So, have you ever been offended? I feel the stir of irritation, from time to time! Sometimes it’s a momentary thing as when a careless driver cuts me off in traffic. At the other extreme, I can remember deep soul wounds that kept me from sleep and even, I confess, provoked thoughts of retaliation. Nursing the anger, unholy thoughts of making the other person pay for what they have done or said take over my mind - temporarily!
Everybody gets angry at someone, sometime. Kids persist in behavior too often requiring correction. Husbands leave the toilet seat up! Neighbors speak angry words over a trivial matter and go on to build fences.
The issue for followers of Christ is not so much will we become offended or even why we get offended. What’s of greatest importance is this - how will I respond when I feel offended?
Scripture’s wisdom teaches us that "The discretion
of a man makes him slow to anger and his glory is to overlook a transgression.
" (Proverbs 19:11, NKJV) A more
modern phrasing sayd "People with good sense restrain their anger; they
earn esteem by overlooking wrongs."
When we face our response of offense honestly and maturely,
we usually will find elements of pride and/or insecurity. Recently,
when I felt offended by another’s words, after the moment passed and I thought
it over, the realization came that I was wondering if I were still up to the task,
if my age was making me less capable. I heard words through a filter that set
me up for offense! Almost always in the offended person there is more than a
small amount of self-love, self-concern; is there? When we get worked up because someone pulls
into that parking slot in front of us, or we when find someone sitting in ‘our’
pew, or because our work does not find the expected appreciation, or … (you can
fill in your own issue here.)
We all
desire to experience respect, to know that we are regarded with worth. That is normal and healthy. A person without good self-esteem becomes
prey, subject to manipulation and abuse. And yet, it is also a fact that if we
gauge our personal worth by measuring the response of other people to us, we
will spend inordinate amounts of time angry or in despair.
Here’s what I know - what we see as a slight, when we are
wounded, most of the time it is not malice in the other person. It is just thoughtless
or pre-occupation with their needs in the moment. Maturity in our emotions and discipleship
brings about an inner strength that allows us to absorb the bumps and bruises
of everyday life, a self-awareness that gives us insight into our own strengths
and weaknesses. A key part of this
serenity is the love of God!
The great message of grace is that God,
because of Jesus' sacrifice for our sins, forgives us, removes our shame and
guilt, and restores our dignity. We, who were broken by sin in ourselves and by
the sins of others, are called 'children of God!' And we are not just
tolerated kids, either. We are His beloved sons and daughters. When we remember
the profound way in which we are loved, anchoring ourselves in this turbulent,
often cruel, world, we can become tender, gentle, and loving. T
his passage is a favorite of mine. "See how very much our heavenly Father
loves us, for he allows us to be called his children, and we really are! But
the people who belong to this world don’t know God, so they don’t understand
that we are his children. Yes, dear friends, we are already God’s children, and
we can’t even imagine what we will be like when Christ returns. But we do know
that when he comes we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is.
And all who believe this will keep themselves pure, just as Christ is
pure." (1 John 3:1-3, NLT)
Here is the kernel of truth about this. The more we are filled with the Spirit of God, the less we will grow offended by others.
John has in mind the need to overcome offense and builds on
God’s love to point the way. "We should love one another. We must not
be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and killed his brother. And why did
he kill him? Because Cain had been doing what was evil, and his brother had
been doing what was right. So don’t be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if
the world hates you. If we love our Christian brothers and sisters, it proves
that we have passed from death to eternal life. But a person who has no love is
still dead. Anyone who hates another Christian is really a murderer at heart. And
you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them. We know what real
love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up
our lives for our Christian brothers and sisters." (1 John 3:11-16,
NLT)
It’s too simple to direct the ‘blame’ for offense outward saying things like - “She just makes me so mad!” or “He just drives me right over the edge!” No, that’s really not true. We are not given the ability to shape another’s actions but we are fully in charge of our own response. Feeling offended? Take God’s grace to heart... really!! And you will find yourself at peace- loved, and therefore, loving.
The word from the Word is two-fold today. First a warning - “An offended brother is
more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates
of a citadel.” Proverbs 18:19 (NIV) Knowing that, here is the call of Christ. “Stop
judging others, and you will not be judged. Stop criticizing others, or it will
all come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven. If you give,
you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down,
shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you
use in giving—large or small—it will be used to measure what is given back to
you.” (Luke 6:37-38, NLT)
So, in a world where there is so much tension, one in which people are constantly offended, let us as the children of God live in peace and pray to become peace-makers. That is a noble and high calling.
____________
(Video of this
blog at this link)
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold
And precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold
Pure gold
Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You my Master
Ready to do Your will
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within
And make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin
Deep within
Brian Doerksen © 1990 Mercy / Vineyard Publishing; Vineyard Songs Canada
CCLI License # 810055
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