She came to inquire about getting her children involved in the church. She was concerned about their spiritual care. She had barely opened her mouth when tears filled her eyes. The depth of her emotion startled her. "I didn't think this would happen," she said. For the next 30 minutes, Mary (not her real name) could not stop crying as she told me a story of a priest's abuse of her when she was a child! She told me that she had not been in church for many years, cut off from faith, by the sinful actions of a man who represented God to her. I soon realized that her tears were not flowing from sorrow, but from a rage hidden deep in her heart. I pray that God will allow me to help her to re-discover His love that can secure her soul, and then, hopefully she will be ready to discover the release from her rage and emotional pain that is possible through forgiveness.
During this Holy Season the phrase first announced in the skies over Bethlehem about 'peace on earth' is often heard, and little practiced. In fact, the holiday season often uncovers old wounds, family rivalries, and bitterness that is carefully packed under layers of politeness or denial. The remedy for the pain is found in only one thing -- forgiveness. This is the most costly gift we give to ourselves or offer to another. Forgiveness as an expression of grace. The whole subject stirs up deep emotions, and often not positive ones. Despite the benefits that a person receives when they release another to God with active forgiveness, many people resist taking that step. We love justice (as long as it's for someone else) and usually consider the idea of extending another forgiveness unfair.
People offer all kinds of reasons (and excuses) for not extending forgiveness to someone. I've heard these and many more in the course of offering Pastoral care to my flock.
"But I just can't let her off the hook! She must make things right with me."
"How will he learn the lessons he needs if I forgive him?"
"He hurt me. He must pay!"
The greater truth is that forgiveness is the only thing that breaks the cycle of escalating conflict and ever greater retaliatory measures. The gift of forgiveness is irrational, and yes, unfair by natural reasoning! Grace, by definition is undeserved! God shows us the way in how He treats us. He sent Christ Jesus into the world to bear the burden of justice on our behalf, to take away our sin, so we could be forgiven. The Psalmist sings, "...nor does he deal with us as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our rebellious acts as far away from us as the east is from the west." (Psalm 103:9-12, NLT)
When we forgive, we are like God. His love for us shows us the way. It requires great courage to lay down our grudge, to set aside our rights, and to offer another forgiveness. If we will not forgive, we make ourselves slaves to guilt and bitterness. Unforgiveness hands another person the keys to our heart and allows them to keep us locked into the past.
Here in the weeks prior to Christmas when we celebrate the birth of the One who brought us God's gift of forgiveness - it's time to forgive! Lewis Smedes says, "the only person healed is frequently the forgiver." Don't expect your forgiveness to bring about some miraculous transformation in the one who has offended you. They may actually feel vindicated! Don't expect that forgiveness will lead to reconciliation. The other person may wish to continue in hatred.
Forgiveness is YOUR act, YOUR choice, YOUR gift- to the offender and to YOURSELF! Letting the hurt go, releasing that other person from any debt to you by transferring it to God who judges with ultimate justice, will be one of the most difficult choices you make. It is the right choice.The Lord's Prayer, there is this line- which we pray hopefully with sincerity - "forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us." (Matthew 6:12, NLT) Jesus follows that with this warning - “...there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part." (Matthew 6:14-15, The Message)
Peace on Earth! That is the declaration of the One who came to bring us a message of forgiveness, with all debts paid at His expense.
Let that peace find a way into your heart as you break down every wall, discharge every debt, and forgive those who have trespassed against you. It will make for a Merry Christmas!
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