A report published in 2002 by the CDC (Center for Disease Control), an agency of the US Department of Health and Human Services contains this statement. “Compared with unmarried people, married men and women tend to have lower mortality, less risky behavior, more monitoring of health, more compliance with medical regimens, higher sexual frequency, more satisfaction with their sexual lives, more savings, and higher wages.” Marriage helps us live longer, enjoy better sex, and be prosperous and yet, fewer are marrying today. Why? Because what passes for marriage in far too many cases is nothing like what it ought to be. In place of a covenanted, committed relationship, we find economic partnership, oppression, and endless power struggles. The result is a high divorce rate which produces a unique kind of ongoing pain for all involved.
Divorce, according to the same study, not only almost always has a significant economic impact, it also becomes an important predictor of a child’s future well-being. “Children raised in single-parent families are more likely to drop out of high school, have lower grades and attendance while in school, and are less likely to attend and graduate from college than children raised in two-parent families. They are more likely to be out of school and unemployed and are also more likely to become single parents themselves, than children raised in two-parent families.” (Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the United States – CDC, July, 2002)
Throughout my 32 year long ministry as a Pastor, marriage trouble is the primary reason that people seek my counsel. People with a dysfunctional marriage are truly miserable, dealing with anger, disappointment, and frustration on a daily basis. Creating an intimate and happy marriage is not rocket science, but it does require emotional maturity and spiritual sensitivity, which appear to be in ever shorter supply. When one spouse loses sight of the goal of serving the other, trouble is soon to follow. When either begins to flex their power in the relationship (be it physical, sexual, financial, or emotional) love quickly withers. A satisfying marriage is nothing like the portrayal of it in pop culture. Good marriages do not happen. They are created and maintained by committed people who subjugate their selfish whims to seek the good of the relationship.
The Bible speaks directly to issues of marriage with wisdom that is often rejected as dated or impractical. Truthfully, it is a solid wisdom but what we read requires the cooperation and investment of both the husband and wife to realize the full return of obedience. Take a look. "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly." (Colossians 3:18-19, NLT) Yes, I know, 21st century women are ready to stop reading now. “Submit” is one of those words in the Bible that is terribly misused and misunderstood. It is not about being inferior. It is about following. Christ is the Second Person in the Holy Trinity, but He is equal with God, the Father. He chooses His place in that mysterious Being. Marriage creates a unity and within that unity, the wife, though equal in every way with her husband, chooses to follow. Husband, never forget- it is the responsibility of those entrusted with headship to become ‘servant leaders’ of the home! Once again, we are directed to the model of Christ, who “loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25, NIV)
Marriage partners who want to enjoy a life-long, growing, emotionally satisfying relationship must surrender large chunks of autonomy. Simply put, for those who are married, “me” exists less and less and “we” becomes foremost! The Word urges all disciples to a life of unselfish service. This is particularly important for those who are married. Here’s what God says. "Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human!" (Philippians 2:4-7, The Message) This wisdom flies in the face of our individualistic ideals and our belief that our personal happiness requires self-expression above all things.
High on the list of priorities for the church of Christ in America, must be a renewed emphasis on the home and family. Our faith must ‘work’ at home. It must inform the way we form our marriage relationship as well as the ways we maintain it. Not all will marry, nor should they think they must to find happiness. Those who do, however, must know that marriage is more than a means of bearing children or sharing the expenses of a home. It is, ideally, a living example of love in action, of God’s love for and intimacy with His people. When our homes are full of God’s grace, when we mutually seek to serve God and each other, we create the possibility of something unique and amazing to come into being.
Lord God, help us to love, to serve, to endure the hard times, and to know the blessed times. Amen!
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