Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Married or just living together?



Many couples find no reason to take the step of getting married.  “We love each other,” they profess; and they do! “We are committed to each other,” and they are – to an extent; but not enough to commit to marriage.  What difference does that little piece of paper make? A very BIG difference.  Ask any person who has survived a divorce. Those who live together can part company with minimal fuss.  No, I am not minimizing the pain or hurt of a break-up, but without marriage there are no property laws or support requirements to contend with.  Laws governing divorce are designed to encourage couples to stay married, to work out their problems.  Marriage provides stability, encourages responsibility, and gives exclusive privilege rights to spouses.

Yesterday’s blog (A Serving of Jesus) urged commitment to the local church and challenged the consumer orientation in Christianity that makes it ‘all about me.’  A reader wrote to me:  “Here in ____ where there are churches aplenty, in 8 year’s time I have yet to find one holding anything more powerful than "the form of religion, yet lacking the power thereof.”  I participate in a Sunday Bible study but skip the service that follows.  Am I simply a consumer, … or, am I a man of principle, refusing to settle for less than a powerful, Spirit-filled experience? "  I understand his question and know it is framed in sincerity.  My answer in part would encourage that man to find and marry a local church – for his own sake and in obedience to Christ’s will.

Another friend of mine has attended the same church for more than 30 years.  He’s endured leadership decisions that went against his principles. He’s experienced shifts in worship that are not in keeping with his preferences. He’s put up with  preaching that did not ‘feed’ his soul.  He’s seen changes come that have diminished his ability to find a place of ministry after years of dedicated involved; but he knows that the church does not exist to provide a customized spiritual experience for him.  Just to be clear, he has not been a dissenting critic, either. He joyfully supports his church and desires her growth for the glory of Christ. He married that local congregation, and in obedience to the Lord’s calling, continues to support her.  Both he and that church are richer for his choice!

There is a depth of character that develops in those who choose commitment over convenience.  In death to Self, there is a discovery of Christ Jesus and His Presence that cannot be obtained by those who carefully protect themselves.  It is comparable to seeing a married couple who have pressed through the stresses involved in raising children, who have worked at building a home, who have endured serious illness together, who have confronted mortality as they buried their parents.  That man and woman move past love that seeks self-fulfillment and find a love that is mutually beneficial, that makes them one – in heart and mind.  Paradoxically, in their loss of Self, they open the door to discovery of deeper fulfillment.  In much the same way, those who stay with a local congregation, regardless of their feelings of the moment, will learn to love Christ in a selfless way.

Consider what Paul says about the Church.  As you read his words, remember he was not treated kindly by those with whom he fellowshipped!  Congregations criticized him. Some turned against him.  Still, he knows the value of the Church, even in her imperfection. "Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ. Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church." (Ephesians 4:10-15, NLT)

Note the intermingled images of marriage and church in this passage. "For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself." (Ephesians 5:23-28, NLT)

Ask yourself – “Am I ready to stop just living with my church and to marry her?”
_______________

The Church's one foundation
Is Jesus Christ, her Lord.
She is His new creation
By water and the Word.
From heav'n He came and sought her
To be His holy bride,
With His own blood He bought her,
And for her life He died.

Elect from every nation
Yet one o'er all the earth.
Her charter of salvation:
One Lord, one faith, one birth!
One holy Name she blesses,
Partakes one holy food,
And to one hope she presses
With every grace endued.


'Mid toil and tribulation
And tumult of her war,
She waits the consummation
Of peace forevermore.
‘Till with the vision glorious
Her longing eyes are blest
And the great Church victorious,
Shall be the Church at rest.

Yet she on earth hath union,
With God, the Three in One,
And mystic sweet communion
With those whose rest is won.
O happy ones and holy,
Lord, give us grace that we
Like them, the meek and lowly,
On high may dwell with Thee.

Samuel John Stone | Samuel Sebastian Wesley
© Words: Public Domain

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