Cowards and Confrontation

Cowards and Confrontation

"What do I say to my friend who is wandering spiritually?" Answers are much easier in the abstract than to practice in reality. What do you say to that fellow Christian who starts missing church every other week to sleep in? He says he needs the rest because of all the overtime. Do you speak up to that guy at lunch whose eyes constantly drift to stare at attractive women while you're together? He thinks you're unaware of his roving eye! Do you say anything about the profanity that slips out with increasing frequency? He thinks it's proof of his spiritual liberty.

I confess that I have too often been a coward in this regard. My need to be liked, to not appear judgmental or rude, has sealed my lips. Consider this. Would we be reluctant to say something to a friend who thinking about driving when he was intoxicated? Taking the keys would be a no-brainer! Risking our friend's anger would be well worth keeping him from hurting himself or someone else. But, when it comes to choices that may well have consequences for the rest of his life and perhaps even for eternity, we become cowards, unable to find the words for confrontation.

There is a word in the Bible that many of us avoid like a disease. "Rebuke." This command for church leaders provokes real discomfort- "Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning." (1 Timothy 5:20, NIV) A rebuke is a correction, a sharp reprimand. If we love others, we will do it, for their good and for the sake of Christ's kingdom. And, we will earn the wrath of many otherwise devout Christians who will accuse us of intolerance.

Paul called on the church at Corinth to withdraw fellowship from a man who was living sinfully. "Don't let him sit down at your love feasts," he said. That church was proud of their tolerance, confusing their willingness to let this man go on without confrontation, with genuine love. The apostle told them they were confused about how to show real love. Was allowing the man to increase his own judgment before God really loving? Was allowing his actions to hurt other Christians by influencing them to unholy ways really what the love of Christ was meant to do? "You must throw this man out and hand him over to Satan so that his sinful nature will be destroyed and he himself will be saved on the day the Lord returns. Your boasting about this is terrible. Don't you realize that this sin is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough?" (1 Corinthians 5:5-6, NLT) But the act was always aimed towards correction not exclusion alone. Later on, after this man had turned around, and Paul urged the church to "forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement. So I urge you now to reaffirm your love for him." (2 Corinthians 2:6-8, NLT)

How we confront is an important consideration.  Are we driven by fear or anger? If so, our words will be destructive, harsh, and without the possibility of redemption. If we are driven by love, we will seek the best for our brother, risking his wrath, but always looking for restoration. Oh yes, it's a road full of hazards, particularly in our society that so highly prizes individuality and freedom. "Get out of my face!" is a much more likely response to the most loving rebuke than "Help me to change my heart. Hold me accountable." Then, too, if we are hypocritical, our own sins and failures will either keep us silent or give our erring friend real reason to ignore us. Jesus' oft-quoted parable about the man with the post in his eye trying to take the speck from his brother's eye is misunderstood as a reason not to correct. A closer reading does not bring that conclusion. Jesus' true point was not to stop speaking to others about sin, but rather to get ourselves right with God first! Only then can we speak with integrity. The Word does not urge us to be busy-bodies setting everybody straight, as we think they should live. But, for those we love, those who claim the Name of Christ, we have a great responsibility to encourage them on the Way.

May this word from the Word help us to overcome our fear and to 'speak the Truth in love.'    

"The word of the Lord came to me: "Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: 'When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself.  

But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.' "Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. When I say to the wicked, 'O wicked man, you will surely die,' and you do not speak out to dissuade him from his ways, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood.  

But if you do warn the wicked man to turn from his ways and he does not do so, he will die for his sin, but you will have saved yourself." (Ezekiel 33:1-9, NIV)