Friday, June 03, 2005

You want the keys to my life?

When our kids were still home, going through that awfully wonderful time we label 'the teenage years,' halfway 'tween being a child and an adult, I reminded them repeatedly - "Trust is built over time, destroyed in a moment." I didn't expect them to be perfect, knowing full well they were human beings and thus, prone to failure, liable to make some stupid choices, and likely to succumb to peer pressure at least occasionally. (Just like me!) But I did expect them to be honest with me about the good, the bad, and the ugly - so I could trust them. There are some interesting stories about the deposits and withdrawals we all made in the 'trust' account along the way!

Every relationship in our life depends on trust, even more than love! As we interact with others - be they family members, co-workers, or business partners - we are measuring trustworthiness. Even though we love somebody, love alone is not enough to create a climate of cooperation and collaboration. Sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously, we are deciding if we can lower the gate and grant them greater access to our lives. We are making the choice, all the time, determining are they proving themselves worthy of our confidence? There are people in my life that I love wholeheartedly that I would not even let drive my car!

How do we build trust?

1. - We live with integrity.
We don't have hidden agendas or motives. We don't shade the truth to favor ourselves. We admit to our mistakes. Being around people who are deceptive and manipulative is exhausting because we always have to wonder, "What their angle? What are they really trying to do here?" Integrity - that is, being the same inside and out, in reality and appearance, is basic to gaining and keeping the trust of others.
2. - We are humble.
No, not a self-hating worm, but a person who is in touch with his/her strengths and weaknesses, who knows when he needs help and is willing to ask for it. I've occasionally tried to do something that is beyond my training or capability and failed! That failure erodes trust and when I offer to do something the next time, the question hangs in the air - "Can he, or will he mess this task up, too?"
3. - We keep our promises. It is so easy to make a promise. When somebody presses us to do something, even relatively simple, the best way to make them happy is to say, "Oh, sure, I'll do it." So, we are often likely to over-promise and under-deliver. My experience has taught me to generally expect much less from people than they say. It's not because they are morally deficient! It is because in their eagerness to please they over-promise. It is far better to say up-front, "I would like to help you with that, but I don't have the interest to follow through." We trust people who, in Jesus' words, "Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ (Matthew 5:37, NLT)
4. - We are 'other-centered.'
Nobody should trust a person who is selfish. The moment we sense that another is out for his own reputation, serving his own interest, or feathering her own nest- we withdraw our confidence and start to build walls to protect. Only the person who shows real empathy and the capacity to transcend her own interests is trustworthy.

As I told my teenage children years ago, no one lives this way ALL of the time! We fail because we're human. But, if we hope to retain the trust of others, we must own our mistakes. When we realize we have been selfish, dishonest, or egotistical - we must admit it and seek to make it right. If others fail us and we want to be able to trust them - we must speak truthfully to them, despite the possible pain involved!

One of the side-splitting scenes in the film, Meet the Parents, was when the father character, a retired CIA agent, played by Robert DeNiro is explaining the concept of the 'circle of trust' to his future son-in-law, played by Ben Stiller. As we laughed, we also sensed the truth of the concept. What made the movie a comedy was the paranoia of the father who tried to create trust with constant surveillance of the poor guy who was joining his family. Yes, we must, in the immortal words of former President Reagan, "trust and verify," but ultimately trust comes from character, not from enforcement!

I urge you to take a look at your own 'circle of trust' today. See if you're trusting people who are trustworthy. Determine if you are proving yourself a person who is able to be trusted.

And remember, God is seeking faithful people in whom He can invest eternal riches. How does He know those He can trust?
"Anyone who can be trusted in little matters can also be trusted in important matters. But anyone who is dishonest in little matters will be dishonest in important matters. If you cannot be trusted with this wicked wealth, who will trust you with true wealth?And if you cannot be trusted with what belongs to someone else, who will give you something that will be your own? You cannot be the slave of two masters. You will like one more than the other or be more loyal to one than to the other. You cannot serve God and money." (Luke 16:10-13, CEV)
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Thursday, June 02, 2005

The Gift of Encouragement

When I was very young and full of idealism, I found myself in a tough place, far from home and family. Money was in short supply, our baby son was desperately ill, and nothing was going as I had hoped. God brought a man named Tom Johnson, who was not rich nor in the best of circumstances himself, into my life. He consistently poured out encouraging words, matched with sincere concern. God used that man to keep me from giving up on ministry!

There was a conversation with a veteran pastor on a cold November, 1987, morning in a coffee shop in Lancaster, PA that stands as a pivotal moment in my memory. My confidence and faith were shattered by disappointing developments in life. This man offered to listen without criticizing me, prayed with me, and restored my faith in the One who is our Hope and Confidence.

While I was pastoring a church in Massachusetts, a woman named Sherry Mallory was a gift from God whose notes of affirmation seemed to show up on the most difficult days when I was fighting through a bout of depression. She never knew what lifeline she was in that time. How I thank God for the words, gifts, and prayers that have offered to me bringing encouragement at just the right moments!

