Living in Shame?

Tim Blixseth, a 57 year old billionaire, used the shame of his childhood poverty as motivation. As he sat in his French mansion surrounded by opulence, he recalled being 5 years old in the welfare lunch line at his school. He said that it was then and there he determined that he would do whatever he needed to do to get money and escape those feelings of inferiority. (20/20, abcnews.go.com)

Shame can serve a positive purpose. There is a place for shame in this world. When we are selfish, cruel, dishonest, or crude - we need to feel the sense of diminished worth, the pain of the soul, that signals a need for change. That is shame. If shame motivates to examine ourselves and work on becoming a better person, it serves a valuable purpose.

But, shame can be toxic, too.

A woman who feels worthless because her appearance does not match the idealized cultural standard of beauty and consequently develops an eating disorder is not helped by shame!

A man who struggles with sexual desire and who hides his feelings, becoming more and more enslaved by his lust, is not helped by his shame.

A Believer who wrestles with some habitual sin and who chooses, because of shame, to conceal his behavior is increasingly enslaved.

Parents who use shaming as a primary disciplinary tool are making a grave mistake! Holding a child up to ridicule, carping on a character flaw, or criticizing behavior in a way that diminishes his sense of self-worth is very destructive. If you tell a little person he is worthless long enough, he will learn to believe it and most likely will treat himself like a piece of junk! I counseled with a woman several years ago who hated anything that made her feel attractive. As we explored the roots of those feelings, she told about her adolescence, as her body began to develop. She liked being pretty, but her father seeing her beauty, repeatedly called her a whore or a filthy tramp. Most likely he was projecting his own feelings of shame about his sexuality onto her. His tirades left deep emotional scars.

A constant feeling of shame and/or inferiority leads to all kinds of dysfunctional behavior; yes, even to sinful and self-destructive choices. The glory of the Gospel of Christ is that in Him, we find a true release from shame! It is tragic when Christianity is turned inside out and made into a tool of shaming and condemning. When the Bible is used like a club to beat sinners with guilt and to drive them deeper into despair, it makes me furious. Jesus Christ came into a world that was full of darkness and sin, and became the Light of True Righteousness. No longer did the shamed guilty person feel that his only choice was to hide his sin, to pretend, or to cover over his sins with good works, pleasure, or gaining notoriety. He could be forgiven and set free! Jesus came to find the sinful and to offer forgiveness for our sins, and to give us the Spirit who sets us free to live a new life! "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life." (John 8:12, NLT)

Can you see the old way of shame contrasted with His way in this story?
"The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?"
They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt. Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?" "No one, Master." "Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin." (John 8:3-11, The Message)

And this is the same Jesus who loves you and me, Believer! He sees us not just for what we have done, but for who we can become in Him. He does not excuse our sins and failures, He forgives them and sends us off to live a wholly new life. The Cross is for us both a symbol of terrible shame and tremendous glory, for there the worst of sin met the amazing grace of God. The Scripture tells us "You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross." (Colossians 2:13-15, NLT)

Are you living in shame?
There is no need to stay there any longer.
The One who knows you best, loves you most!
________________

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross;
The emblem of suffering and shame.
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best,
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

Oh, that old rugged cross, So despised by the world,
Has a wondrous attraction for me;
For the dear Lamb of God, Left His glory above,
To bear it to dark Calvary.

In the old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see;
For 'twas on that old cross, Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.

The Old Rugged Cross
George Bennard © Public Domain / 1913 George Bennard Renewed 1941 The Rodeheaver Company
CCLI License No. 810055