Asking people what they want out of life can be interesting - as much for what they do not say as for what they do say! Often our expectations are not consciously defined. Many of us are not aware of a hope, a dream, a desire that is buried deeply in our heart. However, that expectation, from its place in the sub-conscious mind, shapes the way we interact and the emotions we feel about our life, our relationships, even our response to God! A missed expectation creates the emotional equivalent of a toothache, a gnawing pain that has an effect on our whole life.
For example, if a woman who has enjoyed a close and supportive relationship with her father enters into marriage subconsciously thinking, "My husband will be 'just like my Dad,' and he isn't; she will become angry, resenting him without knowing why. If she has not defined those expectations to him or to herself, both will be puzzled about why she is upset. Similarly, if a person becomes a Christ-follower with the undefined expectation that their new-found faith will instantly relieve them of dealing with a troubling habit, they will wonder if their experience is real, or if the Gospel is true, when they do not find the relief they expected. I recently spent some time re-defining my expectations about what it means to be a pastor! Yes, after serving the Lord in paid church positions for nearly 30 years, I needed to think through my expectations of God and the congregation I serve. I found a hidden unrealistic expectation that was having an effect on my life. Defining it and evaluating it in light of the Scripture provided a new freedom from an old source of unhappiness!
Emotionally mature people are self-aware. They know their feelings, understand why those emotions occur, and how to deal with them. Self awareness helps us not to blame others for our responses. Self awareness allows us to deal with real heart needs instead of surface symptoms. Self awareness allows us to admit our weaknesses and live in our strengths.
A key to becoming a self-aware person is becoming a Christ-follower open to the transformational work of the Holy Spirit! Tragically, sometimes Christianity is used like a Band-Aid to cover up pain. Some quote the Scriptures in a superficial way that only buries emotional pain deeper. Certain 'truths' are taught that cause people to hide their real feelings so they can 'look good' as they pretend to be someone they are not. Real spirituality based in an authentic relationship with the Holy Spirit will cause us to 'get real,' to begin to become honest with ourselves and others, and to move into wholeness. Paul says that in churches where the Holy Spirit is invited to be at work, people will meet up with Truth that transforms!
Take a look at this passage: "...if all of you are prophesying (speaking God's truth by the Holy Spirit), and unbelievers or people who don’t understand these things come into your meeting, they will be convicted of sin, and they will be condemned by what you say. As they listen, their secret thoughts will be laid bare, and they will fall down on their knees and worship God, declaring, “God is really here among you.” Well, my brothers and sisters, let’s summarize what I am saying. When you meet, one will sing, another will teach, another will tell some special revelation God has given, one will speak in an unknown language, while another will interpret what is said. But everything that is done must be useful to all and build them up in the Lord." (1 Corinthians 14:24-26, NLT)
In that much-quoted phrase, Jesus promised that 'you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.' Unless we know our hearts, unless we allow the Holy Spirit to poke holes in our self-deceptions, we will never be free! Only God can reveal the contents of our hearts to us, because only He really knows fully. Getting to know ourselves can be a frightening thing. We will discover things about ourselves we don't like, ugly things we will want to quickly bury from sight. But, if we understand the Truth of God's love, shown to us through Christ Jesus, we will face those things, admit them to ourselves and to God, and begin the process of transformation.
What do you want out of life? Do you really know? Are you growing in self-awareness? Here's a promise to meditate on today. "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, ...all reflect the Lord’s glory, ...being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:17-18, NIV)
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