Nearly two years ago on the day after Bev's first surgery,
when we learned the extent of her cancer, I wrote the following blog. It
was the start of the road we knew would be difficult. Thankfully, we had
little clue then just how hard! That road is now ending very soon, it
appears. I read this affirmation of faith and cry for strength this morning
with tears and longing.
I know that my recent writing has been filled with sorrow, but this work is
a reflection my walk with the Lord. In His sovereign will, He has chosen to
let me live with a broken heart in this time. Yet, as Habakkuk
declares, so say I - "yet I will rejoice in the
LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the
heights." (Habakkuk 3:18-19, NIV)
Here are those words from March, 2014. ________________
"No eye is on the sparrow?"
I stood by my wife's bedside in the ICU last night, feeling
more helpless than at any time I can remember. She was in surgery for
most of the day, while I sat on a chair twiddling my thumbs! I can't
heal her, I can't even hug her right now. Before they chased me out,
I bent over her still frame, pressed my cheek against her's and asked our
Abba to keep us at peace, to heal and restore. I thought of the hymn
that says, "Under His wings, I am safely abiding, though the night
deepens, and tempests are wild." My mind wrestled with that
thought. I love it, but I do not feel very safe today!
Joan Didion wrote The Year of Magical
Thinking in which she tells the horrific story of the
grief she experienced when both her beloved husband and her daughter died
quite unexpectedly. The title comes from her attempts to keep them
"alive," by refusing to face the truth. Denial offers us a
temporary refuge. The last line in the book breaks my heart - "No eye is on the sparrow." She concludes that
our attempts to make sense of life with faith, that believing in God's
care, are just choices we make to avoid sliding into despair; nice, but
untrue, nothing but magical thinking.
I have to say, "Ms. Didion, you are simply
wrong." Yes, there are some Christians who indulge in magical
thinking and call it faith. Some persist in the foolishness of
thinking that by saying prayers like magic incantations they will a pass
from the sorrows of life from God. Some fool themselves in thinking
that they are too good to suffer. The fact is that sin brought
mortality to this earth and we all will die. Time passes quickly, at least
in the way we measure it here on this earth. But what Ms. Didion does not
grasp is that God is greater than our life experience
and even time itself. I trust Him implicitly and
explicitly with the unfathomable sorrows through which I am walking.
The Lord never promises that any of us get to waltz our way
to Heaven! Fiery trials mature our faith. What He does promises is
that He will never leave, never forsake us. He promises us
immortality through Christ Jesus, defeating even the ultimate enemy -
death. I am safely abiding, at rest, if I let God be God in my life,
by surrendering my delusions of control. If we only view life from
this side of eternity we will join Solomon's lament: "I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous
to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind."
(Ecclesiastes 2:16-20, NIV)
True saints who are full of genuine faith reach out to take
hold of the eternal rule of God. Their lives become bridges over which
eternity flows into time. Heaven in their hearts give life the meaning and
purpose that the Bible promises. Such saints choose to rest even in the
middle of the storm. They are not angry at the Lord for permitting their
pain. Instead they pray He will break their stubborn will and make them
useful for His Kingdom: right here, right now. Such surrender does not lead
to resignation or apathy! It empowers them to go bravely into each new day,
defying death and Hell. They are, at once, angry enough to resist the Devil
and his attempts to wreck the works of God, and joyful enough to avoid
cynicism.
Here is Paul's affirmation of God's purpose, even as he was
growing through a time of terrible difficulty as a result of his ministry.
"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord
Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He
comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When
they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has
given us....
We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we
thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die.
But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only
on God, who raises the dead." (2 Corinthians 1:2-4, 8-9,
NLT)
Those are words to live by! They are not 'magical thinking.'
They are Truth that allows us to face days, good and bad, head on; take
strength from the Lord Jesus Christ, and make a Kingdom difference. Let's
stop asking God for easy, stop whining about how hard life is, and thank
Him for giving us the privilege of making His glorious goodness known by
putting "this treasure in jars of clay to show that
this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." (2
Corinthians 4:7, NIV)
Oh, yes, His eye is on the sparrow!
________
(Ethel Waters singing in her classic style. I grew up hearing my Mom
play this song on a scratchy phonograph recordand as a child I was puzzled
at her tears as she listened prayerfully. Now I know why she wept.
They were not just tears of sorrow, though life is often so sad, they
were tears that fall as we KNOW that our Father watches us! Oh, wonderful
truth.)
Why should I feel discouraged?
Why
should the shadows come?
Why
should my heart be lonely,
And
long for heaven and home?
When
Jesus is my portion, my constant Friend is He.
His
eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me;
His
eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free.
For
His eye is on the sparrow,
And
I know He watches me.
"Let not your heart be troubled,"
His
tender words I hear,
And
resting on His goodness
I
lose my doubt and fear.
Tho'
by the path He leadeth
but
one step I may see;
His
eye is on the sparrow
and
I know He watches me.
His
eye is on the sparrow
and
I know He watches me.
Whenever I am tempted,
whenever
clouds arise.
When
songs give place to sighing,
When
hope within me dies.
I
draw the closer to Him
from
care He sets me free.
His
eye is on the sparrow
and
I know He watches me.
His
eye is on the sparrow
and
I know He watches me.
Charles Hutchinson Gabriel | Civilla Durfee
Martin © Words: Public Domain
|
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