Love Like Never Before

“I love you more than ever,” I tell Bev. Her illness draws us together. We cling to each other tightly.  Our prayers mingle along with our tears.  We are open, vulnerable, nothing between us, no hard words tolerated, no resentment left to simmer.  The adversity shifted other responsibilities to lesser levels and she is now my highest priority. She desires me to be there – in the morning when she wakens, through the night at her side. What a paradox that in our suffering and weakness we have found an even deeper love, a sweet tenderness. We cannot afford the luxury of independence from each other. My hope is that when this crisis is past, the new depth of love remains.

While pondering this, the Spirit whispered clearly into my heart: “That is one of the purposes of suffering in your life, Jerry. It allows Me to love you because you prioritize your relationship.”  How true! It is embarrassing to admit, but for these last three weeks, my prayers were much more fervent, my ears more attuned to His voice, my desire for His Presence more intense.  Oh, yes, I get angry, sad beyond words, and even fearful. However, instead of running from Him, in those times, I choose to cry out for Abba’s presence. As promised, there is an accompanying peace that settles over me.  Does God love me more today than He did three weeks ago?  No, but I am more open to Him, more reliant on Him.

The Psalm is my prayer. "Hurry with your answer, God! I’m nearly at the end of my rope. Don’t turn away; don’t ignore me! That would be certain death. If you wake me each morning with the sound of your loving voice, I’ll go to sleep each night trusting in you. Point out the road I must travel; I’m all ears, all eyes before you." (Psalm 143:7-8, The Message) 

Paul found a deeper love for the Lord in times of trial, too. "We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us." (2 Corinthians 1:8-11, NLT)

Suffering can make us bitter or it can break our self-reliance, helping us to lean on the Lord and to love Him. Not every couple that hits a terrible time falls more deeply in love. Some blame, demand, accuse and their relationship fails. Not every Christian discovers a deeper grace. Some become angry with God.  That choice is our to make.  Will we trust and love? If so, we will find love in return.

The word from the Word today.  Meditate on it. "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. Those who desert him will perish, for you destroy those who abandon you. But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do."
(Psalm 73:26-28, NLT)

_________________

How He Loves

He is jealous for me,
loves like a hurricane,

I am a tree

bending beneath

The weight of His wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden I am unaware of

These afflictions eclipsed by glory,

I realize just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

He loves us!

Oh, how He loves us,

Oh, how He loves us,

Oh, how He loves.

We are His portion
and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption

by the grace in His eyes.

If grace is an ocean

we're all sinking,

So Heaven meets earth

Like a sloppy wet kiss,

And my heart turns

violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to

maintain these regrets

When I think about the way that

He loves us!

Oh, how He loves us,

Oh, how He loves us,

Oh, how He loves.

John Mark McMillan

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