Thinking; I've been doing a lot of that this week. My Dad is hospitalized after major surgery. Mom takes the night shift and I spend each day with him at the hospital- monitoring his care, helping him with the necessary stuff, talking about life, and watching him sleep. Life has come to a kind of standstill - a time to wait. Usually I live at a fast pace all day long, with my mind in high gear, dealing with people needs, church management, and in preparation to speak or teach.
But, last Monday, I left that all behind for a week to focus on my Dad. "Lord," I prayed, "I just want to offer him the gift of myself completely, my full attention, my love." At first, I was bored. Then, I felt anxious about work going undone. Then, with God's help I chose to relax 'into' the situation! I'm not in charge - of his illness, of his life, of the schedule; of much of anything this week. So, I think- mostly about God, life, choices, and mortality. Today I spent time while he napped pondering my value system. "Jerry, what are you spending your days to gain? When you're the guy in the hospital bed, will you be looking for the rewind button, full of regrets or will you be at peace?"
The default setting for Americans is one that reads - 'spend your life to get things.' We are programmed to get an education, choose a career, and start to work to create a stream of income so we can buy stuff. There is a promise implied in the "American Dream" that goes like this: "If you get more stuff, you will enjoy a better and happier life." To a limited degree, it works. It's nice to have enough money to buy the car we want, rather than just the one we need. Having a bigger house than we actually can live in is as American as apple pie! We heat and maintain 3,000 square feet of house and then actually spend 90% of our time in three rooms - kitchen, bedroom, and living room. The more stuff we have, the more money it takes to keep it all in good repair, insured, and safe. The bargain with the Devil is that now, as a result of our acquisitive ways, we have less time to enjoy the stuff we can afford; but, we keep buying. It's a fool's game. Many of us are certain that 'if we had more,' we would have a better life. I am not making a case for poverty here! God doesn't either. He does tell us that life's meaning can never be found in a bigger pile of stuff! "Life is not defined by what you have, even if you have a lot!" Luke 12.18 The Message
And, then there is this which has become a lot more clear to me this week: even if we do a great job in getting it, keeping it, and piling it higher - someday we will leave it all behind. The government and our kids will divide the pile and what nobody wants will end up at the Salvation Army or on the curb!
What if we focused on an entirely different goal - becoming somebody! No, not in the sense of fame or celebrity. What if we determined that the measure of a good day was not the size of the deal we closed, the hours we put on the clock for our paycheck, but by the ways we helped another person feel the love of God. That will not happen unless we radically accept God's love for ourselves, becoming centered and satisfied in Him, made emotionally whole, forgiven of our sins, and freed from the tyranny of ego! That's the sense in which I mention - becoming somebody. And, we continue - becoming - as God leads us on.
The most basic choice of this kind of life is one that goes against conventional wisdom. In the natural world being somebody means gaining influence, resources, and control. In God's wisdom, becoming a real somebody requires surrender! John Ortberg writes that "surrender is not passivity nor abdication. It is saying yes to God and life each day. It is accepting the gifts He has given to me - my body, my mind, my biorhythms, my energy. It is letting go of my envy or desire for what He has given to someone else. It is letting go of outcomes... Surrender is accepting reality ... the ultimate reality: I am a ceaseless being with an eternal destiny in God's great universe." {When the Game Is Over, It All Goes Back Into the Box, 2007, Zondervan} It is, he says, the profound realization that I am not master of the game, Another is.
The depth of our surrender to Him directly effects the extent to which He is able to use us in His purpose of building the Kingdom of God - here and for eternity. Jesus says it most succinctly - "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it." (Mark 8:34-35, NLT)
What would life look like if instead of working to impress others, instead of building a network of power to defend our rights, instead of measuring ourselves by our ability to make situations fit into our expectations - we started each day by placing ourselves at God's disposal with no expectation other than to find the joy of obedience?
Might it mean that we would be as eager to stop and talk to the lonely old man at Dunkin' Donuts as we would be to try to capture the attention of an important man who passed by?
Might it mean that we took more of an interest in what our kids thought than the grades on their tests?
Might it mean that we would encourage our spouse to respond to God's leading instead of worrying about whether we were getting enough of her attention?
Might it mean that in place of lists of our demands that He make our lives easier we would pray conversationally with God, all day long, waiting to discover His will?
I hope this week is one that God uses to chisel another piece of Christlikeness into my life! Surrender, letting go, discovering the adventure of His purposes. I want, by the grace of God and the help of the Spirit, to live as a becomer, for the glory of God.
How about you?
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