The Scripture urges us to adopt the work of encouragement as a calling of God. Take a look. "Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near." (Hebrews 10:23-25, NLT)

Though we see the same word "encourage" used twice in that passage, the Greek text (original language of the New Testament) uses differing verbs.

In the first instance, "think of ways to encourage one another" the word is one that has a rather negative implication. One translation says, "provoke" instead of encourage! Another says, "Spur one another on!" Sometimes we need somebody to give us a kick in the seat of the pants, a wake up call. We need to be encouraged not with comfort but with confrontation. Getting in someone's face when they are failing to live up to God's purposes or when they are headed for disaster is a loving act of encouragement that just might irritate them to faithfulness!

In the second instance, the word has more positive implications. In other translations we read it translated as "exhort." We must take note of the needs of those around us and offer words of comfort and consolation, affirmation and hope, like my illustrations above. With genuine empathy, we come alongside of the struggling one to give them our help, infusing them with strength. In so doing, we will help them to remain steady, to stay in the Way with Jesus.

You want to be blessed today? Look for opportunities to encourage. Let others be the critic, you be the one who leads the cheers!
Be sincere in your concern, allowing the Spirit to work through you and watch how others respond. At first they may regard your encouragement with some skepticism because it is such a rare gift. They may think you're trying to manipulate them or use them for your own purposes. But encourage anyway - with honest words, with simple prayers, with affirmation.

Reflect on this passage as you go through this day.
"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, The Message)

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Revealed!

Got any secrets tucked away? Have you done anything that you hope no one knows about, that you hope no one EVER discovers? A woman I know well discovered that her grandfather was married to a woman other than her grandmother when he was a young man. She never knew it until he died! How about something good, some act of beneficence or kindness for which you do not wish any recognition? My own grandfather provided large sums of money to his relatives for higher education, a fact that was only discovered when the family went through his papers after his death.

The media establishment was full of excitement yesterday as a 30 years-old secret finally was revealed. Amazingly, in Washington, DC, a city known for its 'leaks,' the identity of the man whose stories brought down the Nixon administration in 1974 was closely guarded until W. Mark Felt, now 91, decided to tell the world that he was the source of the information about the Watergate cover-up; a high level conspiracy cooked up in the White House to conceal a third-rate crime. No one knows exactly why he chose to tell his story now. Was it to relieve a guilty conscience for betraying the trust of many who called him a friend? Was it to revel in the national media attention he will receive for a few days? Was it to sell a book? Perhaps that's one secret he won't reveal! This much is sure, Mr. Felt actions are being examined with responses that range from outrage to applause.

Many people whose lives were changed by Felt's actions said that he took the coward's way, giving information he had as the Deputy Director of the FBI to reporters. If he knew the law was being broken, he should have stood up and took the information to a grand jury. I don't know or understand the power politics that shaped that by-gone era, but I know this-- the best way to live is transparently! A person with integrity keeps no secrets. He admits to his failures openly and accepts praise humbly. He chooses to live his life as an open book, accountable for all of his actions. All kinds of sin flourishes where there is a double life. Hidden sins are full of emotional poison like a festering boil.

The Bible promises a moment of revelation! What an experience that will be, when we see ourselves and others for who we really are; when carefully constructed public images are torn away, when privates thoughts and actions are revealed.

Paul explains- "It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don’t even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I’m not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn’t mean much.
The Master makes that judgment. So don’t get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in.
When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the “Well done!” of God."
(1 Corinthians 4:3-5, The Message)

How does that passage make you feel today? Is it a source of terror or comfort? That will depend on the choices we are making right now. None of us will live perfectly. There will be regrettable decisions, moments when ignoble passions take precedence over high aspiration. So does this mean that we will inevitably stand in shame at the final accounting before our Lord? Not necessarily! Here's the good news. If we choose to live with integrity, owning our failures with the same enthusiasm as our successes, admitting our sins as readily as we trumpet our victories, we are forgiven! John tells us that "If we confess our sins, he (God) is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9, NIV) Rob those secrets of their power to keep you enslaved or in fear! Tell God, then find a trustworthy confessor friend and get that secret sin out in the open, forgiven, and robbed of its ability to torment you any longer.

Here's a wonderful passage to take with you today:
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;"
(Psalm 103:8-13, NIV)

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Playing to win?

Many of us live as though life is a contest-a competition to win. As we race through our days, we're looking around; measuring, checking, determining if we are out in front. One definition of success is simply having more- money, power, respect. I watched some little children at a picnic yesterday and was amused at the evidence of this trait even in those 6 or 7 years of age. Though they were not hungry in the least, each wanted to make sure he got the same amount (or more when it came to the ice cream!) than the others! It's not just kids or people in need who compete, either. One of the Rockefellers (one of America's wealthiest families) was asked how much money he wanted to to make. He said, "One more dollar!" His millions were not enough as long as there was more to own.

