"How'm I doing?" was the signature line of 'Hizzoner' Ed Koch, during his three terms as mayor of New York City. Whenever, wherever he appeared in public, he would ask the crowd, "How'm I doing?" Apparently he did all right because he was elected 3 times. Did Mayor Koch really want to know how he was doing his job, or was he just using a popular line? Was he really seeking a substantive answer or would his question have been better framed as "How do I appear to be doing?" I have no idea, but I do know that I ask myself from time to time - "how are you doing, Jerry?"
There's a temptation to answer that question based on appearances alone. "Am I looking good?" is, for many of us, equal to "am I really doing well?" We live in a time of image. Billions of dollars in our economy are spent to cultivate an appearance of success, of youth, of intelligence. It starts when we we're young and we feel the pressure to buy the right 'label.' It continues as grow up with living in the 'right' kind of neighborhood, driving the 'right' kind of car.... you get the point. But all this image-making can get confused with reality and we can lose touch with the answer to the question, "How'm I doing?" The choice to cultivate image over reality is deadly, especially in spiritual matters!
Then, too, we might try to answer that question, "how'm I doing?' based on how others see our performance. That's a temptation for me as a Pastor, and I suspect for most of you, too, whatever your work or calling. I want the people in the church I lead to think of me as competent, hard-working, honest, and spiritual. There's nothing wrong with that, unless I start doing things that are out of sync with my inner reality, to try to make others think I'm someone that I'm not. Truthfully, it's not too hard to impress others, for a while anyway. Just say the right word at the opportune moment, show up and do what you say you will do, keep the machine oiled and running -- and most people -- will say, "He's all right!" But under an outer layer of respectability, lies the real you, the person who needs to asked often - "How'm I doing?"
That's why I periodically take time to reflect using hard questions --
Do my private thoughts match my public words?
Do my secret prayers line up with my pulpit prayers?
Does my level of affection for God's people in my heart equal my professions of love?
Is God first in my mind and heart, or just when I 'on-stage?'
Bill Hybels wrote a book with a great title and a better message -- "Who you are when no one's looking." That's the place to look when evaluating. Jesus reminds us of a sobering fact. Reality is eventually discovered! He said it in these words: A good person produces good deeds from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil deeds from an evil heart. Whatever is in your heart determines what you say. “So why do you call me ‘Lord,’ when you won’t obey me?" (Luke 6:45-46, NLT) That's why religion never pleases God if it's focused only on changing external behaviors. It's not enough that He merely appear to be our Lord. He must be Lord of all, or He is not Lord at all.
With enough coercion or pressure, most of us can be made to conform our actions and words to some externally imposed standard. We can hold that conformity for quite while, depending our self-discipline, but our true self will always emerge. Usually that happens in the 'crunch!' When things go bad, when the heat is turned up, when we hit wall after wall-- our true character is revealed. Images crumble in those times. That's why now is the time to seek the Spirit's transformational power. As we ask ourselves, "How'm I doing?" it needs to be a kind of prayer that invites the Holy Spirit to help us to see under the surface. David prayed, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." (Psalm 139:23-24, NLT)
"How'm I doing, Lord?"
______________________________
Search me, O God, And know my heart today;
Try me, O Savior, Know my thoughts, I pray.
See if there be some wicked way in me;
Cleanse me from every sin and set me free.
I praise Thee, Lord, for cleansing me from sin;
Fulfill Thy Word, and make me pure within.
Fill me with fire where once I burned with shame;
Grant my desire to magnify Thy name.
Lord, take my life, and make it wholly Thine;
Fill my poor heart with Thy great love divine.
Take all my will, my passion, self and pride;
I now surrender, Lord, in me abide.
Cleanse Me, Edwin J. Orr
Copyright: Public Domain
No comments:
Post a Comment