One of the hazards of leadership is criticism. It doesn't matter if you're leading a Little League team or the United States of America. If you're making decisions, somebody is going to think you made them in the wrong way! Donald Rumsfield, the Defense Secretary who is a primary architect of the war in Iraq and a lightning rod for criticism, said "I am truly saddened by the thought that anyone could have the impression that I or others here are doing anything other than working urgently to see that the lives of the fighting men and women are protected and cared for in everyway humanly possible." In his public position, he knows that he will be criticized, that people without the same kind of information he has, will form conclusions about the way he carries out his responsibilities.
The fact is that leaders are human. Sometimes they do a better job than other times! Sometimes they disappoint us and sometimes they delight us. Speaking as one who leads, the most frustrating thing about the criticism that comes my way is when it comes from the critic's own frustration or failure to grasp the full dimension of issues involved. If, as a pastor, I take action that is wrong and someone points out that I've made a error in judgment, that is valuable criticism. If, on the other hand, I simply do not or cannot respond to the desires of someone and therefore they choose to become a critic, I find that that kind of criticism much harder to deal with.
Kevin Offner, in the Student Leadership Journal, published by IVP, offers the following advice to those who are ready to become a critic. Let me urge you to read his advice carefully today. It could transform your relationship with someone who you're about to make into a target of criticism.
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Here are five changes I believe critical people need to make.
First, we must have our spiritual eyes opened to see two truths: the heinous depth of our own sin and the amazing grace of God’s love toward us in Christ. Spiritual sight is not something we can will. God must give it. But we can cry out to Him for it. “Lord, would You open my eyes to see myself soberly and to know Your love more intimately?” We desperately need to feel the weight of our own sin and then to cast ourselves upon God’s grace. No mere head knowledge, here. “Wash your hands, you sinners. . . . Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief” (Jas. 4:8–9, NLT). When King David’s blind eyes were finally opened to his sin with Bathsheba and Uriah, he didn't merely acknowledge it in some academic, emotionally removed way. He fell on his face and fasted for days (2 Sam. 12:16)!
Second, we must be deeply convinced that we can never know with certainty another person’s motives. Yes, we can see actions, and clearly sinful actions need to be confronted. But we must catch ourselves when we hurriedly, often unconsciously, make that jump from He did this to He is obviously acting from pride (or insecurity or revenge, etc.). There are so many factors beyond our knowledge that motivate another’s actions. Only God sees the heart, and only His judgment will be 100 percent accurate and fair. Now, perceptive people will hear this admonition yet still secretly think, Well, yes, but you see, I really do know why this person does what she does. Sometimes we are right. But we must remember that we may very well be wrong.
Third, when we’re bothered by another’s actions, we must pray fervently for that person and our response to him or her. What would happen if we channeled all our critical energy into a running dialogue with that person’s (and our) Creator?
Fourth, we must learn to be diplomatic and direct in confronting people one on one. No fake smiles, no repression of negative feelings, but instead, direct, tactful communication. Our goal is not to blast people or to inform them of all their hidden character flaws. Rather, our goals are God’s glory and the reconciliation of broken relationships. Recently I talked with the student I described earlier regarding her critical spirit. “I feel I need to tell you something. Yet I’m hesitant to do it for fear of losing your friendship. For the last several times I've been with you, you have spoken critically of something either the group or I have done. There’s often much truth in what you say, but I find myself frequently dragged down by your comments. We need encouragement as well as criticism. I value your friendship, and thus I thought I ought to share this with you.” I'll be honest: she didn't respond as I’d hoped. But I did feel right about being direct and honest rather than nurturing my own critical spirit.
Finally, we need to be encouragers, genuinely building others up and helping them become all God longs for them to be. I want to get excited about making others successful. I can be an encourager in others’ lives, as Barnabas was to Paul. I can trust God to provide encouragement for me as well. I have watched people melt when given a rightly timed, genuinely motivated word of affirmation or gratitude. And I know how empowered I feel when I’m around a genuine encourager.
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It's not always wrong to be a critic, but if you must, be a constructive critic. Always aim to build up others, to discover the Kingdom aim in a given situation.We have a BIG job to do, Believer. Let's not allow sniping at one another to destroy our effectiveness and the joy of working together in His kingdom. Got a 'beef' with someone?Figure out if it's worth discussing. If it's not, shake it off, and let it go into the "sea of forgetfulness!" If it is, then follow the steps to the best outcome.
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Be in worship on Sunday. Come with a prepared heart and mind, ready to hear, ready to worship, ready to receive!
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