A generous spirit and a competitive heart cannot co-exist. As Believers we are commanded by our Lord to be giving, generously sharing our love, our resources, our encouragement, our hope with a world in need; but giving away our resources runs counter-intuitive to the natural desire to acquire. In the Scripture there is stern warning about the consequences of allowing a spirit of competition to rule your life. "... if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." (James 3:14-16, NIV)

Let me take something as simple as driving your car as an illustration. Do you drive across town like you're in the Indy 500, tailing the car in front of you, pushing through yellow lights, dodging down side streets looking to find a quicker way? How do you feel when you arrive at your destination? Tired, often irritated, right? It's because you've have turned the experience into a competition, measuring yourself by 'winning' a speedier trip. Will you arrive any more quickly at your destination? Perhaps, by a few moments, but what has that 'win' cost you emotionally?

When we are pushing to win, we always pay a high price, alienating others and even hurting those we say that we love. Again the Scripture's wisdom challenges us-"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want." (James 4:1-2, NIV)

The way to break this need to succeed, this desire to acquire, is to realize that God has all that you need available to you! In the follow-up line to the verse quoted above we read this -"You do not have, because you do not ask God." God is our True Source and He has promised to supply all that we need, if only we ask. Stephen Covey, one of my favorite writers, calls this having an "abundance mentality." He says that we can break out of the competitive life by learning that life is a 'cornucopia of ever enlarging opportunity, resources, and wealth. You don't compare yourself to others and are genuinely happy for their successes.' (The 8th Habit, page 150) If God is our Source, then we don't have to grab our slice of an ever diminishing pie. Instead, we accept according to our need even as we witness God doing the miracle of multiplication, enlarging the pie to meet the need of all who ask!

If you doubt Covey's insight, then take a lesson from Jesus Christ! "If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving—large or small—it will be used to measure what is given back to you." (Luke 6:38, NLT) Don't misunderstand the lesson there. Many twist the principle into a selfish thing -- "I give so I can get!" Wrong conclusion! Generosity results when we learn that life is not a competition, that we are not measured by what we own, the title on our door, or the size of our front yard. We give ourselves away and discover that God provides all we need. Paradoxically, the less we 'need' to own the love of others, the more is given to us.

Let's live generously as we look to God for what we need, accepting what He provides as sufficient for every need of our lives. Then, let's share the wealth- giving away. There is joy waiting to be found when we quit playing the 'success' game!

Monday, May 30, 2005

Memorials for a greater purpose

Today, we remember - lives, mostly of those far too young, taken by bullets and bombs on battlefields around the globe. And we should remember in graphic detail, so that the cost of war is never a light consideration as we allow our political leaders to undertake military missions in the name of 'the people.' In a CNN Presents program aired last night (5/29/05), the first President George Bush mused that his conduct of the Gulf War was affected by his memories of his own war experiences in the Pacific during WW2. He said he could never forget the high cost in suffering to the soldiers and sailors as he ordered our armed services to begin waging war.

Andy Rooney, commentator and curmudgeon, who saw WW2 up close as a war correspondent, observed so wisely on 60 Minutes last night- There is more bravery at war than in peace, and it seems wrong that we have so often saved this virtue to use for our least noble activity - war. The goal of war is to cause death to other people. He went on to say that we speak of our warriors giving their lives when, in reality, their lives are taken from them! So, he concluded, we must never forget - more for our own sake, than for the sake of the dead. We must remember, with honor, those who have died in wars - and we must let their lost lives and their sorrowing kin cause us to seek new ways of resolving human conflict!

One of the Devil's great deceptions is the way he deceives humanity to glorify war! The 'great heroes' in our history books are too often warriors whose greatness is written in blood, ruthless men who were willing to send millions of young soldiers to kill and destroy to advance their agenda of power and conquest. War is never glorious. It is a terrible business with awful goals. I cannot, in this short thought, speak to the issues of the morality of war, or whether war is sometimes a justified response to evil. Greater minds than mine have explored that subject in depth. But I can say, with great conviction, that the Christian should always be prejudiced to peace!

Jesus commended those who seek peace, calling them 'children of God.'
Peter urges us to 'seek peace and pursue it.'
Hebrews, recognizing the limits of peace-making in a world filled with evil, never the less, calls on us to 'make every effort to live in peace with all men.'
In one of his most compelling statement, Jesus says, 'Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. ... If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:39-44, NIV)

We do not dishonor those who have fallen in war by using their deaths as an appeal to peace-making. Those who seek peace whole-heartedly will be mocked as weak or cowardly, but truthfully - who is more brave than the one who stands facing another with a gun and prays for him? What is more courageous than offering forgiveness and absorbing the cost of loss for the sake of destroying hatred?

Today - remember and honor, and pray for peace. Ultimately, peace will come with a new King, who Kingdom is one of perfect justice, equity, and love. How I long for His kingdom, and so I pray, often and with tears - "May your kingdom come and your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven."