"Lord, You owe me!"

Pain and fear punched me; one after the other and I cried out – “Lord, I’m one of the good guys. I don’t deserve this.”  As soon as I heard those words, my spiritual pride became obvious to me.   Without realizing it, I had started to play, “Let’s Make a Deal” with God, trading my goodness for His favor.  The subtle shift in focus from His grace to my religion undermined real faith. Instead of crying out, “Lord, I trust You to keep me,” I was complaining, demanding even.  I am so grateful that in that moment, the Spirit revealed my heart, I confessed, and He forgave me.  From that moment, there was grace that kept me through the rest of that trial.

Are you in a difficult situation, a time of suffering? Is there a simmering anger at God that comes from an unspoken sense, “You, Lord, have failed me. I deserve better.”?  Habbakuk is a companion on this road. He, too, experienced disappointment. The opening words of his book reveal his struggle to keep faith: "How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But you do not listen! “Violence!” I cry, but you do not come to save." (Habakkuk 1:2, NLT) That is one gutsy prayer, isn't it? "Hey, God, what up with this? I thought you would answer my call and it feels like you hung up the phone on me instead." Habbakuk saw the growing threat of the Babylonian Empire and thought God would step in to deliver His people. Instead, God revealed that He would allow that nation to conquer Israel.

How does one deal with that kind of disappointment? It's what we struggle with when we pray to be healed and God says, "I'll be with you but I won't take away the illness."  We must reject spiritual pride that brings a sense of entitlement as we pray for release from temptation.  We are taught to ask boldly, but always with humility.  Sometimes the Spirit will not bring us the answer we want! Instead of delivering us out, He decides to take us through.  He says, "We'll walk together through the fiery trial."  Unlike some of the prophets who thunder with certainty about the power of the Lord, Habbakuk gives us a prayerful voice that waits and wonders at God's often inscrutable ways. Ultimately, he comes to the place where he says, "God hang onto me. It's the only hope I have."  "Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vine; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains. " (Habakkuk 3:17-19, NLT)

Many times when my faith is stretched thin I claim this prophet's prayer and make it my own desperate plea. If you're in a hard place today, broken-hearted, fearful, disappointed, confused - do not let the Enemy of God and good make you believe that you are just weak, or that you are a terrible Christian. Don’t demand or complain.  Know that testing and temptation is the common experience of those who love Jesus. When we put one foot in eternity while we still live on earth, we invite a certain tension into our lives! We keep hoping when others give up and live small, hopeless lives. We keep working to make the world brighter and better when others settle for 'what is' and accommodate themselves to the emptiness a life with no other purpose than "eat, drink, and be merry!"

“Yet, I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!”  That, my friend, is the stuff of faith! "Whatever comes, whatever my disappointment - Lord God, I will keep on trusting You." When He fills our vision, He becomes our strength and He makes us sure-footed in treacherous territory.

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Whom Shall I Fear God Of Angel Armies

You hear me when I call,

You are my morning song,

Though darkness fills the night,

It cannot hide the light!

Whom shall I fear?

You crush the enemy

underneath my feet.

You are my sword and shield

Though troubles linger still.

Whom shall I fear?

I know Who goes before me.

I know Who stands behind.

The God of angel armies is always by my side.

The One who reigns forever,

He is a friend of mine,

The God of angel armies is always by my side.

My strength is in Your name

For You alone can save.

You will deliver me

Yours is the victory!

Whom shall I fear?

Whom shall I fear?

 (And) nothing formed against me shall stand,

You hold the whole world in Your hands.

I'm holding on to Your promises,

You are faithful. You are faithful.

Chris Tomlin | Ed Cash | Scott Cash

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