The Elder Brother Syndrome

Tim Keller, pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City, wrote a masterful little book, The Prodigal God, about one of the most famous stories that Jesus told. Chapter 4 in the book, which he titles, “Redefining Lostness” is an arresting essay. As we say, “It hit me right between the eyes!” Keller reminds us that there are two sinners in the story!

Jesus story is recorded in Luke 15. It is about 2 sons and their father. The younger son arrogantly tells his dad, in so many words, to drop dead and give him his inheritance money. Dad liquidates some of his assets and hands a fortune over to this son, who promptly heads off for the city where he wastes it all on ‘riotous living!’ In short order, he is destitute, broken, and in despair. Meanwhile, the older son stays home and keeps working, an admirable person of morality and devotion. Dad defies common expectations and continues to love his lost younger son, looking and hoping for the day when he might return home. Over time, the elder brother grows contemptuous of his father in his own way, each day feeding his pride about what a good son he is compared to that worthless piece of humanity who caused Dad so much pain. He hopes that his father will forget about his brother and reward him for all of his goodness! What he increasingly fails to understand is the meaning of love!

When the younger brother finally shows up, his Dad throws a grand welcome party. The elder brother goes crazy with rage. “He stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen. The son said, ‘Look how many years I’ve stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!’ " (Luke 15:28-30, The Message) In that moment, his own alienation from his father, carefully concealed for years, becomes evident.

Keller points out several traits of elder brother syndrome.

First is entitlement. “I deserve to be blessed,” they think. “Elders brothers expect their goodness to pay off, and if it doesn’t, there is confusion and rage.”

Second is superiority. Keller observes, “Elder brothers base their self-image on being hard working, or moral, or extremely smart and savvy. … they fall into a self-salvation project … and believe that God favors them because of their doctrine, ethical behavior, or ways of worship.”

Third is a joyless, fear-based compliance. They are obedient, but not for delight. The ‘slavish, joyless drudgery’ becomes a fastidious commitment to the letter of the law. Keller writes: “Elders brothers do good to others but not out of delight in the deeds themselves or for the love of people or the pleasure of God. They are not really feeding the hungry and clothing the poor, they are feeding and clothing themselves.”

Fourth is lack of assurance. Keller points out that, “There is no dancing or festiveness about the elder brother’s relationship to his father.” Applying the truth to us, he goes on to say: “As long as you are trying to earn your salvation by controlling God through goodness, you will never be sure you have been good enough for Him. You simply aren’t sure God loves and delights in you.”

The Elder Brother Syndrome is a hazard of religiosity! The devil cares little whether our self-love is expressed through contempt for God’s will that leads us to wild living in the world or through carefully controlled lives in which we take great pride, creating a self-salvation that eliminate our appreciation of our Father’s love and grace. Either way, the Deceiver has achieved his desire of cutting us off from our Father’s outrageous love!

Are you afflicted with the sin of the elder brother?
Do you recognize the lostness of the prodigal son but fail to see the lostness of the ‘good son’ whose pride is equally sinful?

The elder brother refused his Dad’s invitation to the party, preferring to sulk outside the house, nursing his offended sense of propriety. “It just isn’t fair,” he whined. And, so he missed the opportunity to experience his father’s love. Will you… will I prefer to sit in the darkness of our own religiosity while the son we judge enjoy Dad’s wonderful love? That is a question worth pondering! True grace is scandalous. God reserves the right to love as He chooses, not as we expect Him to.

Here’s a passage to take with you through this day. Let the truth of this word from the Word sink deep, washing out both the sin of rebellion and the sin of religious pride, drawing you near to the Father’s heart where there is love, joy, and peace in amazing measure.
“Immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah. Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus.
Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving.
He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing " (Ephesians 2:4-10, The Message)
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How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His only Son,
To make a wretch His treasure!
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away,
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.

Behold the man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders.
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished.
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything;
No gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ;
His death and resurrection!
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom!

How Deep The Father's Love For Us
Stuart Townsend Copyright 1995 Thankyou Music (Admin. by EMI Christian Music Publishing)