"I promise to love"

Brian and Katie are beautiful young adults, full of life and optimism, obviously in love. On Saturday, as I heard them say, "I promise to love... in good time and bad times, in times of plenty as in times of need, in sickness and in health," I bowed my head and prayed, "Give them grace, Lord, they do not know the meaning of the words they are saying." They are mature Believers, apparently emotionally prepared for marriage and committed to each other; but they are living in a society where marriage vows are abandoned at alarming rates that rise to more than 50%! Nothing in life, except their commitment to Jesus Christ, will require more discipline, more selflessness, more prayer, and just plain hard work than building a marriage that is truly intimate, that enjoys real, lasting love and that is a model of Christ's own love for His Bride, the Church.

"Jerry, you don't sound very positive about marriage." Oh, you're so wrong. I believe in marriage, and after 31 years with Bev, have some idea of the joys of a long-lasting relationship that grows and adapts to the demands of life in the real world. However, I also have walked with many men and women through the wreckage of marriages that broke under the pressure of infidelity, immaturity, selfishness, and mis-placed values. So, while I rejoice at weddings, I also pray!

Friend, is your marriage strong, healthy, and a source of joy? There are ways that you can help your relationship grow.

Most important of all, is the submission of self - learning to think in the 'we' mode instead of the 'me' mode! A marriage cannot grow strong where the husband and wife are each grasping for positions of advantage, trying to control each other, or using up their resources (emotional, financial, and spiritual) to feed their own need! A godly husband submits himself to Christ as Lord and, in that humility, earns the privilege of providing servant leadership to his wife, who is herself submitted to Christ. The couple, who as individuals are deeply committed to Christ, has found the key to building a marriage that lasts! The Word says, "you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean..." (Ephesians 5:21-26, NLT)

Jesus shows us the path of humility and invites us to walk on it. The Word teaches us that "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name." (Philippians 2:5-9, NIV) This is not something we can achieve on our own, by our will alone, or with some human technique. Humility of person that lets us serve our Lord and our spouse faithfully, in keeping with those vows "to love, honor, and keep (him) her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others keep only unto (him) her so long as I live" demands the grace of God and the transformational work of the Holy Spirit in us- daily.

Love- it's not just songs of romance, walks on moonlit beaches, and great sex! It's serving, giving, sharing - "We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for (each other.) But if anyone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need and refuses to help—how can God’s love be in that person? Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions." (1 John 3:16-18, NLT)