Be quiet and hold my hand

My Mom, who is critically ill, called me to her bedside at 2:30 am.  She was feeling anxious in her illness, the darkness of morning’s small hours bringing on an acute sense of loneliness. “Don’t leave me,” she whispered. So, I stayed with her, holding her hand.  No words were necessary. Several years ago a young man died suddenly. His family called me to come. I found his father kneeling by his body silently crying, in profound grief, so I stood next to him with a hand on his shoulder for a long time. It would have been an offense to try to offer explanations, to quote Scripture. He just needed me to be there, giving a silent message; “I will steady you; you’re not alone.”  It’s called the ‘ministry of presence.’ 

There are times when words, even those of good intentions and from the heart, can be offensive or irritating to the one who is grieving or suffering. There is a time for wise counsel or comforting words, but often we minister best simply by being available, by demonstrating love rather than professing it! Job’s suffering was terrible- lost family, lost fortune, lost health. As he sat in the ashes, with a broken heart and aching body his friends came to be with him. We read that "When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was." (Job 2:12-13, NIV)  Then, like so many of us when we are confronted with great pain, they felt the need to try to rationalize it. In the end they made two great mistakes: they blamed Job for his plight, saying that surely he must have brought it on himself. And they declared that God was punishing him.

Our ministry of presence finds a model in the Holy Spirit Who comforts us. When Jesus returned to the Father’s glory, He said that He would send the “Counselor.”  “You will not be left as orphans,” the Lord promised. The Spirit is with us. The question is, ‘are we with Him?’  The Psalmist exults: "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." (Psalm 139:7-10, NIV)

Disciple, learn the ministry of Presence! Know when to speak and when to keep silent. When you find yourself alongside of one who is in a rough place, refrain from using clichés that dismiss their pain. By your very presence offer loving assurance. A simple, heart-felt “I’m praying for you,” is often the best expression of caring.

__________________

Tomorrow morning if you wake up,

And the sun does not appear,

I, I will be here.

If in the dark

We lose sight of love,

Hold my hand and have no fear,

'Cause I, I will be here.

I will be here

When you feel like being quiet,

When you need to speak your mind,

I will listen.

And I will be here

When the laughter turns to cryin',

Through the winning, losing and trying,

We'll be together, I will be here.

I Will Be Here

Chapman, Steven Curtis

EMI Christian Music Publishing

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