“Why did I act that way? I said some terrible things.” He spoke with shame, regretting those moments. Who hasn’t felt that way? Shame is defined as “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong behavior.” It can serve us well, moving us to seek change when we act in ways that are selfish, cruel, dishonest, or sinful. That shame, the ache of guilt and regret – can overcome our reluctance to break out of habits with counsel and discipline. OR, we can choose to live in shame which is a terrible way to live that poisons us, inside out!
Not all shame comes from actual wrong-doing. People can feel
true shame about their body that does not match an idealized cultural standard
of beauty. People can feel shame over
sexual desire that is normal and make a choice to attempt to repress those
thoughts, leading to even more compulsions fed by secrecy of shame.
There are many adults who carry the scars of
being raised by parents who misused shaming words as a primary corrective
tool. If a child is told she is stupid,
incapable, or lazy enough times it becomes a defining part of their inner
narrative, very hard to overcome. If you
tell a little person he is worthless long enough, he will learn to believe it
and most likely will treat himself like a piece of junk! It is not ‘discipline’
to speak to a child in a way that makes him feel worthless! People are valuable, behaviors can be
changed!
Years ago I counseled a woman who hid herself in baggy clothing and felt shame if any thought of being attractive entered her mind. Together we talked about what she was experiencing and, with tears, she told about her father’s awful words. As she entered adolescence and her body began to develop, she liked being pretty. Her father responded to her beauty by telling her that they way she was dressing was fit for a whore, referring to her behavior as that of a “filthy tramp.” Though I never knew that man, my guess was that he had his own complicated feelings of shame about his sexuality which got twisted into his awful words to his daughter. It left deep emotional scars.
The Good News of Jesus is that because of His love, we
can experience full release from shame! Christianity that is made into a
source of shame and condemnation is a caricature. The heart of our faith
teaches us that Jesus Christ came us when we were in darkness and sin, and
became the Light of True Righteousness.
His death on the Cross is God’s act to liberate us from every shameful
thing we have ever said or done. In confession and faith we lay down guilty
feelings and shame and are free to serve Him and love others.
God’s grace speaks directly to my sin and yours, too! There is no need to hide our sin, to pretend
perfection, or to attempt to ‘make it better’ with incessant ‘good works.’ Jesus says - "I am the light of the
world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will
have the light that leads to life." (John 8:12, NLT)
The religious leaders that opposed Jesus were taught a
shame-based religious system. He challenged that with loving grace. In this
story we see the stark contrast.
"As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and Pharisees brought a woman they had caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the very act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.
They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, stone her. But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.
Then Jesus stood up again and said to her, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”" (John 8:3-11, NLT)
This same Jesus loves you and me! He sees us not just for
what we have done, but for who we can become in Him. He does not excuse
our sins and failures, He forgives and grants us the
possiblity of a wholly new life in the Spirit. The Cross is for us both a
symbol of terrible shame and awesome glory, for there the worst of sin met the
unfathomable grace of God.
The Scripture tells us "You were dead
because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then
God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the
record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.
In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them
publicly by his victory over them on the cross." (Colossians 2:13-15,
NLT)
These words from the Word can change you. Meditate on them today.
-“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are
never covered with shame.” (Psalm 34:5, NIV)
-“Instead of your shame, you will receive a double portion, and instead of
disgrace, you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so, you will inherit a
double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.” (Isaiah
61:7, NIV)
-For in Scripture it says: -“See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” (1 Peter 2:6, NIV)
Are you living in shame?
There is no need to stay there any longer.
The One who knows you best, loves you most!
(Video of this blog at this link)
____________________
You unravel me with a melody
You surround me with a song
Of deliverance from my enemies
Till all my fears are gone
I'm no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God
I'm no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God
From my Mother's womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I've been born again into Your family
Your blood flows through my veins
You split the sea so I could walk right through it
My fears were drowned in perfect love
You rescued me so I could stand and sing
I am a child of God
Brian Johnson | Joel Case | Jonathan David Helser © 2014 Bethel Music Publishing
CCLI License # 810055
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