At a wedding on Friday evening, I had the privilege of watching
a group of people gather to celebrate. They had grown up together, invested
time in each other, had their disagreements and disappointments, and still
after 30 years, they were friends. Even though I was the ‘outsider’ it was a
warm, inviting atmosphere.
Exactly what makes people bond? Why are some people more
‘likeable’ than others? How is it that some attract a circle of friends that
stays strong while others struggle to maintain even a few close relationships? Physical attractiveness and social status can
be things that make a person ‘popular’ at first, but unless there is character
and depth under the surface, those people are not going to be able to sustain
friendships.
So what builds and strengthens the kind of friendships that
will enrich us for life? In no special order, let’s explore a few.
Commitment is a key.
We want to know that if we put in time with a person, they are not going to
abandon us when somebody ‘better’ comes along. Ruth, whose story is told in the
book in the Bible that bears her name, went through tragedy, losing her husband.
Her mother-in-law, also widowed, decided to return to Israel from Ruth land, Moab.
When the time came for their paths to diverge,
Ruth asked to accompany Naomi. Her words
are an amazing declaration of commitment. "Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you.
Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my
people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be
buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but
death separates you and me.” (Ruth 1:16-17, NIV) How many people have you made that kind of
commitment to? “I’m going to be here for
you, share your life ‘til one of us leaves this life!”
Christlikeness must be
in evidence, too. Jesus is my Lord, my Savior, my Hope. The people that I
want closest to me are those who love Him, too! “Spur one another to love and good deeds,” the Bible says. Paul
invited those he knew to “Follow me as I
follow Christ!” We need friends who help
us keep the right focus, who help us overcome our failures, whose very presence
in our lives makes us better people, for God’s sake.
Selflessness is
important! Paul urges us to learn to love each other in a way that wants
the best for the other guy. "If you
have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his
love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then
make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in
spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in
humility consider others better than yourselves." (Philippians 2:1-3,
NIV) Who can form a real and deep
attachment to a person who is only interested in himself? It is tiresome to
spend much time with a person who we know will always make they take care of
themselves first. Real friends are encouraging, listening, loving, taking an
interest in us – through the up’s and down’s of life. And, we do the same for
them.
Be yourself! Nobody
really wants to be the friend of a person who is pretending to be someone
else. Have the confidence to live with yourself, to be who you are, not who you
think someone wants you to be. Yes, authenticity is important in lasting friendships.
Resilience matters. Life
is going to get tough, sooner or later, for us all. Death will visit our
family. Things will go upside down in our job. Sickness may come. We are
attracted to those who do not fold up under the pressure, who do not turn into
victims. Those who are hopeful, who
choose authentic joy, who get back up when they are knocked down, inspire us
and we want to learn from them. “Where does your strength come from? How can
you bounce back from that experience?”
David gathered friends who stuck with him in the worst times. Those men
were willing to go to battle with him, ready to live in exile alongside of him.
Why? One of the things that makes David’s life so compelling is his resilience.
He fell. He had hard times. But, he also had faith and stood up time and time
again. These were not just words for him, they were the declaration of the way he
lived in faith. " A psalm of David.
In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me
in your righteousness. … Praise be to the Lord, for he showed his wonderful
love to me when I was in a besieged city. …
Love the Lord, all his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful, but the
proud he pays back in full. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the
Lord." (Psalm 31:1,21,23-24, NIV)
And, of course, there
is LOVE. In that famed chapter, Paul describes the kind of love that makes friendship
what it ought to be. "Love never
gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it
doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force
itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t
keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes
pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, The Message) Not the stuff of a movie romance, is it? Do you love?
When you are in a crisis, who can you call at midnight? Those people are true friends. If you have
not built those kinds of relationships, start now. Pray for a place to invest
yourself. Show up, be part. Make a commitment to your family, your
church, your friends. Find those who also love Christ. Serve joyfully. Refuse
to play the victim, forgiving, growing, anticipating God’s future for your
life. And, friendships will form that will be among your richest resources in
this world.
Here is a word from the Word. Lord, inspire us to richer
relationships, make us friends in the family of God. "We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us.
So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If someone
has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no
compassion—how can God’s love be in that person? Dear children, let’s not
merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions."
(1 John 3:16-18, NLT)
___________
(listen to this old song at this link)
Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends
With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show
No a lifetime's not too long to live as friends
Deborah D. Smith | Michael W. Smith
© 1982 Meadowgreen Music Company (Admin. by Capitol CMG
Publishing)
CCLI License # 810055
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