As I headed off to a meeting with the Deacons, I asked my wife to pray for me - a simple prayer but an important one: "Lord, give Jerry big ears and a little mouth!" Perhaps it strikes you as a strange construction but I was acknowledging that I needed God's help to listen closely to the conversational flow. I knew that in our meeting we would be talking about some issues on which some of us seemed to have differing ideas. The key to avoiding conflict was to understand the positions of those who share responsibility for leading this Assembly with me. So I wanted to listen -something it is quite easy not to do especially when we feel we need to make our point!
Listening to others is the #1 way we show that we love them. "Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference." - David Oxberg. A very real curse of our busy, highly mobile society is a feeling that millions of people have today - 'I don't matter. My ideas are ignored."
That sense of being marginalized or alone is all too often real particularly for those who hold service positions, who have some kind of physical disability, or who are very young or elderly. Counter clerks in retail establishments tell awful stories about how people treat them as though they were simply an extension of the cash register, not a real person. Disabled persons recount how many speak past them like they are invisible, even talking about them like they can't hear! Little children respond with delight when we bend down to look directly into their face and listen intently to their stories. Why? Because often adults just don't pay much attention to them.
Did you know that the way to find happiness in your marriage is communication? Many couples point to sex, money, or the kids as the challenge in their relationship, but actually it is a failure to understand each other's needs and expectations. A torrent of words is not the same as communication. Genuine communication is a two-way transaction- listening and speaking. A good listener offers a gift that affirms the worth and personhood to the other. Dean Rusk, former U.S. Secretary of State and a Washington, DC power broker, observes - "One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears- by listening to them."
Listening demands our full engagement. Bev, my wife, sometimes says, "Look at me!" during our conversations. She doesn't like talking to the top of my head while I continue to read. Even though I can repeat her words back to her, she wants eye contact, my full attention. Is she just insecure? Of course not. My body language, if I continue to read or work at my computer while she's talking, says - "I'm not really interested in this conversation." I may well be hearing her, but unless I give my full attention to her, I am not actually listening!
Paul directs us to selfless lives, to actively seeking the good of others, and I am convinced that includes learning to have big ears and little mouths!
He writes
"... we cannot just go ahead and ...please ourselves.
We must be considerate of the doubts and fears of those who think these things are wrong.
We should please others. If we do what helps them, we will build them up in the Lord.
For even Christ didn’t please himself. " (Romans 15:1-3, NLT)
Today, let's make it a goal to actively engage with the people around us. Take note of the bent shoulders that might reveal a burdened heart. Look around for the person who has withdrawn to the safety of silence and invite them back into the conversation. When you ask, "how are you?" really pay attention to the person you're speaking to and they might just tell you instead of politely saying, "fine."
And in a real way, if we do this, we will be fulfilling Jesus' command to love others!
"Lord, give us big ears and little mouths.
Help us to learn to love in more than words, with our whole person.
Give us your gentleness, your kindness, your patience so that we will
have many opportunities to share life - even for a few moments-
with those who are alone, afraid, or powerless.
Help us, Jesus, I pray in Your name. Amen."
PS- God answered that prayer and we had a great Deacons' Meeting, filled with good decisions.
We left encouraged and together as a leadership team. Praise God!
Jerry D. Scott, Pastor
www.WashingtonAG.net
908-689-7777
33 Brass Castle Road
Washington, NJ 07882
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