Afraid to be alone?

Afraid of Being Alone?

Our networked era keeps us ‘in touch’ almost constantly. Twitter tweets, Facebook updates, and text messages follow us 24/7!  Many work in small cubicles, not private offices. Our churches press us to form relationships and get in a group.  In our worship gatherings, we are seldom encouraged to retreat into silence. Instead, we are urged to “greet somebody and tell them you’re glad they came to worship with you today.”   All of this relating can condition us to fear being alone.   If we desire spiritual depth, we will learn to retreat, to be alone.  Loneliness or social isolation is not the same as choosing to be alone.  The former are tragic results of sin; the latter a choice for growth!

The Gospels tell us that "Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." (Luke 5:16, NIV)  At the beginning of His public ministry, there is this mysterious record: "Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil." (Matthew 4:1, NIV) God intentionally led His Son to be alone where He would face tests that would strengthen His faith. We are to be like Him. Are you finding times to be truly alone;  listening, learning, growing?  

When are alone many thoughts that we keep safely hidden away make their way into our consciousness. Self-doubt arises and we wonder if we are up to the task of parenting, doing our job effectively, or even of being the Christian God desires.  We may find temptation rising in us when the external noise of our lives is turned down. It can frightening to be confronted by thoughts rooted in our baser human nature!  We wonder, “is that really me? Could I be that cruel or selfish?”   On the positive side, aloneness allows us to discover the richness of the Spirit.  His voice, often obscured by the incessant chatter of everyday life, emerges as we come to the quiet.  Inspiration emerges, creativity blossoms, insight dawns.

In The Celebration of Discipline,  a book that was foundational in my Christian experience, Richard Foster writes about the tumult of our lives.  He says that “Our Adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry and crowds. If he can keep us engaged in ‘muchness’ and ‘manyness,’ he will rest satisfied.”  How true.  Modern Christians have little understanding of the practice of contemplative prayer, where the aim is to listen not to speak.  He urges meditation as a way to enter into silence and aloneness.  No, it is not the meditation of the guru who calls us to empty our minds. It is rather entry into the Presence of God.  Richard Foster puts it this way: "In the discipline of meditation we are not so much acting as we are opening ourselves to be acted upon. We invite the Holy Spirit to come and work within us – teaching, cleansing, comforting, and rebuking. We also surround ourselves with the strong light of Christ to protect us from any influences not of God."

The Psalm teaches us to "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." (Psalm 37:7, NIV)  The Hebrew word that is translated as “still”  in that passage means to be silent, to be dumb (without speech).  In our silence, we do not despair. We wait and listen.  It’s a command we need to follow.  In yet another Psalm we read  “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  (Psalm 46:10, NIV)  Here the Hebrew is different.  It urges us to relax, literally to ‘sink down,’  to retreat from effort!  Once again, the follow up is not falling asleep,  but becoming aware of the Presence of God.

Do you fear aloneness? I understand!  One of the more difficult, yet memorable, weeks of my life was spent in silent retreat at a monastery. I had anticipated a time of restful renewal, but in the aloneness and quiet, I was confronted by all manner of inner thoughts. I learned that God is greater, that His Spirit speaks in the quiet as well as in joyful noise.  May you be willing to enter into quietness and wait patiently, knowing that He will be exalted.

Here’s a word from the Word. Take the hope it promises.  "So when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your benefit and salvation! For when God comforts us, it is so that we, in turn, can be an encouragement to you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in suffering, you will also share God’s comfort. I think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and completely overwhelmed, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we learned not to rely on ourselves, but on God who can raise the dead. And he did deliver us from mortal danger. And we are confident that he will continue to deliver us." (2 Corinthians 1:6-10, NLT)

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As the deer panteth for the water

So my soul longeth after Thee

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship Thee

I want You more than gold

Or silver

Only You can satisfy

You alone are the real joygiver

And the apple of my eye

You alone are my strength my shield

To You alone may my spirit yield

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship Thee

As The Deer

Martin Nystrom

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