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