Yesterday the world was treated to the spectacle of two American billionaires have a public fight, trading insults for all to see. Whatever your political persuasions, it was unpleasant to see Musk and Trump acting like two little boys on a playground. I grew sadder with each comment. Fighting and anger are so common.
Karl Pillemer, a professor studying human relationships,
found that “27% of Americans 18 and older had cut off contact with a family
member, most of whom reported that they were upset by such a rift. That
translates to at least 67 million people nationally – likely an underestimate since
some are reluctant to acknowledge the problem.”
Anger tears families apart.
Friends
stop speaking over differing political ideas.
Churches split over petty
preferences.
The sad history of humanity, both inside and outside of the
Church, is one of anger, conflict, and fighting despite Jesus’ commands that we
live peaceably and in unity.
Christians must, for Christ’s sake, do better!
Paul, writing to the church in Corinth where divisions over personality and preference broke out, did not regard their fights as acceptable or ‘just being human.’ He tells them to repent because their fighting was evidence of sin and spiritual immaturity.
"Now, dear brothers and sisters, I appeal to you by the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ to stop arguing among yourselves. Let there be real harmony so there won’t be divisions in the church. I plead with you to be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.” (1 Corinthians 1:10-13, NLT) Pointedly, he speaks to their spiritual immaturity. “You are still controlled by your own sinful desires. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn’t that prove you are controlled by your own desires? You are acting like people who don’t belong to the Lord… you are acting like who are not Christians. " (1 Corinthians 3:3-4, NLT)
So, how can you and I become people of peace, who build, not tear down?
First, we put our identity in Christ FIRST.
When we are secure in the love of God, fully living in His forgiveness and
grace, the Spirit in us will help us to ‘let it go’ when necessary. He will teach us to live with grace and
gentleness. Indeed, we will learn who to get far beyond ‘tolerance’
to seek the best and highest for others, just as Jesus did for us.
Second, we work to be loving even more than being ‘right.’
Sometimes people are just flat wrong and we know it! Sure, we all have our own perspective, shaped
by our experience, training, and information.
None of us can lay claim to complete knowledge. With maturity in Christ
we can learn to graciously accept the differences that exist, listening and
learning.
If someone persists in utter nonsense, we gently engage with the facts, not
with disgust or disdain, but with the gentleness of Jesus. Living with grace will
allow us to create a space for change and patiently pursue relationships.
Third, we refuse to elevate secondary issues into primary
ones.
"There are three things that will endure—faith, hope, and
love—and the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13, NLT)
Prayerfully, learn to sort through your differences with others. Ask yourself if the issue at hand is worth
the emotional effort being invested in it.
There are not many things in life that require us to bare our fangs and put out our claws!
Fourth, we will need to die to self to maintain relationships.
Bev and I were married for almost 41 years before she went home to heaven and
we had our share of disagreements. Staying married, we both knew, demanded that
we set aside our personal preferences, that we give up “me” to live as “we.” Any married person can tell you that it is
very hard to do.
Over the years, when I have felt myself drawn in conflict, I also have experienced the gentle voice of the Spirit asking me to surrender my personal comfort (dying to Self). When I was obedient (tragically not all of time!) and was willing to adopt a position of love that worked ‘first to understand’ the person and to prioritize the relationship, peace followed. Yes, sadly, when I fail and fire back at the other with a snarky remark the conflict only escalates.
Christian we cannot descend to the level of those who live by their natural instincts or their own wisdom. We are ‘of Christ.’ We are to be filled with His loving heart. Can you even imagine Jesus writing off a family member or a friend over a difference of opinion or preference?
In a world full of noise and fury, bullets and bombs, snarky social media posts and thinly veiled insults, let’s commit – for Jesus’ sake- to be different, people who work to create peace in our families, our places of work, our nation, and our world.
Here is a word from the Word, a directive for all Christians.
"I urge you to live a life
worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be
patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity
of the Spirit through the bond of peace." (Ephesians 4:1-6, NIV) “Blessed
are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
(Matthew 5.8)
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