The Importance of "No"

From the earliest moments of our lives we are conditioned to be agreeable, to want to make other people happy. A child is seldom rewarded for saying, "No, Mommy, I don't want to do that!" That same child receives all kinds of positive strokes when he does what he is told to do and more. The same is true of big people, too. In my pastoral work I cannot remember a time when someone sincerely said, "Pastor, thank you for telling me, 'no.' I needed face up to the fact that it is my responsibility." But I can tell you about countless times when people expressed their appreciation when I did what they should have been doing.

It is hard to admit, but I am an approval junkie. I'll march straight into total exhaustion if it will allow me to bask in the sweet warmth of the approval of others. This past Saturday morning, I was at church, on a ladder, changing light bulbs! Did anyone in the church expect me to do that? Of course not. Was it even a good use of my time on a morning when I needed to be reviewing my Sunday sermon and spending time with the Lord? Probably not. But I did it anyway, because it was easier to just do it myself than to make sure that somebody else got it done! And, (this is embarrassing to say but confession is good) I feel terribly righteous when I'm doing those 'servant' things! (Jeremiah surely spoke the truth when he talked of the "deceitfulness of the human heart," didn't he?)

The truth is that knowing when and how to say 'no' is just as important as being responsible, flexible, and willing to serve. Why?

First, we serve best when we serve in ways that God calls us to serve!
I know that He has called me to teach and preach. When I am using the spiritual gifts He has invested in me to do those things, I feel passion and real joy. I may get tired but I am renewed as well. Other people - time and again- tell me of ways that my teaching or preaching brings them insight or spiritual growth. When Believers are serving where God has called and equipped them to serve, they need little in the way of motivation. They are actually renewed by pouring on the effort. They often make other people want to do what they do, because they have so much fun doing it.

Second, we rob another of a blessing when we do what they should be doing!
This isn't just a spiritual principle. It is true in so many ways. Parents who do what their kids should be doing, fail to prepare them for life, and set those kids up for failure as adults. Anyone who has been a parent knows how hard it can be to get a kid to make his bed, take out the garbage, or do his own homework without complaining. It is easier to do these things for them, but... every time we do, they lose. Short term convenience for us produces long term disability in them! Every Believer has a place of service in the Body of Christ. Those who are mature need to encourage those who are younger in the Lord to develop skills and gifts in service. Will the 'newbie' do it as well as the mature? Not likely, at first anyway. Will it be efficient to mentor a younger Believer? Of course not. It would be quicker to just do the job ourselves. But think of what happens to the next generation if we fail to give them opportunities to serve by just doing it ourselves? We are most lovingly when we insist that they step up to responsibility even when they do not feel like serving.

Third, we risk becoming burnt-out drones when we serve people rather than God!
More than a few Believers who were once full of the joy of the Lord and passionate about His kingdom, are now just doing their ministry and the ministry of three other people with a grim determination. They don't excite anybody or inspire others, but they get the job done. We admire their grit, often recognize their efforts with awards and/or applause; but we wonder, "why are they so unhappy?" The sad fact is that many are serving people not God! They have lost sight of the Biblical teaching about being spiritually gifted and called. Now they are just 'working their way to Heaven.'

There is this caveat. There are times when the job just must be done, and it right there in front of us, so we do it. I hope you don't read this and decide that you will only do what you feel passionate about doing or only what God specifically calls you to do. I pick up garbage I see in the church's parking lot because I can! God doesn't need to speak to me and say, "Jerry, retrieve that discarded bottle and put it in the trash!" Humble service is a universal calling! The Words says, "Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human!" (Philippians 2:5-7, The Message)

Are you exhausted, critical, miserable, and mean?
Just maybe you need to learn how to use a little word, "No." Go ahead, practice saying it out loud, "I appreciate that you think so much of me that you would ask, but I have to say, 'No' today." If you're an approval addict like me it will be very, very hard to let those words pass your lips. You will feel guilty and wonder if you're a really bad person. You will be tempted to check back a couple of days later to see if anyone has taken on the job yet.

Have a servant's heart! Be ready to do anything, but watch the motive.
First, do what God calls you to do.
Second, do what you do for Him, not to earn the approval of others, no matter how good it feels.
And, third, remember that your refusal may become someone's opportunity.

"It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows." (Galatians 5:13, The Message)