Empathy - treating others like you want to be treated

The air in the room was thick with tension. Each side had their defense up, ready to take the advantage at any sign of weakness. And there I sat, in the middle! The issues were real; there was no doubt about that in my mind, but much of the division came from an inability and/or unwillingness of the 'combatants' to see the other guy's point of view. I'm not so naive as to believe that all conflict results from failure to see the other guy's point of view. I think I understand something of the point of view of the militant members of Islam who seek to destroy America, but I don't extend them any comfort in their hatred of the West. They are wrong and misguided in their belief that the best way to advance Islam is through terrorism! I know that many family feuds, many marriage break-ups, many church splits are completely unnecessary; resulting from people shouting so loudly at each other, that they cannot hear what the other side is saying!

Have you ever become so convinced that you know what the other person's position is you just stopping communicating? Yep! I've done it, too. Too quickly we jump to the conclusion without finishing the conversation. As the other person realizes that we are no longer listening, they become more defensive, more insistent. Do we re-connect? Not usually. The increased intensity only causes us to tighten the hatches of our mind and emotions. And, a simple misunderstanding becomes a big fight!

Jesus gives us this wisdom about human relationships -
“Do for others what you would like them to do for you." (Matthew 7:12, NLT)
The Message translation reads - "Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them."

We learned that Golden Rule in Sunday School and forgot it by Monday! Use your imagination for a moment. When you're full of anger - what do you want most from people? Understanding, tolerance, patience... are a few words that come to my mind! The last thing an angry man needs or wants is someone saying, "Calm down! Sit down! Shut up!" That only fuels the fire, doesn't it? Now imagine saying to that angry person, "Tell me about that. What's the problem?" A different outcome becomes possible, doesn't it? Some of you are reading that and thinking - "Pastor, you've lost touch with the real world. That's not how people react." Oh, I know that! I fail to extend that kind of acceptance to others all too frequently myself. But, if we are filled with the Spirit of God, we can change and become catalysts of change! Don't you believe that?

The ability to empathize, to decentralize 'self' in a way that allows for us to step into the other guy's shoes, comes from the Spirit's work. Challenged by the truth, we need FAITH to own it. If we are faithless, we will think - "I've never done that before. I cannot change, for I am who I am." Faith will lead us to pray something like this - "God, I believe that is Your way, that the Word is true. And, Lord I see that my life doesn't align to that truth. I believe You can change me. Work deeply in me." If you really want to be like Jesus, hang on 'cause the ride will be bumpy, often unpleasant, as He prunes away those characteristics of your life that resist His will.

I challenge you to make this truth practical.

• Think of a specific person whose ways you simply do not understand, with whom you consistently differ. Now, pray that Christ will teach you (no, don't pray that they are changed!) to love them, to show genuine empathy. Invite the Spirit to bring about transformation, even at the cost of dying to self.

Peter came up to the Lord and asked, "How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me? Is seven times enough?” Jesus answered: "Not just seven times, but seventy-seven times! " (Matthew 18:21-22, CEV)