In the middle of delivering my sermon yesterday, a car horn started to blare in the lower parking lot. After a moment, I noticed the congregation's attention was wandering along with my own! I wondered, "why doesn't somebody take care of that?" Of course, what was to be done? Were two dozen people supposed to stand up and go out to check their car? After another moment I paused, and, with some irritation evident (that's what my wife tells me, anyway) said, "I'll just wait until the noise stops before I continue." A moment later the horn stopped sounding. At the end of the service, Jeremy approached and said, with a mischievous smile on his face, "It was your car, Pastor!" I expected someone else to take care of a situation that was really 'my problem' because, even though my car was parked in that lot, 'it couldn't be my vehicle.' When I found out that my car was the 'offender,' I was a little embarrassed and a lot amused!
Have you ever done that; made 'your problem,' into 'his problem' blind to the possibility that at least part of responsibility belongs to you?
Over the years I've been asked to counsel dozens of couples through a tough spot in their marriage. In many of those situations, as soon as the couple starts to talk to me I can see that she thinks it's his problem, and he thinks it her problem! An impasse forms around the issue, as each waits for the other to initiate change. Neither will own any responsibility. Pride is strong, isn't it? That little phrase, "I was wrong!" sticks in our throat. We find it so hard to ask questions that might lead us to discover where we bear some responsibility for a misunderstanding, for pain, for a broken relationship.
In his famed Sermon on the Mount, Jesus warned about the lack of humility that can cause us to blame, point, judge, and accuse. He drove home his point with a funny little metaphor, but a powerful one we all can understand. He said, “Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye." (Matthew 7:1-5, NLT) Everytime I read that passage, a ridiculous mental image forms of a person leaning in close to another's face looking for a speck of sawdust, even as the branch in their own eye smacks the other person in the side of the head every time they try to maneuver a little closer to 'help' out!
Only God can save us from a self-righteous arrogance that says, "It's not me, therefore, it must be you!" The Message, a contemporary paraphrase of the Bible, loses the direct metaphor, but helps us grasp the principle of which Jesus was speaking: "It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor." (Matthew 7:3-5, The Message)
Something bugging you at home, at work?
Have you assumed that the problem must belong to the other person, like I did in church yesterday?
Humbly re-consider that defensive stance. As Jesus taught us, let's adopt the humility of a child.
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you where you may have a part in creating the difficulty, keeping an offense alive, causing a stressful situation to become worse by blaming; then, with His help, begin to make a difference.
____________________
"Father, as I begin a new week,
I thank you for the opportunities that You are preparing for me at this moment:
opportunities to love someone in need,
opportunities to care, to pray, to minister Your grace.
Thank You, Lord, for loving me and reaching out to me when the problem really was my problem!
'While I was still sinning, ignoring You, You loved me,' and that is amazing and wonderful, Lord.
Keep me near to You today, responsive to Your leading,
loving God and others, obedient and holy.
This I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen."
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