Ashamed? No more

An attractive woman counseled with me years ago who felt powerful shame about her beauty. She had multiple failed relationships with men and wondered why. She revealed that 20 years before, as she became physically developed in her teens, when she dressed up to look pretty, her father would call her a whore and a filthy tramp. Unable to understand that he was transmitting his own feelings of shame about his sexuality onto her, she processed his cruel words into ‘truth’ about herself.

Parents who use shaming as a primary disciplinary tool are doing an awful injustice! Holding a child up to ridicule that confuses what she has done with who she is has terrible consequence. If you tell a little person he is worthless long enough, he will learn to believe it and most likely will treat himself like a piece of junk! Shame, which morphs into feelings of inferiority, will generally turn into dysfunctional behavior in a pursuit of relief. Paradoxically, the self-destructive choices lead only to deeper shame.

Do you ever have a memory sweep over you accompanied by feelings of intense shame? It’s not all that uncommon. Is that shame bad or good? Mostly, shame is unhealthy. Guilt can serve us well, moving us to seek positive change because guilt is formed around action. Shame is about who we think we are and thinking that we are worthless or beyond love serves no good purpose.

The glory of the Gospel of Christ is that there is forgiveness and restoration. God does not just forgive our wrong behavior, He gives us a new identity. He makes us whole, new from the inside out. Jesus Christ came into a world that was full of darkness and sin, and became the Light of True Righteousness. No longer did the shamed guilty person feel that his only choices were to hide his sin, or to cover up his nagging sense of shamefulness with good works, or by condemning others, or by finding temporary pleasure in even more sinful choices. He could be forgiven and set free!  Jesus says "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life." (John 8:12, NLT)

When the Bible is used like a club to beat sinners with shame and to drive them deeper into despair, it makes me furious. Jesus seldom spoke to sinful behavior without offering the possibility of change.  Yet, today, Christians turn to shaming, rightly speaking to the sins, but wrongly making the sinner feel worthless, hopeless, and condemned.  In John’s gospel, we read about Jesus’ interaction with a woman, giving her back her worth, while challenging her to change her ways. "The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?"

They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt. Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?" "No one, Master." "Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin." (John 8:3-11, The Message)

This is the same Jesus who loves us. He sees us not just for what we have done, but for who we can become in Him. On the Cross, He took our shame on Himself. And there He made it possible for us to become people of honor and glory.  At Calvary, the worst of sin met the amazing grace of God. The Scripture tells us "You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross." (Colossians 2:13-15, NLT)

Are you living in shame?
There is no need to stay there any longer.

The word from the Word is a little longer today, but it is a powerful statement of what God thinks about WHO you are. "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s judgment. For since we were restored to friendship with God by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be delivered from eternal punishment by his life. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God—all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done for us in making us friends of God." (Romans 5:8-11, NLT)  He hates sin, but He loves people. Let Him love you to life!

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No Longer Slaves

(worship at this link)

You unravel me with a melody

You surround me with a song

Of deliverance from my enemies

Till all my fears are gone

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

From my Mother's womb

You have chosen me

Love has called my name

I've been born again into Your family

Your blood flows through my veins

You split the sea so I could walk right through it

My fears were drowned in perfect love

You rescued me so I could stand and sing

I am a child of God

Brian Johnson | Joel Case | Jonathan David Helser

© 2014 Bethel Music Publishing

CCLI License # 810055

Give it a rest!

After about 10 days without a real break, I made myself rest yesterday. I sat on my deck and enjoyed the sounds of life surrounding me. I read a good book with beautiful music playing. I did a few household chores, but mostly- I rested! As a result of easing up on the throttle, so to speak, when it was time to actually time go to bed, I quickly fell into a deep and peaceful sleep, my heart overflowing with thankfulness for the peace of God.

God told the Jews that one of the ways they would be marked as belonging to Him would be an observance of a weekly day of rest. One day in 7 was to be free of work, focused on rest and worship, for the purpose of creating space for reflection and finding renewal. While I do not read the Scripture as requiring a Sabbath law for Christians, I do see a principle that we ignore to our peril. When we become so convinced that we must work for days on end, that we cannot take time to rest, that worship is a luxury we cannot afford - we become deceived about our self-importance and lose sight of God’s love and provision for us.

Spiritually, we discover something of critical importance about ‘resting’ in the book of Hebrews, where we read of the ‘Sabbath rest’ available to the people of God.  God invites us into a place of serenity, where our souls are settled securely in the covenant promise of the Lord. "Since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith." (Hebrews 4:1-2, NIV) Unbelief, a refusal to accept the grace of Christ, leads us to frantic activity that destroys our peace with God..

Are you working to try to save yourself? 
Are you troubled that you might not be ‘good enough for God?’ 

Does your insecurity drive you to do more without joy?

