Love and Sex

That there should be boundaries or limits on sex between consenting adults strikes many people as silly. Teens are seldom encouraged to wait until marriage to be sexually active. We might give a little pep talk about ‘waiting,’ but does anybody really expects kids to listen? Instead, we teach them how to avoid pregnancies and disease. Pornography is the guilty pleasure of millions of Americans today: young and old, male and female, Christian and non-Christian alike. Even young kids with smartphones know how to access the raunchiest stuff. A horrified Mom recently told me about the porn she found on the phone of her 12 year-old son. Sadly, he’s not an exception!  Most couples that I marry these days are already living together with no sense that they are doing anything wrong or sinful.

When it comes to sex most are wondering - “What’s the issue here? We’re just enjoying ourselves.” 

Before you decide that this blog is not for you, let me hasten to say that God made sex and He made it pleasurable! There is no way to make Scripture support the idea that ‘sex is dirty and to be avoided at all costs!’  The Song of Solomon is an erotic poem included in the Holy Word that celebrates the pleasure of love. What God did, however, is to create boundaries for sexual enjoyment so that the gift does not enslave, demean, or destroy.

The ugly side of human sexuality is what it does to people when misused. 

Ask any woman was sexually abused what violation that has done to her sense of worth.

Ask any man who was molested how deep the pain goes even decades after the incident. 

Ask a man who has become a slave to porn addiction about the shame he feels after yet another trip through the dark side of the Internet. 

Ask a wife who is married to a man who sees her only as a toy for his pleasure how she feels about herself or her marriage.

God teaches us that sex is not just ‘skin on skin.’ It is spiritual as well as physical. One of the great mysteries in our sexuality is how much it affects our identity, our worth, our health. Consider this wisdom. "You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. …  But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. … Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." (1 Corinthians 6:12-21, NLT)

Sex is not just for reproduction, though obviously that is a prime reason for it.  Sex, in the context of the marriage covenant and expressed in a mutually enjoyable way, builds and sustains intimacy of the deepest kind.  Our culture thinks it is celebrating sexual liberation with all of the explicitly sexual material in entertainment, in discarding the ideal of marital sex. In fact, what is lauded is lust, not sex.  Just as with any appetite fed without restraint, finding pleasure in sex for its own sake requires ever more and different expressions that lead to debauched behaviors.

Are you struggling with guilt or shame over your sexuality, Christian?  Bring this part of your humanity to Christ. Tell him your struggles. Pray about the ways you are tempted, the hurts that have been visited on you by others in past, the sins that still sting your conscience. Humble yourself before Him and accept the wisdom of His Word, regardless of the mockery of the world we live in.   Thank Him for the gift of your sexuality! 

With the help of a mature Christian, begin to live wholly and holy in this area of life. As with any temptation, run from places where you may fall. Resist the Devil!

There is beauty in holiness. It’s true!  And here is the word from the Word - "Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Corinthians 6:9-11, NLT)