Control Issues?

Descriptions of real problems find their way into our vocabulary and then we are ready to ‘diagnose’ others.  “Control issues” is the term of the day.

• As in, “My husband has real control issues. Why should I have to keep our house in order?  Sure, I am a full-time stay at home Mom, but does he think it’s my job to take care of our home?”

• Or, “My supervisor thinks I should show up on time and prepared to work every day! What a control freak.”   

• And yes, I love this one, “Can you believe my parents?  They think I should get up, go to school, and do my homework.  They are so controlling!” (This is usually said to a fellow teen on a smartphone provided by said parents.)  

My late Mom probably would have been called a ‘controlling person.’  Obedience was a paramount quality in our home. I was expected to make my bed (to meet military specifications, no joke!) every morning, to hang up my clothes, to get up (at 5:45 AM) and do my farm chores before school without complaint …  and she was not shy to let me know when I slacked off.  On those rare occasions when I complained, she had a stock answer:  “If you learn to obey your Dad and me, you will know how to submit to the Lord, son.”

Joking aside, submission is an important quality in the life of a disciple of Christ.  The Bible says, "We have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!”  The passage is about the love of a father for his son that causes him to do shape that boy’s life through lessons that are hard at the time. Such direction is not just about ‘power and control.’  It’s about producing a quality of character. Real discipline is a sign of love.  Read on, “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:9-11, NIV)

The key difference between ‘control’ and ‘direction’ is the attitude in which the request is made. If a person makes demands of others based purely on his own preferences  or to serve his own comfort, that one is likely to slide into controlling behaviors.  If a person lacks a sense of self-worth or lives with many fears, he/she is likely to use intimidation, manipulation, or other controlling behaviors to make those around him do what he wants done, not because it is his responsibility nor because it is best for all concerned, but just because he needs to be ‘in control.’   Though I joked about it in the opening paragraph, it is a real issue.  God asks for complete submission from us, not because He is tyrannical, but because He desires to lead us to maximum joy and effectiveness.  Even as we pray for faith to trust Him more, we make the choice to accept His place as Lord.   Remember, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." (James 4:6-7, NIV)

Several times in the Old Testament, God called His people a name I pray He never has to assign to me;  “stiff-necked.”  What a descriptive term!  When He tried to lead them, they rigidly resisted Him. He wanted to take them to a place of blessings, but could not because they thought they could do it on their own terms.  "Go up to the land flowing with milk and honey. But I will not go with you, because you are a stiff-necked people and I might destroy you on the way.” (Exodus 33:3, NIV)  How I pray that in place of a stiff neck, He will find bent knees and a bowed head.

Are you wrestling with God for control of your life?

Are you complaining about the way He is leading?

Are you arguing with Him?

Just say, “Yes, Lord.”   Tell Him that you need faith to believe in His goodness and grace to accept His authority.  Then, live in ‘righteousness and peace.’

Here’s a word from the Word. "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7, NLT)

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Give Us Clean Hands

We bow our hearts, we bend our knees.

Oh Spirit, come make us humble.

We turn our eyes from evil things.

Oh Lord, we cast down our idols.

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts;

Let us not lift our souls to another!

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts;

Let us not lift our souls to another!

And oh God let us be a generation that seeks,

That seeks Your face, oh God of Jacob.

And oh God let us be a generation that seeks,

That seeks Your face, oh God of Jacob.

Charlie Hall

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