Unless you are living in some deliberate, unconfessed sin – you need not let your heart be troubled. Christ Jesus fully completed the work of making us right with God. It’s done! Oh yes, we are called to work out the implications of that salvation as disciples of Jesus. We are gifted by the Spirit to serve, but not in a frantic way, not to prove our worth to God. Working with God is so much more fulfilling than working for Him.  Have you forgotten that Jesus calls us brothers not servants, that He invites to live as members of the family of God, not merely as servants in the household of God?

If we are constantly working hard in an attempt to earn His blessings or to salve our battered conscience, our efforts will be dutiful, exhausting; self-focused. This misplaced focus becomes a source of a temptation to settle for ‘looking good’ rather than actually allowing the Spirit to make us beautifully holy. When we engage in serving the Lord because we love Him even those things that could be drudgery, take on meaning: the same tasks, yes; but, done with a different motive.

But, if we rest fully on the completed work of Christ, we find continual renewal, more effectiveness, and peace ‘’that passes human understanding”  even in the worst of times.

Meditate on Jesus’ words. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV)  He has prepared a place of soul rest for you. It is not the kind of rest we find in a hammock in the backyard on a Summer afternoon.   It’s a sense of fulfillment and purpose that comes from knowing His covenant love and the security that results.

Do you need to tell yourself ‘just give it a rest!’? 

Bring that matter that troubles your soul to Him. 

Ask for wisdom, for help, for acceptance – and ‘enter His rest.’

Here is a word from the Word - "The LORD protects the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling." (Psalm 116:6-8, NIV)

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Peace, peace, wonderful peace,

Coming down from the Father above!

Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray

In fathomless billows of love!

                -Public Domain

Thanks, Mr. Rogers

I enjoy a well-written biography. Who was he? Where did he come from? What formed his values? I am reading The Good Neighbor, about the man who was part of shaping the lives of millions of children who visited Mr. Roger’s neighborhood each day on television. A primary descriptive word the author uses is kind, tracing Fred’s kindness to the example of his wealthy parents who were active in caring for the poor of their city. Beyond their example, he knew what it felt like to be treated badly. He was often bullied as a child when he was overweight, isolated, and frequently ill.  Fred Rogers wanted every child to feel loved and invested his life in pursuit of that aim.

Kind – what a bland word, at first glance. We may admire kindness but few of us consciously aspire to being ‘kind.’ Fred Rogers made an easy target for the pseudo-sophisticates who mocked his cardigan sweater and gentle tone. And, yet, children loved him, drawn to a man who had time to notice their interests.

Are you kind?

A kind person is of a gentle nature, helpful, and readily showing concern for others. A good measure of patience is required as well. The Word does not just suggest kindness to disciples. God requires it of us. Contrasting two very different ways of life, Paul writes "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32, NIV)

I feel the weight of those moments in my life when impatience made me demanding or mean-spirited. I know how easy it is to speak critical or harsh words, filled with judgment, that leave another’s heart broken.  And I am thankful that God has worked to make me a much kinder man than I once was, though that work has been at the cost of much pain.

The world we live in desperately needs Christians who are filled with kindness. In the cacophony of the raging culture wars, when even Christians hurl Twitter broadsides at those with whom they differ within the Body of Christ, I pray that God will make me gentle.  Gentleness does not mean that we live without conviction. Kindness does not make us fearful of taking a stand. Those who are filled with the Spirit learn to trust Him and that deep faith makes us capable of listening well so as to make even those with whom we disagree feel cared for, persons who are loved by God.

Indeed, kindness is evidence of the life of the Spirit in us! “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ^gentleness and self-control.”  God is kind to us. He does not treat us contemptuously, does not refuse to hear us because we are ‘less’ to Him. He gives us good gifts, loving us even when we are apathetic towards Him.

As you head into a new week, try a little kindness. In prayer, thank God for His compassion. Repent for specific places where you have been mean, judgmental, cruel, or careless.  And, then pray for kindness and let Him break your heart, take away your fears, and make you gentle.

Here is a word from the Word - "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, NIV)

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Try a Little Kindness

(an old song but a great thought)

If you see your brother standing by the road

With a heavy load from the seeds he's sowed

And if you see your sister falling by the way

Just stop and say, you're going the wrong way

You got to try a little kindness

Yes show a little kindness

Just shine your light for everyone to see

And if you try a little kindness

Then you'll overlook the blindness

Of narrow-minded people on the narrow-minded streets

Don't walk around the down and out

Lend a helping hand instead of doubt

And the kindness that you show every day

Will help someone along their way

You got to try a little kindness

Yes show a little kindness

Just shine your light for everyone to see

And if you try a little kindness

Then you'll overlook the blindness

Of narrow-minded people on the narrow-minded streets

Glen Campbell